Emotional triggers and self-improvement

Have Hope · Jan 23, 2020 at 06:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Yes, let's make like cows

Moo. Chew. Poo.

A simple life

I like that!

Oh no. Back problems are a nightmare. Be good to yourself, dear friend.

@Purple,Violet,Blue, thank you, dear!

Have Hope · Jan 23, 2020 at 06:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

''follow the cow grazing principle'' - I like it.

Safe hugs

Aw, thanks @Fuzzybear!!

Have Hope · Jan 23, 2020 at 06:57 AM

I weighed myself this morning and to my great chagrin, somehow I GAINED three pounds! I knew I felt heavier yesterday at work..... but I don't get it. I've been following my Slim Fast diet, I've been really good and eating healthy snacks like fruit and nuts otherwise, then a normal sized dinner. I guess my dinners have been too high in calories. UGH. SO frustrating.

I DO want to lost at least 6-7 pounds before I go to the beach in March. Guess I need to watch the calorie intake at dinner. And I will start exercising once my back feels better and when my doctor tells me it will be OK to use equipment that may also work my back muscles.

But I HATE that I am overweight and plump. I've been super THIN most of my life. I now am looking at being at least 20 pounds overweight. I am not happy with being this heavy. It's making me most upset. NONE of my favorite clothes fit me, and even the clothes I bought to accommodate the extra weight are now tight.

I am not used to this. I was chunky back in high school and in college. In high school, I went on a massive diet for a summer and lost 23 pounds. And after college, the extra weight eventually fell off as I started to eat healthier. But in my adult years, I've generally been very very thin.

BIG HUGE SIGH. That's my gripe this morning.

Open Eyes · Jan 23, 2020 at 08:15 AM

Maybe it's near your time of month too Hope as that can tip the scales a bit. Also, keep in mind you are nursing a back that is healing and you have not been able to be very active. Inactivity slows down the metabolizm and even though you are eating less the lack of physical exercise means you are not burning up the calories.

Buffy01 · Jan 23, 2020 at 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

My parents invalidated me, and just about .every emotion I ever felt as a child; therefore, whenever I encounter similar situations where I feel my feelings are being invalidated, I get triggered.

I also am triggered around issues of control; whenever people try to tell me what to do, how to do it, how to feel or NOT feel, I am triggered. My parents were very controlling of me. I need to come to my own conclusions, however long that takes.

I am triggered when my boundaries are disrespected. My boundaries were disrespected as a child; therefore, I get triggered every time someone crosses my boundaries or crosses my lines of respect. People disrespecting my wishes and needs is most triggering to me.

I am learning about all these areas, and I am learning how to manage my triggers best. I am trying to grow.

I also have a lot of self-improvement goals for myself this year. I don't believe in new years resolutions because I always break them, lol.

But I am ready to face some issues I've been putting off facing for a very long time:

-exercise: start exercising because I don't
-my eating habits: lose 15 pounds
-boundaries: have stronger boundaries
-emotional triggers: responding vs reacting
-3 drink limit when out
-exercising self-care
-stop obsessing and ruminating
-be okay with "good enough" and trying my best: not expecting perfection

What's strange is that I came up with all of this not from my therapy, but outside of therapy dealing with life.

This is more like a journal entry so that I can document my goals and my triggers, how I need to grow and where I wish to head in life. I also want to track how I'm doing with each on a regular basis.

I'm not asking for opinions or constructive criticisms. I am simply documenting this for myself to visit and revisit. It may not be in the right forum, so mods please move if not.

Anyone have self-improvement goals or emotional triggers they want to share? Feel free.

That is great advice. I wish that I had thought about that myself. I have very similar , like your. I'm using self help video and self help books to heal from my wounds.

Have Hope · Jan 23, 2020 at 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Maybe it's near your time of month too Hope as that can tip the scales a bit. Also, keep in mind you are nursing a back that is healing and you have not been able to be very active. Inactivity slows down the metabolizm and even though you are eating less the lack of physical exercise means you are not burning up the calories.

Unfortunately my period just occurred. And thanks. I’m soo discouraged right now.

