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Default Feb 14, 2020 at 06:27 AM
  #61
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Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue View Post
Feel free to rant. It is infuriating, the way these images have got inside our heads.
That it is!!!

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Default Feb 14, 2020 at 06:45 AM
  #62
I do feel insecure whenever I see a beautiful thin woman on TV. It makes me crazy. I try not to let it get to me, but it's there, staring me right in the face. And my husband sees these women, and I look nothing like them.

I am sick of dieting, but if I don't, I will gain even more weight.

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Default Feb 15, 2020 at 07:24 AM
  #63
I guess I need to accept that I am 15-20 pounds heavier than I used to be and that I can't lose the weight. I've been trying for three weeks and it's been impossible to lose a single pound.

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Default Feb 15, 2020 at 12:01 PM
  #64
Big hugs, Have Hope. You're doing ever so well.
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Default Feb 15, 2020 at 02:55 PM
  #65
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Big hugs, Have Hope. You're doing ever so well.
Thank you, dear!!

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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 08:13 AM
  #66
I binge ate over this weekend, or over the last three days. I am most unhappy with myself over that. I have to now start over and try again.

It is maddening to me that I deal with this. It is upsetting. I feel "normal" otherwise, whatever that means. I guess I mean I feel pretty even keel otherwise. I guess I eat through my anxiety and my more difficult emotions. I know I am not alone with that, and that many struggle with emotional eating. It's SO hard to not want to eat comfort foods when I am feeling anxious. I need better coping skills. I don't know how???

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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 08:35 AM
  #67
Maybe dip into a self-help book, to give yourself a bit of a boost? One of the really good ones. Some are useless. Even with the good ones, the effect is - in my experience - temporary.

I like The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle.

And 'Self-Help for your Nerves' by Dr Claire Weekes.

Please do go easy on yourself, dear Have Hope! Lasting changes happen slowly...

If you can just improve your ability to forgive yourself for the emotional eating by a teeny, tiny amount, that itself would be a huge achievement!
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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 08:39 AM
  #68
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Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue View Post
Maybe dip into a self-help book, to give yourself a bit of a boost? One of the really good ones. Some are useless. Even with the good ones, the effect is - in my experience - temporary.

I like The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle.

And 'Self-Help for your Nerves' by Dr Claire Weekes.

Please do go easy on yourself, dear Have Hope! Lasting changes happen slowly...

If you can just improve your ability to forgive yourself for the emotional eating by a teeny, tiny amount, that itself would be a huge achievement!
Thank you so much, @Purple,Violet,Blue! You are a true gem!

I will forgive myself..... I knew I would fall down a few times while attempting this recovery on my own. I do need to go easy on myself. I will start over, beginning today.

And I love the Power of Now.... what a great book!!!! I believe I have it somewhere in my collection. Maybe I'll dig it up.

Thank you for the golden suggestions.

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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 01:00 PM
  #69
You are such a sweet person. It's awful, the way we beat ourselves up.

Sometimes, I say to myself, `Purple!` (That's not my real name ) 'Can we just have one ******* day off!'

Yes, I love 'The Power of Now'. It is a great, short, sharp shock to worriers like me.

Eating disorders are seriously difficult to treat, as you know. Even just wanting to change is quite rare. There's so much secrecy and denial around these conditions, isn't there?

With me, looking back, working on this masochistic side of myself was really important.

I had quite a bit of treatment for my ED's, over the many years I had them. Have Hope, one of the leading London hospitals gave me excellent (outpatient) care. They tried very hard. I couldn't fault them at all. But they didn't even come close to curing me.

It's strange, isn't it?

Maybe they were too focused on the anorexia (which later became bulimia), I don't know. They were kind of fooled by what their patients told them: 'It's about food / weight / how I look / my body'.

The poor patients couldn't help it, of course! We were absolutely convinced that peering at the weighing scales and thinking about food every second of the day was normal.

Certainly, there is an element of food-phobia, but this is - although incredibly powerful - almost incidental.

Long story short...

A much less sophisticated CBT therapist, duting one six week course, somehow got it!

