The insanity of isolation and despair...warning Sadness within

I saw the post by Raging Vortex, but decided to make my own regarding xmas and my birthday this year. I just turned 44 two days ago and spent it alone. Some of you may not know my story, but I am recently separated and going through a divorce. I live alone with my cat.

As of late, my six year old daughter has not wanted to see me during my visitation. She has stated she wants to stay with mommy, and this has hurt me deeply. This pain is ineffable and the agony I feel is depleting my hope. Everyone has told me to not take it personally, yet I do. I wish I could see my daughter, but I cannot due to her not wanting to see me. It especially hurt during my birthday, when she didn't even want to call me. I have tried to have her over, but she has bouts of instability and nonstop meltdowns. I do not want to see my daughter suffer. So I let her do what she wants to do and be with her mother. Meanwhile, my isolation and despair ravage my delicate soul.

I do not look forward to this Christmas and am really dreading the holidays. I have even decided to not put up my Christmas tree, since it is only me and my cat. I was hoping to entice my daughter to help daddy with the Christmas tree, but again she has rejected me.

I used to think that having a birthday near Christmas was kind of neat, but this year it is especially harmful to my soft emotions.

I am dejected and in despair....floating....

--Sarc

I’m so sorry. My hurt just sank as I read this. I know exactly what you’re going through. I’ve been through very similar things and I am currently going through something similar again.

It’s hard to see past the despair and believe that we will be happy again. It really is difficult.

Things have a way of balancing themselves out. We go through times when it seems our world has been destroyed and our life is out of control.

But then we go through times when blessings come just when we least expect it. Don’t give up on love. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t give up on your daughter. Your daughter needs you and will always need you. She’s hurting and it’s likely her mother could be encouraging her behavior. Just love her as best you can. Find new hobbies and new friends. Rebuild your life with you and your cat. It will grow. You will find someone new to love. Always make room for your daughter and always make sure she knows she is loved.

I wish you all the best. I’m here muddling through the same as you. We are going to see better days again.

You are strong, @sarcgeo, and you will survive. I am sure of that. Please keep us posted. I am so sorry the Pain is being so unbearable for you. Remember that your Daughter Loves You Very Much. I am sure of that! Unfortunately she's going through a lot right now as well. Divorce is not easy for anyone. Forgive Her as I'm sure you've already done and wait for better days. Hopefully you'll be able to meet her again soon! Please take WONDERFUL care of yourself, my Friend, and do not neglect yourself. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @sarcgeo, your Family, your Friends, your Daughter and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Oh @sarcgeo I am so sorry you have to go through this with your daughter. Are things amicable between you and your exwife? Like would she be influencing your daughter with negative opinions of you. If that's actually the case its called parental alienation and I believe it is not allowed as far as separated or divorced parents.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarcgeo As of late, my six year old daughter has not wanted to see me during my visitation. She has stated she wants to stay with mommy, and this has hurt me deeply. This pain is ineffable and the agony I feel is depleting my hope. Everyone has told me to not take it personally, yet I do. I wish I could see my daughter, but I cannot due to her not wanting to see me. It especially hurt during my birthday, when she didn't even want to call me. I have tried to have her over, but she has bouts of instability and nonstop meltdowns. I do not want to see my daughter suffer. So I let her do what she wants to do and be with her mother. Meanwhile, my isolation and despair ravage my delicate soul. I do not look forward to this Christmas and am really dreading the holidays. I have even decided to not put up my Christmas tree, since it is only me and my cat. I was hoping to entice my daughter to help daddy with the Christmas tree, but again she has rejected me. I used to think that having a birthday near Christmas was kind of neat, but this year it is especially harmful to my soft emotions. I am dejected and in despair....floating.... --Sarc

I doubt that is happening where my ex is alienating my daughter from me. According to my therapist, it is her way of dealing with the divorce. Regardless, thanks for the comments and appreciate the input.

--Sarc

Have you explored the possibility of writing her? Maybe she would write you back?

Sarc I am so sorry to read you are going through this.

On the positive side I am glad you are receiving guidance from a therapist and also that your ex is not causing trouble between you and your daughter.

I have seen a young child in my family go through what you are describing, it is heart breaking. In my humble opinion you are doing the right thing giving that space. From what I have observed consistency once things have settled a bit will help.

If everyone was okay with it then Bp's suggestion of writing might be a good idea. Just to keep that connection there.

Keep hope, your daughter is so young, so much will change over the coming years, keep faith that you can build and develop your relationship with her.

I really appreciate the input and thoughts that you all have expressed. I had the "luxury" of seeing my ex being a mother to her son, from her first marriage. I did not witness any form of parental alienation whatsoever.

Some of you may not know my history, but I was told constant betrayals about my father by my abusive mother. In essence, I know and have felt the internal struggle that parental alienation can do. I saw how good of a mother my ex was with her son and that was what made me initially start to fall in love with her. She is a good mother and I know what traits to look for in a good mother, since my own was so destructive. Yet, I didn't see the warning signs of our failing marriage and now headed to becoming another divorce statistic.

I like the letter idea by bpcyclist and will use it.

To reiterate, I really appreciate the input and valuable advice people have given me here. My mind has been an absolute mess lately and my whole world has turned upside down. I don't know right from wrong and I feel like a salmon struggling to swim against the current. This has been a struggle, a very deep struggle.

--sarc