Have Hope · Jan 24, 2020 at 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buffy01

That is great advice. I wish that I had thought about that myself. I have very similar , like your. I'm using self help video and self help books to heal from my wounds.

Good for you, @Buffy01! That's great to hear. I need more self-help books myself.

Buffy01 · Jan 24, 2020 at 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Unfortunately my period just occurred. And thanks. I’m soo discouraged right now.

That another thing I never thought about either. I will have to keep in mind.

Buffy01 · Jan 24, 2020 at 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Good for you, @Buffy01! That's great to hear. I need more self-help books myself.

Lisa A Romano has self help video and books she written, Family tree counseling has online therapy, self help video and self help books to read. I hope that helps. That what I am currently doing.

Have Hope · Jan 24, 2020 at 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buffy01

Lisa A Romano has self help video and books she written, Family tree counseling has online therapy, self help video and self help books to read. I hope that helps. That what I am currently doing.

Thank you for the info!!!!

Have Hope · Feb 13, 2020 at 07:15 AM

Well, let's see. Checking in here. I haven't lost a single pound of my extra weight, I have been up and down emotionally, and at times, far in the dumps. Not much has changed. But I've been keeping my reactions in check, for the most part, which is good.

I am not happy about dieting without results. In a month I leave for the beach. I won't even put on a bathing suit if I am heavy.

I hate that I obsess over how I look and over my weight. I am trying to be healthier about this, but it's hard when being thin has been engrained in you for your whole entire life. My mother obsessed over her weight and over being thin, so does my sister.

I am trying to get to a point of acceptance about it -- like, yeah, it's not my preference, and I don't want to GAIN any more weight, but what's the big deal if I am a bit overweight?

Then I see beautiful models on TV and in the movies and I cringe. I want to look like they do... like I used to look. Not that I looked like a model, but I used to look a lot sexier 20 pounds thinner. UGH.

Round and around I go on this one.

sarahsweets · Feb 13, 2020 at 09:14 AM

Hey @Have Hope: I do not know how closely you want to track your weight but I'd like to share what I started doing. Before my gastric bypass I was weight obsessed. I "tried" bulimia but I wouldnt say I was bulimic because I believe I was suffering from "disordered eating"(not sure if thats an actual dx or not). I would go from one fad diet to another, fasting, overeating, only eating certain foods, restricting, you name it. I do not believe I had a food addiction but I do believe my early childhood trauma affected me and I believe that those feel good chemicals in my brain were triggered when I ate certain foods. As a child- how do you escape that stuff? For me, it was food. I also believe there was a metabolism issue, genetically speaking, that made me hold on to weight. I had gastric bypass to lose weight- yes but the specific one I had was the roux-n-y. I dont think they were doing the sleeves 13 years ago but I dont remember. I chose this particular surgery because not only did it reduce the size of my stomach to physically affect my eating, it changed the absorption. At the time it was hardly covered by insurance and honestly, more "regulated" in the sense that I had to sign paperwork saying I knew I would have to take supplements for the rest of my life, that I knew it was a tool and not a solution and that I was aware that certain poor food choices could make me sick. I think that was a good thing- because I do know a lot of people who end up gaining weight back. Sorry to bog this down- what I started doing post surgery was weighing myself once a week. I was still weight obsessed and would judge myself by those numbers and by what progress I thought i made or didnt make. Since the surgery I have kept all but about 15-20lbs off. I lose and regain those pounds all the time depending on the type of foods I eat. I may not be able to eat a lot but eating small amounts of crap all day will inevitably lead to weight gain. I found that once I lost most of the weight I was still weighing myself too much. I used my perceived success or failure as a weapon of self destruction to somehow hold against myself which wasnt healthy. Unfortunately for me, the "escaping" through food turned into alcoholism but genetically I am 100% certain that the bipolar mixed with paternal genetics was what lead me to have an addictive personality. I overcame it but now I struggle with smoking. I think you shouldnt weigh yourself more than once a week, once a month if you can stand it. I think you should weigh yourself naked in the morning after you go to the bathroom- at the same time. Its really the best way to really see what's going on. I promise you it really helps with the mental obsession. Sorry to go on and on its just something I am passionate about. In particular we women are held against unrealistic ideals and sexualized and judged by how we look. We internalize those ideals and begin to live by them. Being in that state of mind is like being in a bad neighborhood- you are bound to get jumped.
xxxooo

