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Have Hope
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Default Jan 11, 2020 at 12:11 PM
  #1
I am without a therapist and I am unraveling emotionally right now. I just need some supportive replies and reassurance.

I feel that nothing is going right in my life, but mainly at work. I wrote about it in the work forum, but I really f-ed up, and I feel like such an a-hole and such a f-up.

I am really down on myself. Sometimes I am far too arrogant and I HATE that.... it's not a pretty side of myself.

And I am FAR too emotional.... I react strongly when I get upset I don't like that about myself either. I reacted really poorly to my husband last night and I feel like total crap about it. He's being a bit more distant from me today as a result. And I feel terrible. I've caused that to happen. And I know as a result that he won't be physically intimate with me tonight like we had planned. That happens when I've upset him. And it's ALL my fault.

I guess I just feel really lost without a therapist..... I am in between therapists, and I just want someone to tell me I am doing OK, considering all the challenges I face at the moment.

Maybe my toxic work environment has finally gotten to me. I don't feel like my normal, positive happy go lucky and understanding self. Typically I have a very positive outlook on life. Right now I am the opposite. Everything is colored negatively. It's like I cannot escape black and white thinking.

Wish I could have gone to therapy today. But I cancelled with my old therapist because she's causing me more harm than good, I feel.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to ground myself again? And feel better?

Maybe I need a guided meditation or something... or a long walk outside. It's warm out today.

Thank you kindly.

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Default Jan 11, 2020 at 01:36 PM
  #2
Have Hope Did you take a walk outside yet? If not, I think that is a great idea. Walks are a great way to calm down and clear one's thoughts.

You could make a list for yourself of each item and then brainstorm creative solutions to solve each one.

1. Marriage
2. Job
3. Therapist
4. etc....

Brainstorm what resources exist that could help you tackle each one. That would be my suggestion. Meditation is good in theory. Have you done it before and did it work for you?
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Default Jan 11, 2020 at 01:52 PM
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Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post
Have Hope Did you take a walk outside yet? If not, I think that is a great idea. Walks are a great way to calm down and clear one's thoughts.

You could make a list for yourself of each item and then brainstorm creative solutions to solve each one.

1. Marriage
2. Job
3. Therapist
4. etc....

Brainstorm what resources exist that could help you tackle each one. That would be my suggestion. Meditation is good in theory. Have you done it before and did it work for you?
Thank you! Guided meditations do help me. I haven’t taken a walk. I’m so upset and emotional that I can’t brainstorm solutions right now. I’m dying inside and feel just bloody awful. I wish I could just die right now and leave this earth. I’m so done. I’m really depressed.

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Default Jan 12, 2020 at 03:48 PM
  #4
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Originally Posted by Have Hope View Post
Thank you! Guided meditations do help me. I haven’t taken a walk. I’m so upset and emotional that I can’t brainstorm solutions right now. I’m dying inside and feel just bloody awful. I wish I could just die right now and leave this earth. I’m so done. I’m really depressed.
I am sorry you are suffering so. It is at times like this that I find a good dose of old-fashioned DBT can help. Maybe try to watch an episode of your fave show. Clean--I find cleaning the house incredibly therapeutic. Always feel better after a big clean. It's a task, requires some focus and energy. It's good exercise. Draw, paint, write, blow glass, ride a bike, go look at some cool buildings, watch videos of cute animals--always makes me feel better. How can you feel depressed when a cute STt Bernard litter just got rescued from homelessness and is positively giddy with their new world? I can't.

These things aren't cures, but they may provide some temporary relief and get your brain operating some different, more positive neural pathways.

Sending you hugs and support. You can do this. Don't give up. But as hard as it is right now, you do need to take some kind of action to recalibrate your depressed brain. Sometimes, mine just needs a good kick in the shorts. Action is the key right now.

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Default Jan 12, 2020 at 03:56 PM
  #5
I like your suggestions for Have Hope, @bpcyclist. I have used them myself and they absolutely work to feel better. Like, when I lived in Shantou, China as an instructor. I ended up artistically painting empty Tsingtao beer bottles with acrylic paints, or writing, or going for hikes in the hills behind the university. Once, a fellow instructor and I set off on our road bikes for an all-day biking adventure that took us about 15 miles from the university to some gorgeous cliffs that we hiked up and picnicked on. Not a cure, but definitely those were great distractions and provided me temporary relief and helped my brain create more positive, neural pathways.
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Have Hope
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Default Jan 12, 2020 at 04:49 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
I am sorry you are suffering so. It is at times like this that I find a good dose of old-fashioned DBT can help. Maybe try to watch an episode of your fave show. Clean--I find cleaning the house incredibly therapeutic. Always feel better after a big clean. It's a task, requires some focus and energy. It's good exercise. Draw, paint, write, blow glass, ride a bike, go look at some cool buildings, watch videos of cute animals--always makes me feel better. How can you feel depressed when a cute STt Bernard litter just got rescued from homelessness and is positively giddy with their new world? I can't.

These things aren't cures, but they may provide some temporary relief and get your brain operating some different, more positive neural pathways.

Sending you hugs and support. You can do this. Don't give up. But as hard as it is right now, you do need to take some kind of action to recalibrate your depressed brain. Sometimes, mine just needs a good kick in the shorts. Action is the key right now.
Thank you sooo sooo much. Hugs. Those are all great suggestions!

I did clean today and ran a lot of errands which helped. I also apologized to two people for my behavior which also helped.

I agree that positive distractions which take energy and focus can help tremendously. Yesterday I slept a lot instead. It was the most I could do.

Thanks for your support. It means a lot.

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Default Jan 13, 2020 at 07:31 AM
  #7
I wish I had some better suggestions. I agree that doing activities you enjoy can help get your mind off things for a bit, but sadly the toxic work situation is still there until you can find something else. When I was in that awful work situation, I could enjoy myself a bit over the weekend doing fun things, but by Sunday afternoon I would end up with a sense of dread thinking about having to go back to work.

The only thing that helped me – I would describe my state then as unraveling too and I didn’t realize how bad it was – was first paid psych leave for about a month and a half, and eventually being let go after about two weeks from what I back from leave. But, I recognize that I was extremely lucky that where I live we have protections with an indefinite work contract. Unless you are let go for serious misconduct, you receive severance pay based on time worked. I am also collecting unemployment insurance. If I were still working there, I don’t even want to think what kind of mental state I’d be in right now.

Do you have any sort of option to at least take a bit of time off to decompress? Toxic workplaces can take such a toll on both mental and physical health. My supervisor was allowed to do whatever she wanted and upper management just let her. Her superiors never seemed to question the high turnover in the department. Interestingly, though, when I and the other guy that was let go went to meet with the HR woman at the notary, her attitude was really nice and understanding, like she sort of knew it was BS what happened to us, but couldn’t really do anything. And, with our department she had seen it so many times before!

If you can’t take time off or leave that toxic place for now, I’d concentrate as much energy as possible on looking for something better. That can be hard sometimes, I know, when the work situation is wearing you down. Also, will you be able to get back into therapy soon? They should be able to help you with some coping techniques too. Take care of yourself, hugs!
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