She wouldn't be distracted by anything I said, and focused ruthlessly on the self-damaging I was carrying out on myself.

Although there were many relapses, I left her thinking, somehow, that she was right... I didn't deserve to hurt myself...

Months later, I was actually feeling that I didn't WANT to hurt myself...

The stage after that was not enjoying the behaviours around ED's, like bingeing and purging, or eating nothing until I virtually collapsed...

It's a crazy merry-go-round I was on! And for most of my adult life!

I hope this isn't upsetting, dear friend.

I just want to reassure that anything you say will not sound mad or disgusting to me in any way.
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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 02:42 PM
  #70
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Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue View Post
You are such a sweet person. It's awful, the way we beat ourselves up.

Sometimes, I say to myself, `Purple!` (That's not my real name ) 'Can we just have one ******* day off!'

Yes, I love 'The Power of Now'. It is a great, short, sharp shock to worriers like me.

Eating disorders are seriously difficult to treat, as you know. Even just wanting to change is quite rare. There's so much secrecy and denial around these conditions, isn't there?

With me, looking back, working on this masochistic side of myself was really important.

I had quite a bit of treatment for my ED's, over the many years I had them. Have Hope, one of the leading London hospitals gave me excellent (outpatient) care. They tried very hard. I couldn't fault them at all. But they didn't even come close to curing me.

It's strange, isn't it?

Maybe they were too focused on the anorexia (which later became bulimia), I don't know. They were kind of fooled by what their patients told them: 'It's about food / weight / how I look / my body'.

The poor patients couldn't help it, of course! We were absolutely convinced that peering at the weighing scales and thinking about food every second of the day was normal.

Certainly, there is an element of food-phobia, but this is - although incredibly powerful - almost incidental.

Long story short...

A much less sophisticated CBT therapist, duting one six week course, somehow got it!

She wouldn't be distracted by anything I said, and focused ruthlessly on the self-damaging I was carrying out on myself.

Although there were many relapses, I left her thinking, somehow, that she was right... I didn't deserve to hurt myself...

Months later, I was actually feeling that I didn't WANT to hurt myself...

The stage after that was not enjoying the behaviours around ED's, like bingeing and purging, or eating nothing until I virtually collapsed...

It's a crazy merry-go-round I was on! And for most of my adult life!

I hope this isn't upsetting, dear friend.

I just want to reassure that anything you say will not sound mad or disgusting to me in any way.
Awwwww. thank you, @Purple,Violet,Blue!!!

Ah yes, soooo easy to beat oneself up! I am trying not to do this as much, but it's hard.

And it's not upsetting at all to me. I am very sorry to hear you suffered/suffer as well with an eating disorder... it's a most difficult disorder to grapple with, let alone admit fully to others. There IS so much secrecy to it.... I call it the silent suffering.

I have thought about DBT. I know it's emotional for me, at its roots, but also is a weight conscious/thinness obsession for me too.

My sister I think has an eating disorder as well. She looks anorexic... she has been anorexic previously without realizing it. We never speak of it, as a family, or even 1:1. My mother has a disorder with food too, which is how I learned this habit. We all only mention how my sister is far too thin.

I know it may take a long time to get out of it and recover, but I am determined to make myself healthier-minded and healthier with how I treat my body as well. I worry that I am damaging myself. I don't want to have health issues in the future.

I will try and address it with my next therapist. This time, I want to be open about it so that I can actually talk about it and potentially even treat it through therapy. I have not tried this before..... I have kept this a secret even from therapists. It's been hard to admit to anyone.

But it helps to talk openly about it on here... somehow, admitting it and seeing it in the open gives me strength to want to recover that much more.

Thank you for sharing your personal story, Purple.... I greatly appreciate relating to someone about this issue and personal struggle.

Many hugs and blessings to you, my friend!! You are a most beautiful person!

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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 07:11 PM
  #71
Ah, you are beautiful!

Ooh, that's tough with a sister and a mum who are also seeing things in that way. A kind of awful, mass-delusion...

I was lucky in that I had a couple of encounters which showed me that the rest of the world didn't necessarily agree with me about skinniness being everything.

