Is jealousy and insecurity normal in friendships?

Bookworm257 · Oct 22, 2019 at 03:03 PM

Whenever I see my friend hanging with someone I don't know, and laughing etc I get jealous that they're gonna leave me or that they like this person much more than they like me.
At the slightest indication that they don't like me (they give a wrong look for a split second, even if inadvertent), I catastrophize into thinking that they secretly hate me and that they don't even want to hang out or be friends with me.
I have a fear that they're going to leave me, and this s exaverbated when they give the smallest hints of this and then I panic.
I feel guilty for these things, but I do feel them. Is something I need to talk to a profesional with or is it somewhat normal?
Thanks for listening.

Bill3 · Oct 22, 2019 at 05:04 PM

I think that a professional could be useful in giving you perspective as to why this is happening and how you might over time become more secure in your relationships.

bpcyclist · Oct 22, 2019 at 05:07 PM

Do you mind terribly if I ask where you are sort of generally in terms of age? The reason I ask is, at least for me, my answer to your question would be a bit different if you were 19 than it would be if you were 28.

LilyMop · Oct 22, 2019 at 06:20 PM

I think any relationship is difficult and it’s quite possible a lot of people feel this way in friendships. I think people are so busy and so worried about offending others and about not imposing and about what others think... that it’s getting harder to develop authentic relationships.

Iloivar · Oct 23, 2019 at 03:06 AM

I don't know how normal it is, but I dont think that matters. If this is something you think has enough of a negative impact on your life, then I think it's something you should seek proffesional help with.

sarahsweets · Oct 26, 2019 at 12:37 AM

Hey @Bookworm257 I hope I do not offend you. The link I shared is geared more to partner relationships but I think it can apply to friendships too.
7 Ways To Let Go Of Insecurity In Your Relationship

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bookworm257

Whenever I see my friend hanging with someone I don't know, and laughing etc I get jealous that they're gonna leave me or that they like this person much more than they like me.
At the slightest indication that they don't like me (they give a wrong look for a split second, even if inadvertent), I catastrophize into thinking that they secretly hate me and that they don't even want to hang out or be friends with me.
I have a fear that they're going to leave me, and this s exaverbated when they give the smallest hints of this and then I panic.
I feel guilty for these things, but I do feel them. Is something I need to talk to a profesional with or is it somewhat normal?
Thanks for listening.

Oldcountryphil · Oct 27, 2019 at 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bookworm257

Whenever I see my friend hanging with someone I don't know, and laughing etc I get jealous that they're gonna leave me or that they like this person much more than they like me.
At the slightest indication that they don't like me (they give a wrong look for a split second, even if inadvertent), I catastrophize into thinking that they secretly hate me and that they don't even want to hang out or be friends with me.
I have a fear that they're going to leave me, and this s exaverbated when they give the smallest hints of this and then I panic.
I feel guilty for these things, but I do feel them. Is something I need to talk to a profesional with or is it somewhat normal?
Thanks for listening.

Thank you for sharing this because I myself have the same identical situation going on with my wife. She is always gone hanging out with her friends and no time with me then I am left feeling unworthy and guilty of not being good enough for her

Fuzzybear · Nov 25, 2019 at 12:51 PM

I think that if this is having a negative impact on your life a professional could help give you perspective. Also posting here or on another supportive online forum could help give you perspective. As to what is ''normal'' I can't answer that

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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Oct 22, 2019 at 05:04 PM #2 I think that a professional could be useful in giving you perspective as to why this is happening and how you might over time become more secure in your relationships.
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bpcyclist Legendary Member Since Sep 2019 Location: Portland Posts: 12,681 (SuperPoster!) 4 40.2k hugs given	Oct 22, 2019 at 05:07 PM #3 Do you mind terribly if I ask where you are sort of generally in terms of age? The reason I ask is, at least for me, my answer to your question would be a bit different if you were 19 than it would be if you were 28. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield
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LilyMop Veteran Member Member Since Sep 2019 Location: U.S. Posts: 709 4 81 hugs given	Oct 22, 2019 at 06:20 PM #4 I think any relationship is difficult and it’s quite possible a lot of people feel this way in friendships. I think people are so busy and so worried about offending others and about not imposing and about what others think... that it’s getting harder to develop authentic relationships.
	Reply With Quote

Iloivar Member Member Since Sep 2018 Location: Planet Earth Posts: 210 5 2 hugs given	Oct 23, 2019 at 03:06 AM #5 I don't know how normal it is, but I dont think that matters. If this is something you think has enough of a negative impact on your life, then I think it's something you should seek proffesional help with.
	Reply With Quote

Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,325 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Nov 25, 2019 at 12:51 PM #8 I think that if this is having a negative impact on your life a professional could help give you perspective. Also posting here or on another supportive online forum could help give you perspective. As to what is ''normal'' I can't answer that __________________
	Reply With Quote