Sadness over a lost client

Although this thread involves the death of someone I knew, I am not posting it in the grief forum because I feel it fits better here. This person was on the periphery of my life and my connection with him was professional you could say, so it is not grief as such I am feeling.

I have volunteered for many years with the elderly, it is very rewarding and uplifting although it has its challenges. I guess the main one is that a high number of our people leave us by their deaths and that's sad. In fact over the years there have been many wonderful people who we have said goodbye to. It's not like a personal bereavement which is deep and raw but you do get to care for them, some more than others because some people just connect more than others.

For many years a man I'll call W came to us, he was a gentle soul with lifelong learning difficulties. His life had not been the easiest but he was a trier and he came to us every week and enjoyed his time with us. I would sit with him every time and he would talk through his anxieties with me because he had quite a few. He needed gentle handling but he was so sweet and had such a lovely humour.

Anyhow 2 years or so ago he stopped coming, we don't have their contact details for data protection, only staff at the charity can access. It happens quite often that we never hear again until we might hear of a death eventually. We did ask after him but were told the charity did not have information on him but he had been ill.

Today I was checking the online family notices for someone else that we know who died recently and I thought I'd check his name. He died a year ago and we didn't even know.

Realistically I know it was out of our remit, and that if information was not given we could not have known. I do feel a strange sadness though. He was scared of the dark and I just hope he was not scared at the end. I am sad he stopped coming to us and that he disappeared.

Like I say it isn't grief as such. Just a sadness. I feel bad I could go a year without knowing what happened to W. I am not sure if I should tell the other volunteers or if they would be better off not knowing. I kind of wish I hadn't found out.

You are a very kind soul. I'm sorry for the loss of this person you knew, from how you found out, to your sad feelings now. All valid feelings.

Given how kind you are and how you felt about him, you likely provided him with a measure of comfort whenever you worked with him. I totally believe this because you have provided me with comfort and encouragement when my life was at its darkest. You are such an amazing person. Try to remember that we all go through times in our lives where we face things alone. I bet this gentleman wouldn't want you to worry about him. He is in a better place and my POV is that he may be blessing you from where he is at now.

Most of us, do not want to leave the people we have liked or loved in distress. It is so important to take care of ourselves first so that we can continue to shine our lights to others. That you feel so deeply for others has blessed so many of us. After you grieve this, remember that you were a blessing to him. Hugs to you dear friend.

Thank you both for your kind words - that really is quite amazing to read and I don't have words to say how much that means to me.

I don't have spiritual belief in that way but do wish I did at times like this.

W touched us so much because he was somehow an innocent, childlike in his ways, a very gentle soul. I am choosing right now to remember his fondness for Doris Day - he loved her songs! The memory of him enjoying that makes me smile.

Thanks again so much for the validation.

You are a Kind Soul, very much so, @Discombobulated. I am sure W is watching you from Up There. You've certainly did everything you could to make Him happy and make the last years of His Life less painful. Take pride in that. Feeling Sadness, or even Grief, at moments like this is perfectly Normal so let it all out and vent if you need to. Thank you for everything You did - for both Him and Other People as well! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Discombobulated, Your Family, Your Friends, W, and ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

He May be gone from this world but all the goodness that was in him is not lost. His love, kindness and affection heart can be found in yours. I wish I got a chance to know him and chat with him! Sending love and comfort. God bless you.

I'm sending hugs

I do feel for you, knowing exactly what it feels like when losing a client, but it's always going to hurt - you know that, just as I do. It'll just hurt less one day, because time is a healer although at present it doesn't feel anywhere like it.

If this is any help to you, but pain and grief don't leave; we just have to learn to live with them. The way I see it, as long as you're trying to sleep, you're doing your mind and body good.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the replies. It has helped. I have been remembering some really lovely moments with this sweet man, he is remembered with fondness.

I chose not to tell the other volunteers. In the end I thought it would just upset them and better to spare them that sadness. If they mention about him and wonder what happened that might be different and I will rethink.