It's almost impossible to grasp, when one is on that side of the looking-glass.

One time, I happened across some porn by a male friend I really liked. Was I starving myself at the time, in order to be perfect / irresistible / not scared of taking off my clothes in front of him, if something did develop? Probably.

The porn was of larger women!

It's almost funny!

Honestly, though, it did shock me. I felt invulnerable in my tiny clothes. As if I had removed everything from my body that could possibly be criticised!

And, he didn't fancy me!

Big hugs.
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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 07:54 PM
  #72
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Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue View Post
Ah, you are beautiful!

Ooh, that's tough with a sister and a mum who are also seeing things in that way. A kind of awful, mass-delusion...

I was lucky in that I had a couple of encounters which showed me that the rest of the world didn't necessarily agree with me about skinniness being everything.

It's almost impossible to grasp, when one is on that side of the looking-glass.

One time, I happened across some porn by a male friend I really liked. Was I starving myself at the time, in order to be perfect / irresistible / not scared of taking off my clothes in front of him, if something did develop? Probably.

The porn was of larger women!

It's almost funny!

Honestly, though, it did shock me. I felt invulnerable in my tiny clothes. As if I had removed everything from my body that could possibly be criticised!

And, he didn't fancy me!

Big hugs.
Aww!! Thanks so much!

Yes it is harder when family members are also afflicted. Ugh.

That is a funny story about the porn! Wow! And amazing too. I know some men prefer larger women. I guess it just goes to show that thinness isn’t everything!

Hugs!!

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Default Mar 15, 2020 at 05:15 PM
  #73
Firstly, I was to thank @Have Hope for this thread and for you and others sharing your struggles and triumphs.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Hey @Have Hope thanks for sharing and great goals!
Understanding and managing your emotional triggers: Live your true story
I thought this article was interesting.
This is an excellent article! And I find it very similar to a lot of the techniques tried in DBT although maybe even better...then again, I never completed DBT so maybe it's the same. I've tried most of the things listed here but with varying results...or perhaps I have a loop of triggering emotions that when I think I've acted rationally and still don't get the desired response, then I kinda forget and lose my cool maybe...sometimes. But I feel like lately I've acted pretty rationally, despite how I feel on the inside or what my first reaction was. I've been asking others for advice too sometimes on what theyd do in certain situations and/or what they'd suggest as the best approach. Ultimately I have to decide if this is good advice or not, but I'm getting better at recognizing what could be helpful and what could be harmful, recognizing whether my fear is justified or I'm just scared of the unknown. Sometimes I just get thrown for a complete loop though and still get a negative result even when an action had worked effectively I the past...that's when I have to remind myself that I'm doing the best I can and then decide whether the opposite action will work in the next situation or this was just an atypical event.
Does that make sense?

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Default Mar 15, 2020 at 05:40 PM
  #74
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Firstly, I was to thank @Have Hope for this thread and for you and others sharing your struggles and triumphs.


This is an excellent article! And I find it very similar to a lot of the techniques tried in DBT although maybe even better...then again, I never completed DBT so maybe it's the same. I've tried most of the things listed here but with varying results...or perhaps I have a loop of triggering emotions that when I think I've acted rationally and still don't get the desired response, then I kinda forget and lose my cool maybe...sometimes. But I feel like lately I've acted pretty rationally, despite how I feel on the inside or what my first reaction was. I've been asking others for advice too sometimes on what theyd do in certain situations and/or what they'd suggest as the best approach. Ultimately I have to decide if this is good advice or not, but I'm getting better at recognizing what could be helpful and what could be harmful, recognizing whether my fear is justified or I'm just scared of the unknown. Sometimes I just get thrown for a complete loop though and still get a negative result even when an action had worked effectively I the past...that's when I have to remind myself that I'm doing the best I can and then decide whether the opposite action will work in the next situation or this was just an atypical event.
Does that make sense?
Yes, that makes sense. All we can do is our best in any given situation, and learn from what works and what doesn't work. It's great that you're taking such close notes on your own reactions and responses! And are learning from them!

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