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

I weighed myself this morning and to my great chagrin, somehow I GAINED three pounds! I knew I felt heavier yesterday at work..... but I don't get it. I've been following my Slim Fast diet, I've been really good and eating healthy snacks like fruit and nuts otherwise, then a normal sized dinner. I guess my dinners have been too high in calories. UGH. SO frustrating.

I DO want to lost at least 6-7 pounds before I go to the beach in March. Guess I need to watch the calorie intake at dinner. And I will start exercising once my back feels better and when my doctor tells me it will be OK to use equipment that may also work my back muscles.

But I HATE that I am overweight and plump. I've been super THIN most of my life. I now am looking at being at least 20 pounds overweight. I am not happy with being this heavy. It's making me most upset. NONE of my favorite clothes fit me, and even the clothes I bought to accommodate the extra weight are now tight.

I am not used to this. I was chunky back in high school and in college. In high school, I went on a massive diet for a summer and lost 23 pounds. And after college, the extra weight eventually fell off as I started to eat healthier. But in my adult years, I've generally been very very thin.

BIG HUGE SIGH. That's my gripe this morning.

Fuzzybear · Feb 13, 2020 at 12:24 PM

I'm sending hugs and support

Have Hope · Feb 13, 2020 at 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Hey @Have Hope: I do not know how closely you want to track your weight but I'd like to share what I started doing. Before my gastric bypass I was weight obsessed. I "tried" bulimia but I wouldnt say I was bulimic because I believe I was suffering from "disordered eating"(not sure if thats an actual dx or not). I would go from one fad diet to another, fasting, overeating, only eating certain foods, restricting, you name it. I do not believe I had a food addiction but I do believe my early childhood trauma affected me and I believe that those feel good chemicals in my brain were triggered when I ate certain foods. As a child- how do you escape that stuff? For me, it was food. I also believe there was a metabolism issue, genetically speaking, that made me hold on to weight. I had gastric bypass to lose weight- yes but the specific one I had was the roux-n-y. I dont think they were doing the sleeves 13 years ago but I dont remember. I chose this particular surgery because not only did it reduce the size of my stomach to physically affect my eating, it changed the absorption. At the time it was hardly covered by insurance and honestly, more "regulated" in the sense that I had to sign paperwork saying I knew I would have to take supplements for the rest of my life, that I knew it was a tool and not a solution and that I was aware that certain poor food choices could make me sick. I think that was a good thing- because I do know a lot of people who end up gaining weight back. Sorry to bog this down- what I started doing post surgery was weighing myself once a week. I was still weight obsessed and would judge myself by those numbers and by what progress I thought i made or didnt make. Since the surgery I have kept all but about 15-20lbs off. I lose and regain those pounds all the time depending on the type of foods I eat. I may not be able to eat a lot but eating small amounts of crap all day will inevitably lead to weight gain. I found that once I lost most of the weight I was still weighing myself too much. I used my perceived success or failure as a weapon of self destruction to somehow hold against myself which wasnt healthy. Unfortunately for me, the "escaping" through food turned into alcoholism but genetically I am 100% certain that the bipolar mixed with paternal genetics was what lead me to have an addictive personality. I overcame it but now I struggle with smoking. I think you shouldnt weigh yourself more than once a week, once a month if you can stand it. I think you should weigh yourself naked in the morning after you go to the bathroom- at the same time. Its really the best way to really see what's going on. I promise you it really helps with the mental obsession. Sorry to go on and on its just something I am passionate about. In particular we women are held against unrealistic ideals and sexualized and judged by how we look. We internalize those ideals and begin to live by them. Being in that state of mind is like being in a bad neighborhood- you are bound to get jumped.
xxxooo

Thank you Sarah! I do only weigh myself once a week, but I obsess over how I feel and look in the mirrors. I just don’t like myself heavy. It sucks. And I do have an eating disorder I also grapple with. The whole thing sucks.

