FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#1
Please post in this thread with your thoughts re healthy boundaries. Thanks to all
__________________ |
Reply With Quote |
Purple,Violet,Blue, Thirty shades
|
Magnate
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: Britain
Posts: 2,899
6 10.3k hugs
given |
#2
Good question.
It depends where you mean... I'm not too bad with irl friends. I'm pretty much the same as I am here on the forum. But in the workplace, my boundaries often turn to jelly. I feel trapped there, and react strongly to hostility or criticism from bosses (but not colleagues, fortunately). It's a violent father thing. So, I suppose I define healthy boundaries as being able to make yourself feel safe. |
Reply With Quote |
CuriousWin, Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
|
Discombobulated, MuseumGhost, Thirty shades
|
Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 24
4 15 hugs
given |
#3
Only tell your personal business to a trusted friend. Must be careful who you inform your personal business too.
|
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear, Purple,Violet,Blue, Thirty shades
|
Discombobulated, MuseumGhost
|
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#4
Quote:
__________________ |
|
Reply With Quote |
Purple,Violet,Blue, Thirty shades
|
Magnate
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: Britain
Posts: 2,899
6 10.3k hugs
given |
#5
Good thread, Fuzzy!
|
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
|
MuseumGhost
|
Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,090
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
given |
#6
What are healthy boundaries?
1. Saying no without guilt 2. Asking for what you want and need 3. Taking care of yourself 4. Doing things out of interest/desire, not out of obligation or to please others 5. Behaving according to your own values and beliefs 6. Feeling safe to express difficult emotions and have disagreements 7. Pursuing your own goals 8. Taking responsibility for your own happiness 9. Not feeling responsible for someone else’s happiness 10. Being in tune with your own feelings 11. Knowing who you are, what you believe, what you like __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear, Gfofaddict, Purple,Violet,Blue, Thirty shades
|
Anonymous42019, Bill3, continuosly blue, Discombobulated, magicalprince, MuseumGhost, Plotx, Thirty shades
|
Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,658
10 2,911 hugs
given |
#7
I would say it differs from situation to situation. I don't think there are hard and fast rules: but self-respect is a big one.
Respecting yourself enough (meaning as it pertains to your physical health, mental health, social health, or any other area of your life) is the key for me. |
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear, Purple,Violet,Blue, Thirty shades
|
Discombobulated, MuseumGhost
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 4,799
(SuperPoster!)
5 16.2k hugs
given |
#8
Healthy boundaries are essential to wellbeing.
I thought that I struggled to set them. Later I realised that I had set some boundaries but I had a tendency to accept people into my life who did not respect them. I guess we all have our own triggers that people need to understand and respect but many boundaries are universal and are just human kindness and respect for all. I think I have room for improvement. Hugs and respect to all |
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear, Gfofaddict, Have Hope, mote.of.soul, Purple,Violet,Blue
|
MuseumGhost
|
Veteran Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 709
4 81 hugs
given |
#9
For me, I think it boils down to good communication skills. My intuition is good. I tend to know what is the right thing for me at the time. It’s like the words to that song: Say what you need to say.
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous42019, Fuzzybear, mote.of.soul, Purple,Violet,Blue, Thirty shades
|
Anonymous42019, MuseumGhost
|
Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Covington ga
Posts: 44
4 15 hugs
given |
#10
I have a question about boundaries that I can’t find Info on. I’m curious, if someone has a boundary, a limit for acceptance of something but it conflicts with someone else’s boundary how is that worked out, or is it?
For example say someone doesn’t want a partner who looks at porn, it just doesn’t work for her. Then she unintentionally find out her SO uses it a lot. He knows it doesn’t work for her in a relationship and so because of that fact he’s always hidden it and lied about what he’s doing. He tells her he has stopped but obviously she has no way to verify that or to know if her boundary is still being broken or not or if he’s still hiding it and lieing. She can’t know whether the relationship is what she wants or not. So his boundary is that he wants total privacy, so if she looks to see if her boundaries are being violated she is then violating his boundaries. Is this what would be an irreconcilable difference or what can be done in a situation like that.? It’s usually easy to know if your boundaries are being violated becuase it’s visible. But what about those such as cheating, going places or with someone or doing something that can be hidden from you? Or is the boundary really that of being dealt with honestly so the minute someone does that they are breaking the boundary because without it then there is no way of knowing if the other things are happening? I’m new to this boundary thing and am confused! |
Reply With Quote |
Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,090
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
given |
#11
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
|
Reply With Quote |
MuseumGhost
|
Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,192
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,872 hugs
given |
#12
Quote:
So, then you can either loosen your boundary, letting them plow right over it, and accept their behavior or make firmer demands, or end the relationship when that boundary is truly a deal breaker. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
|
Reply With Quote |
MuseumGhost, unaluna
|
Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Covington ga
Posts: 44
4 15 hugs
given |
#13
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#14
Quote:
__________________ |
|
Reply With Quote |
Discombobulated, MuseumGhost, Purple,Violet,Blue
|
MuseumGhost, WastingAsparagus
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,202
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,769 hugs
given |
#15
For me boundaries are respecting my personal space. Leaving me alone If I tell you to. I don’t have to be your friend. Don’t keep pushing a conversation when I am clearly uncomfortable with it. No means no. Jump scares are not funny. Don’t touch me at all. I am very creeped out when you mirror my appearance, my values, my views, my likes, my Facebook posts, etc, and not flattered that you want to be like me. My time off work is my time. My job is not an on call type job.
And respecting other people’s boundaries the way I want mine respected. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear, Purple,Violet,Blue
|
MuseumGhost
|
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#16
Quote:
__________________ |
|
Reply With Quote |
Have Hope, MuseumGhost, Purple,Violet,Blue, TishaBuv
|
MuseumGhost
|
Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,192
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,872 hugs
given |
#17
When people respect you, they have no problems respecting your boundaries.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear, Purple,Violet,Blue
|
MuseumGhost
|
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#18
Thank you to all those who are respectful of other people's boundaries who have replied
__________________ |
Reply With Quote |
MuseumGhost, Purple,Violet,Blue
|
MuseumGhost
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given |
#19
Interesting thread!
It’s not needed to repeat what it has been already said about respect, safety that I strongly agree with. I would like to add a different point of view. Healthy boundaries are something human being begins to develop from early childhood when we begin to understand that we are separate entities from our procreators. I mean it’s a totally social construct from my viewpoint. There it is the focus of the problem. If you are not allowed to learn it, you will lack of it or at least, you will struggle with it. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear
|
MuseumGhost
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given |
#20
Self- respect as you respect others. Simple but true.
__________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
Reply With Quote |
MuseumGhost
|
Reply |
|