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Bookworm257
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Bookworm257 "I don't need therapy I'm just mentally ill" -Tracy Jordan
 
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Trig Oct 18, 2019 at 03:25 PM
  #1
Hi, I am posting this because I need to mother-effing VENT!

Also, I could use some advice. But, you know, whatever.

So, basically I have really bad mood swings. Now, I am an older teen, so this is to be expected, but my mood swings are like, INTENSE! As in, small insults or even split-second looks can cause feelings of low self-esteem, depression, and even thoughts that I am a burden and that everyone hates me.

A few weeks ago, and this is bad, but a few weeks ago I felt actively su!c!d@l. I was in a bad place, and I had hour long crying episodes at least once or twice a week. I had a plan, and I even cleaned my entire room and cleared out some things from my backpack etc so that my parents wouldn't have to go clean it all later. I wrote a note and everything! Then, on the day I was gonna do it, I woke up feeling better than I had in a LONG time. I felt energized, enthusiastic, and happy. In the space of a DAY I went from actively suicidal to completely fine! HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN?!

I am now doing a little bit better, but I feel passively suicidal quite a bit (it's become somewhat normal for me), and whenever I annoy someone or cause them even a little stress I am sent into an episode of crying, self-hate, and suicidal thoughts.

I know I should tell my parents that I was actively suicidal, but I don't want them to be freaked out or burdened by my emotions.

Can anyone else relate? Is there something wrong with me? Am I maybe just a hormonal teenager (on the slightly more sensitive side of it?)

Thank you all for listening.

Needed to vent.

Last edited by bluekoi; Oct 18, 2019 at 07:48 PM.. Reason: Add triggger icon.
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Trig Oct 18, 2019 at 06:14 PM
  #2
I think it would be beneficial for you to tell *someone* how you're feeling. It doesn't need to be your mom or your dad if that frightens you too much (although I'm sure they would react better than you imagine), but I absolutely think that it's essential you find someone you feel comfortable enough with to be totally and completely honest with in regards to how you've been feeling. You need to get that weight off of your shoulders.

It does sound normal to me, my most emotional years were my late teens. I cried a lot, struggled with anorexia and self-confidence, and obsessed about what others thought of me/how they felt about me (specifically my boyfriend at the time). Having a support structure is vital, please, please, please do not keep this all to yourself.

Last edited by bluekoi; Oct 18, 2019 at 07:48 PM.. Reason: Add triggger icon.
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Default Oct 19, 2019 at 11:34 AM
  #3
I think that if you are ever feeling actively suicidal, you should go to the hospital. Call 911 and they will take you there. You are a danger to yourself. I think you should tell your parents about all of this. I think you are most likely experiencing major depression. I am so sorry you feel like a burden! This is most likely depression. It has taken over your mind. Please do not kill yourself! It may not seem like it now, but there is a LOT to live for. We are here on psych central. Counseling is also a good option. You are NOT alone. You are never alone in this even when you feel you are. Please tell your parents.
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Default Oct 19, 2019 at 12:19 PM
  #4
Yes, I can relate to you being scared to tell your Parents! However, it MUST be done in my opinion, for your own safety. Please take WONDERFUL care of yourself and try to resist ANY urges to hurt yourself or other peop.e! Are you going to school right now? Do you feel like there's someone there whom you could talk to about ALL OF THIS? Any teachers? Anyone at all? Perhaps other relatives? Other friends? Whoever you feel like you can trust! In any case, PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF OR OTHERS! I am sure you'll be able to get through ALL of this, one step at the time, but give it time. You are important and you deserve to Live! I hope you'll be able to find someone to talk to. In any case, we're here for you if you need us! THAT'S A PROMISE! I PROMISE YOU THAT! I AM SURE OF THAT! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! YOU CAN COUNT ON US! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME if you need someone to talk to or vent to! I am SURE plenty of others will be REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY GLAD AND HAPPY TO HELP YOU OUT AS WELL! I AM SURE OF THAT! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Bookworm257, your Family, your Friends, your Parents, your Teachers, your Classmates, your Doctors, your Therapists, your Pdocs, your Nurse and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking as much as you possibly can like you're already WONDERFULLY doing ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER ERVER EVER GIVE UP NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! KEEP IT UP! STAY SAFE! YOU'RE WONDERFUL!
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Default Oct 19, 2019 at 06:17 PM
  #5
You must tell your parents immediately. They have to know what is happening with you. I totally agree, you also must find someone to talk to about this, preferably a therapist. Are you on any psych meds? It's possible they could help you. I agree that you sound like you are in a major depressive episode. If you are ever actively suicidal again, dial 911 and go to the ER. You do not want to commit suicide. And that is coming from someone who is suicidal all the time. It's not the answer. It is a very permanent solution to a totally temporary problem. So, don't ever do it. You have the rest of your life ahead of you. You will do amazing things. You just need help, like everyone else on PC and probably half your classmates.

I have bipolar disorder type 1, but my first major depressive episode was when I was seventeen. It was awful but I got help and I pushed through it. I have done some really cool things in my life. You will, too. Just don't give up. Tell your parents and get a therapist. And don't be ashamed. All the cool music stars and people in Hollywood have major life issues and therapists and psychiatrists and a lot of them are on meds. And they still accomplish a ton. So, keep after it. Don't throw in the towel. You can do this.

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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 02:09 PM
  #6
If you are not already doing so, see a Therapist or a Doctor about how you are feeling and your anger.

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Default Nov 25, 2019 at 03:43 PM
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