Have Hope · Feb 13, 2020 at 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I'm sending hugs and support

Aw, thanks Fuzzy!!!

Purple,Violet,Blue · Feb 13, 2020 at 07:45 PM

Thinking of you. Sorry it's hard. I completely understand.

Great post by SarahSweet (and others)!

When I was eating disordered, I used to think that other people could be not-skinny and still attractive, but for some reason, I was the exception.

Now, I stand behind myself whatever weight I am, and focus on other things, like enjoying having boobs!

It's quite a subtle shift, but honestly our bodies can feel delightful when they're softer / curvier.

Just a thought but, maybe it might help to invest in some clothes that really go for it in terms of embracing a more voluptuous style. Then you're going out to meet the future with a certain aggressiveness / FU-ness that does feel excellent.

And... not being hungry all the time should give your mood a little boost.

Oh, and stop looking at magazines.

Big hugs to you. The beach is a real challenge.

downandlonely · Feb 13, 2020 at 07:47 PM

Yeah, I would try maybe to focus on your good qualities (everyone has some). My butt is enormous, but I like it that way, and others do too.

Have Hope · Feb 13, 2020 at 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Thinking of you. Sorry it's hard. I completely understand.

Great post by SarahSweet (and others)!

When I was eating disordered, I used to think that other people could be not-skinny and still attractive, but for some reason, I was the exception.

Now, I stand behind myself whatever weight I am, and focus on other things, like enjoying having boobs!

It's quite a subtle shift, but honestly our bodies can feel delightful when they're softer / curvier.

Just a thought but, maybe it might help to invest in some clothes that really go for it in terms of embracing a more voluptuous style. Then you're going out to meet the future with a certain aggressiveness / FU-ness that does feel excellent.

And... not being hungry all the time should give your mood a little boost.

Oh, and stop looking at magazines.

Big hugs to you. The beach is a real challenge.

Thank you @Purple,Violet,Blue!

It's SO very hard to shift my whole entire mentality like that. I'm trying but it's undoing a lifetime of faulty thinking. I know in my logical mind that it's warped thinking.... I mean, our whole society is warped by thinking and throwing in our faces how women must be thin in order to be beautiful. It's not right, it's not fair. We then develop eating disorders partially as a result of our culture?? And because of other factors? Probably abuse of some sort? It makes me so angry..... sorry, I am now ranting and am going off in a tangent.

It's just hard.

Have Hope · Feb 13, 2020 at 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by downandlonely

Yeah, I would try maybe to focus on your good qualities (everyone has some). My butt is enormous, but I like it that way, and others do too.

Thank you.

Purple,Violet,Blue · Feb 13, 2020 at 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Thank you @Purple,Violet,Blue!

It's SO very hard to shift my whole entire mentality like that. I'm trying but it's undoing a lifetime of faulty thinking. I know in my logical mind that it's warped thinking.... I mean, our whole society is warped by thinking and throwing in our faces how women must be thin in order to be beautiful. It's not right, it's not fair. We then develop eating disorders partially as a result of our culture?? And because of other factors? Probably abuse of some sort? It makes me so angry..... sorry, I am now ranting and am going off in a tangent.

It's just hard.

Feel free to rant. It is infuriating, the way these images have got inside our heads.

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Open Eyes Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Northeast USA Posts: 23,106 (SuperPoster!) 13 21.3k hugs given	Jan 23, 2020 at 08:15 AM #44 Maybe it's near your time of month too Hope as that can tip the scales a bit. Also, keep in mind you are nursing a back that is healing and you have not been able to be very active. Inactivity slows down the metabolizm and even though you are eating less the lack of physical exercise means you are not burning up the calories.
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,325 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Feb 13, 2020 at 12:24 PM #53 I'm sending hugs and support __________________
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downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	Feb 13, 2020 at 07:47 PM #57 Yeah, I would try maybe to focus on your good qualities (everyone has some). My butt is enormous, but I like it that way, and others do too.
	Reply With Quote