I need to stop getting irrationally annoyed

DapperChapper · Nov 02, 2019 at 05:47 PM

Feel free to let me know if this is in the wrong place, but I need to find a way of controlling myself, so I don’t get irrationally annoyed about petty, insignificant things. It could be a conversation about something really mundane (e.g. a TV show), and I’ll feel the need to make a big deal of the most inconsequential things. It seems to be more common if I’m tired or burnt out, but that’s no excuse.

I don’t know if it’s some kind of thing where I feel I have to be right, or I get a kick out making other people feel wrong/bad. Either way, it’s completely unacceptable. I need to sort this, or I’m concerned it will ruin my friendships/relationships. What can I look into to improve this? I try to make sure I don’t burn myself out, but I need to know what to do in case I do get tired and likely to be annoyed. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know.

Imokay2 · Nov 02, 2019 at 06:06 PM

My dear brother is like this, and it is not one of his better traits. For him it does come from insecurities that he's built layers of reaction to the world at large, if he's not paying attention he'll have to be right on everything from his political opinion to women's skin care routines, it's ridiculous. Try to cultivate curiosity about other opinions and veiws try to accept that wrong and right can have gray areas sometimes and no one is expecting you to save the world by being right.
It is a choice, in the end, of how you are reacting to things.
And it just might have a much deeper basis than you realize that might mean you are hurting somehow and someone who knows how to get to the cause can help you. Like a counselor.

LilyMop · Nov 02, 2019 at 08:01 PM

It sounds like you have good awareness of the issue and I always think that is the biggest step toward solving the issue. Do you think you are seeing it more now than you were before? Do you think if you see the behavior more and it's annoying to you that you will stop yourself as you start doing it?

Anonymous42019 · Nov 03, 2019 at 05:28 AM

Hi @DapperChapper

I suggest you see a counsellor and book some sessions. Someone skilled to guide you through a safe process of trigger-response avoidance, also that you learn controlled breathing exercises. With daily practise these will significantly lower your anger symptoms, preventing you from lashing out at others.

I can relate to this myself, and the most positive step is to avoid viewing things, be it television news (Brexit, General Election empty promises etc) that are guaranteed to make me very, very angry! I also avoid watching innacurate tv drama such as Casualty because half of it can trigger past experiences and make me react so negatively.

One's behaviour is governed by what we see, read and react to, so turning away completely and doing something markedly different will definitely help towards our daily feelings and general anxieties.

Fuzzybear · Nov 06, 2019 at 03:54 PM

I avoid watching the news and most TV drama. It triggers me and makes me very grrrrrrrrr

bpcyclist · Nov 06, 2019 at 04:22 PM

Some very good suggestions above. I would also suggest that you get and read the book called: Anger: Wisdom For Cooling The Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh. It is short and can be gotten very inexpensively.

Thich Nhat Hanh is, in my opinion, one of the greatest thinkers of his generation. His observations are almost uniformly simple and practical. He offers everyday examples. I can honestly say that some of his books have literally changed my life, particularly in the areas of acceptance and striving to be non-judgmental.

Although he is a Buddhist monk by training, you don't have to be Buddhist to appreciate and benefit from his teachings. I am a Christian, but I would be lying if I did not admit that I find many aspect s of Buddhism to be very practical and helpful. But don't worry about any of that. Hanh is not trying to convert any body to his religion. He would never do that.

So, get the book and read it. See if it offers you a maybe slightly different perspective on what is going on with you. I think you'll find it helpful.

Fuzzybear · Nov 25, 2019 at 03:45 PM

Thunder Bow · Nov 26, 2019 at 01:41 PM

You seem normal to me. We all experience that.

Fuzzybear · Dec 02, 2019 at 07:43 PM

What is normal?

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LilyMop Veteran Member Member Since Sep 2019 Location: U.S. Posts: 709 4 81 hugs given	Nov 02, 2019 at 08:01 PM #3 It sounds like you have good awareness of the issue and I always think that is the biggest step toward solving the issue. Do you think you are seeing it more now than you were before? Do you think if you see the behavior more and it's annoying to you that you will stop yourself as you start doing it?
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,325 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Nov 06, 2019 at 03:54 PM #5 I avoid watching the news and most TV drama. It triggers me and makes me very grrrrrrrrr __________________
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,325 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Nov 25, 2019 at 03:45 PM #7 __________________
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Thunder Bow Elder Member Since Sep 2012 Location: Arizona Posts: 5,630 11 3 hugs given	Nov 26, 2019 at 01:41 PM #8 You seem normal to me. We all experience that. __________________ www.lightningthunderbow.com
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,325 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Dec 02, 2019 at 07:43 PM #9 What is normal? __________________
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