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WantPeaceofMind
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Default Jan 20, 2020 at 07:57 PM
  #1
I need to get my conscious out. So I have posted several posts on here. I am making my life fall apart. I could go into a lot of details. I keep telling myself that I since i am letting my life fall apart i may as well let it keep going. I truely scare my self because things are not working out like i wanted. I truely dont take care of myself bathing very rarely. Which adds to well what is more that i am beyond saving myself since i have let things so far out of what i recognise. I have a job that I get really stressed out about. Being late (stress) has added to it. I feel like such a failure that i see people i know shopping where i work and tell myself they are smart enough to not do things that really have screwed their life up as bad as me. I tell myself that i am only doing because my parents want me to since I am living with them. I don't trust myself to live on my own for fear I may not keep going to work. It all started when I quit my last job not going due to my being overwhelmed feeling I couldn't do it. I messed up a job I knew well, and got up for work on time took care of things in life everyone does. I know it sounds really dumb to others probably. I just can win with myself. I am close to losing a job from being late too many times. I have had to have my parents tell me to get to work, and this added stress to myself. I have made it work on my own, and still late a lot. I feel guilt because my parents havent had to wake me up, but still late. Seems that there is a part of me so evil, that is winning. I have a lot of telling myself what is he use, and cave to it. I tell myself i am scared to hit a rock bottom. Which would most likely or I think homelessness. You'd think that would scare the heck out of someone to fricken do what it takes to do things right. I feel im ruled by my thoughts and feelings by my overwhelmed life and slowly giving in. It is getting to be too much, and feel i dont have the strength to just keep going.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 05:58 AM
  #2
I wish I knew how to make you feel better. It seems like you have an internal dialogue that you use to beat yourself up.

It may not be true that other people are smarter than you. They may just be good at hiding their problems. I'm realizing more and more that people who look smug and popular are actually really miserable and insecure. Nothing can make the problems in your life go away quickly, but is it possible to try to stop blaming yourself? We all make mistakes especially when we are stressed and life is not ideal. From your other posts, I suspected your parents may have some blame in the problems you are having. So it is not entirely your fault you are having a hard time.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 11:19 AM
  #3
I can relate in part. I, too, find difficult doing ANYTHING when I'm overwhelmed. Please don't give up. It seems like you could use some help. Have you considered seeing a Therapist? Maybe that could help a bit! Please give it a try. Talk about ALL of this to your Parents as well. I am sure they'll understand your struggles if you just explain it to them. Wishing you the absolute BEST of Luck! Let us know how it works out! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @WantPeaceofMind, your Family, your Friends, and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 04:00 PM
  #4
Thanks for input. As for self blame you are right. It seems I have a hard time just telling myself I made mistakes, learn and move on. I am too anxious to tell my parents about being late they would be more upset with me. Or even tell them i was told by my boss about doing something about being late. My dad has been a really hard worker and expects his kids to be. I have been most of my life. I have dreaded going to work but not with the thinking I can't do it. And went to work on time etc. I can only tell myself that i have made my work in my mind so stressful because when starting the current job having to multitask different departments and sensitive to a worker being what I take as getting on me about things when I was being helpful. Add other things being late worried about what others thought about. no one said anything and I explained to my boss. I would force and get to work at times. And then fall back and be late. I would like tell myself the good to motivate me to go to work. The thought i have to, money, etc seems as it is not enough. My feelings my life is so bad and hard over seems to make keep doing what I'm doing is what can think of.. Most people learn from mistakes not let them happen again. I tell myself you have done the worst. By making it harder and find it not getting easier. It is in my mind all the time, and tell myself you can learn and move on. It seems I see everything as so wrong in every way. Which I have a hard time to focus on what's good to overcome the bad. So I have going on in my head.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 04:05 PM
  #5
Thanks for good wishes and hugs. I hope your live are going good for you guys. Also thank you for time to listen to me and reply.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 06:44 PM
  #6
WantPeaceofMind, have you tried seeing a therapist about these challenges you are dealing with?
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Default Jan 23, 2020 at 10:32 AM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by WantPeaceofMind View Post
I need to get my conscious out. So I have posted several posts on here. I am making my life fall apart. I could go into a lot of details. I keep telling myself that I since i am letting my life fall apart i may as well let it keep going. I truely scare my self because things are not working out like i wanted. I truely dont take care of myself bathing very rarely. Which adds to well what is more that i am beyond saving myself since i have let things so far out of what i recognise. I have a job that I get really stressed out about. Being late (stress) has added to it. I feel like such a failure that i see people i know shopping where i work and tell myself they are smart enough to not do things that really have screwed their life up as bad as me. I tell myself that i am only doing because my parents want me to since I am living with them. I don't trust myself to live on my own for fear I may not keep going to work. It all started when I quit my last job not going due to my being overwhelmed feeling I couldn't do it. I messed up a job I knew well, and got up for work on time took care of things in life everyone does. I know it sounds really dumb to others probably. I just can win with myself. I am close to losing a job from being late too many times. I have had to have my parents tell me to get to work, and this added stress to myself. I have made it work on my own, and still late a lot. I feel guilt because my parents havent had to wake me up, but still late. Seems that there is a part of me so evil, that is winning. I have a lot of telling myself what is he use, and cave to it. I tell myself i am scared to hit a rock bottom. Which would most likely or I think homelessness. You'd think that would scare the heck out of someone to fricken do what it takes to do things right. I feel im ruled by my thoughts and feelings by my overwhelmed life and slowly giving in. It is getting to be too much, and feel i dont have the strength to just keep going.
Have you thought about going to therapy?
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Default Jan 23, 2020 at 08:00 PM
  #8
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Originally Posted by WantPeaceofMind View Post
Thanks for good wishes and hugs. I hope your live are going good for you guys. Also thank you for time to listen to me and reply.
I'm sending hugs and kind thoughts

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