Emotional gift giving

I think I have been aware I do this for some time but this year I have decided to curb it.

It happens a bit at birthdays but mostly it's Christmas where I really go over the top.

Every year I seem to buy more and more for people, I like buying gifts, and picking out special things for people I care about which sounds quite innocuous when I write it down but really I have come to think it's not all that healthy.

At its root I think I falsely believe that the more I give the more people will understand how much I care for them. This is tied in with a feeling that no matter how long I live or what I do I can never express how much I care or love those near to me.

When my son was little we used to love getting him gifts and the whole excitement of the season- I guess that's pretty standard. But he is grown now and earns more than me! This year we mutually agreed to rein it in and set a modest limit - it's right but I still feel a bit weird about it, like I am sad about those days being over.

So I came to realise this gift giving is really an emotional need in me.

This year I am pleased my friends suggested charitable donations instead. It's a good place to start.

I am hoping I will be able to stick to the limits.

Anyone else identify with this pattern?

When my kids were little I was sometimes sucked in by the advertising. I wish I would have distinguished better between wants and needs. There are needy people around us and perhaps in our family (it could be the need for company as much or more than a material need). However, we also have to be realistic about what we can afford while keeping in mind that true, thoughtful charity may come back to us in some way. It is a balancing act. Yes, we need to examine whose need we are really fulfilling. Our mind can play tricks on us sometimes.

It sounds like you truly enjoy gift giving and that is a wonderful quality to have. Do you enjoy mostly giving gifts or do you also like to receive gifts?

Have you read The Five Love Languages? Maybe giving gifts is your Love Language?

Years ago I used to enjoy shopping for gifts and I would get so excited when I found the right gifts for people. As I have gotten older I am just not very excited about the whole obligatory gift giving that comes with the holidays. I enjoy some time away from work if I can get it and the opportunity to relax and do things I enjoy. (Quality time is my Love Language.)

Maybe you can give yourself a budget and then make it a fun challenge to find the perfect gift under a certain amount. I’m guessing you’re very thoughtful and creative with your gift giving and you might really be able to come up with some unique gifts you otherwise wouldn’t have thought of.

Shopping local and buying handmade gifts are ways that you can be spending money on gifts but also that money is going to a good cause. I also really, really love the idea of giving to charities instead.

Let us know what you come up with. I think you should get to enjoy gift giving if that’s your thing but just find a new approach if you think it’s gone a little too far for you.

I think to express how much you care or love those near to you is a great thing to do any day, so doing just that for the holidays can feel so satisfying. It doesn’t have to be in the form of a material gift. It can be a really thought card you make expressing how you appreciate them. They’ll cherish that even more than a gift, but give them the within budget gift, too.

I am a giving person and a people pleaser. I feel a need to do it or I feel depressed .It's on pathological level.Holiday season,birthdays,anniversaries always bring an euphoria. Because I get to shop for others.I usually gift hand knitted items.It starts with a plan of what I would like to knit,what color,what kind of yarn,then go shopping,then pattern selection,start the project,finish it and gift it.The whole process brings me bursts of thrill, keeps me engaged, keeps me distracted from my bad memories.That is the only way I feel alive.

Thanks so much for replies.

I do enjoy receiving gifts, but not as much as giving. You may be right about the love language Lilymop as I was like this even as a child.

I think the budget is definitely something to try to stick to this. I already went a bit over for works secret Santa.... but I will try harder!

Good stuff above. My reaction is that this is just one of the ways you naturally express your love.