How Do They Do It?

This morning at work someone was setting up the auditorium for a three day meeting. The auditorium is next to my room. I was feeling very down this morning, not because of having to be at work. But because of some personal things going on - my friend's wife not feeling well and having a doctor's appointment from a blood test I took that was not great.

Well, that guy who was working in the auditorium came in to my room asking me how I'm doing. He's a boisterous kind of guy, very loud and very positive. He's very friendly, but can get on my nerves as he can be a bit bossy. Anyways he was yelling up at me that life is great and other things like that. I just wasn't feeling that way. I'm a reserved kind of guy and tend to be pessimistic. He didn't know what was going on in my head.

Later on I apologized to him about how I was. I didn't go into details with him on what's going on with me, but I told him that I felt down because of what's going on. He said that I was fine, no worries. Then he said that we don't have control in our lives so we shouldn't feel so down. I agree with him but I've heard that so many times.

I don't know how people like him and others like him do it? Being so up and positive, that nothing bad ever phases them. They may have it worse than I do, but they keep that high positive up. How do they do it? I just can't.

Hey @will19

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Originally Posted by will19 Later on I apologized to him about how I was. I didn't go into details with him on what's going on with me, but I told him that I felt down because of what's going on. He said that I was fine, no worries. Then he said that we don't have control in our lives so we shouldn't feel so down. I agree with him but I've heard that so many times.

I can see how that can seem dismissive but I dont think he was trying to be that way. He doesnt sound to me, like one of those "suck it up buttercup" types of people but with you feeling down it could have hurt your feelings. Or maybe it didnt.

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I don't know how people like him and others like him do it? Being so up and positive, that nothing bad ever phases them. They may have it worse than I do, but they keep that high positive up. How do they do it? I just can't.

Have you always been pessimistic? Like about everything all the time? Or are you pessimistic because you have a lot going on or are in a situation that is stressful? I think there needs to be a distinction between pessimism- negativity no matter what is going on, long term and almost chronically- and being down, bad situations or stressful things going on. I think if life is truly tough having a negative outlook can be a byproduct of that situation. Its hard to see the positive when things are bad and I do not think someone has to be positive.
I want to clarify that I am a positive person. Honestly through AA and therapy I learned to be positive even when things are horrible. I have had the worst 18 months I have ever had in my life but because I did so much growing- I have been able to not let it take me over and color all aspects of my existence. But that is not easy and I would never hold it against someone because they do not have my outlook. And none of that happened until I was 40. Even sobriety didnt provide me with instant clarity and positivity. I still had to re-learn how to cope and learn skills about acceptance and taking each moment at a time and all that- and it took me 4 years. I can not explain why it clicked when it did. The things that have happened the over the last nearly two years would have broken most people or caused marital problems or in some cases, caused people to relapse or fall apart. I am fortunate but I do not take that for granted. I wish I could explain it better and I am not trying to act like a jerk or imply that I am so great or anything like that. I do not know how to explain how to be positive in the face of hard times. Its perfectly normal and ok if someone has a negative outlook due to hard times. I think as long as you are working on it, over time you may learn or experience ways to change that outlook. Or you may not, but its ok. Are you in therapy? Do you have someone to talk to or share about your issues.
Also I think at work some people just project more confidence or positivity because they are at work and do not want to seem like they are negative or not a team player. Maybe deep down his life is falling apart? No one can know for sure.

I find the practice of Mindfulness helps me to keep my glass half full. Even in a chaotic or stressful time, I bring my attention into what’s actually happening here. Most times our suffering comes because we are carrying heavy thoughts about what’s happened in our lives or we are anxious or worried about what will happen tomorrow.

I just take a few deep breaths and bring all of my mind in the environment I’m in or on the current task I’m working on. I feel an instant relief. I don’t have to be triggered by anything because I refuse to bring anything upsetting from my past (including maybe the annoying traffic I experienced in the morning) and I just take everything that happens with a fresh perspective.

This brings peace and happiness.

What a great post and it's a good question. Over the years I've wondered this too and figured I also couldn't be like that. I'm still not that way but I have had glimpses recently.

For many years, sometimes consciously sometimes not, I'd resent those types of people because I wanted to be like that deep down. I'd get frustrated about it and it would compound itself.
I find when I really let go, admit I don't know much of anything, and really admit that I don't have control over much of anything beyond myself, I feel and act like the guy you're describing.

The thing is though you can too. You're just telling yourself you can't for whatever reasons you tell yourself. I do it too and have for years. It's difficult to break.

He tried to convey this to you when he said, "we don't have control in our lives so we shouldn't feel so down."
There is a lot of wisdom in that, but on the surface it sounds so simplistic, maybe even trite to those who are unaware.
If we're stuck inside ourselves it might as well seem like a foreign language. That could be why you've heard it a lot but maybe you aren't getting it.

Making the post though was a good idea. Be Still has a good interpretation too. I would check into practicing mindfulness for yourself on a regular basis. Best of luck in your day today!