Broken Heart

LilyMop · Jan 22, 2020 at 04:45 PM

My heart is broken. I don’t know how to accept it and move on.

Today at work I heard the song “The Dance” by Garth Brooks and I could barely hold the tears back.

Sometimes you give everything you’ve got and it’s never enough. Sometimes you realize you could have done better and it’s too late.

Purple,Violet,Blue · Jan 22, 2020 at 05:08 PM

I'm so sorry. Don't know what to say, except that I'm here to listen.

happysobercrafter · Jan 22, 2020 at 07:23 PM

Sweetpea, what helped me was to accept HOW I felt about my pain. I couldn't, and still can't fathom, blood relatives abusing an innocent child. What I knew to be true was how deeply it wounded me; how it crushed me.

I couldn't figure out the logic because there is none. My emotions, my wounded, hurting self, that is what I knew I could address because that was my reality. Those were my emotions, those were the facts I could not change. My feelings and emotions are my most important responsibility.

So, I focused on accepting the fact that my own flesh and blood mother and two older sisters abused me mentally, physically, and emotionally and how deeply that made me hurt. How deeply it damaged me. I had to accept how it hurt me and changed me. Then and only then I became able to start to heal and move it behind me.

Does this help?

winter4me · Jan 22, 2020 at 07:27 PM

It's OK to let yourself grieve the loss...it lingers---I find keeping busy helps. And choose your music (stick with the ones that make you feel good)…(((((((((((hug))))))))))))))
sometimes, you will never know.

Buffy01 · Jan 22, 2020 at 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyMop

My heart is broken. I don’t know how to accept it and move on.

Today at work I heard the song “The Dance” by Garth Brooks and I could barely hold the tears back.

Sometimes you give everything you’ve got and it’s never enough. Sometimes you realize you could have done better and it’s too late.

I'm sorry that you are feeling hurt.

Fuzzybear · Jan 22, 2020 at 08:10 PM

winter4me · Jan 23, 2020 at 05:24 AM

thinking of you.

Have Hope · Jan 23, 2020 at 06:42 AM

Bill3 · Jan 23, 2020 at 09:50 AM

Thinking of you

bpcyclist · Jan 23, 2020 at 10:54 AM

Also thinking of you. We are here for you.

Open Eyes · Jan 23, 2020 at 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyMop

My heart is broken. I don’t know how to accept it and move on.

Today at work I heard the song “The Dance” by Garth Brooks and I could barely hold the tears back.

Sometimes you give everything you’ve got and it’s never enough. Sometimes you realize you could have done better and it’s too late.

That is what I am working on too Lily.

Some people just have dark hearts and there is nothing you can do to change that. And in all honesty, sometimes the nicer you are the more they want to pull you down to their level too.

LilyMop · Jan 23, 2020 at 03:21 PM

Thank you so much my kind friends. You have no idea how much each of you touched my heart by sending me good thoughts and hugs. I can’t even begin to tell you how much it means to me. Thank you so much. I am so grateful to have you as my friends.

I hope it’s true what my counselor says. He very adamantly says that facing all the pain eventually leads to acceptance and peace.

Purple,Violet,Blue · Jan 23, 2020 at 05:07 PM

Dear Lilymop, although still struggling with certain difficulties in my life, I definitely have had that experience; I've found acceptance through facing the pain.

I don't know if facing is the right word...

It seems clear now that many of my behaviours (like the eating disorders) were about distracting myself from the real pain. I was on the run from it. Terrified of become depressed and overwhelmed by it.

My best therapist said what your counseler is saying; we have to let the truth come, no matter what, and sort of stand in the middle of it.

That's the only position, I believe, from which true healing can happen.

So much love to you.

LilyMop · Jan 24, 2020 at 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Dear Lilymop, although still struggling with certain difficulties in my life, I definitely have had that experience; I've found acceptance through facing the pain.

I don't know if facing is the right word...

It seems clear now that many of my behaviours (like the eating disorders) were about distracting myself from the real pain. I was on the run from it. Terrified of become depressed and overwhelmed by it.

My best therapist said what your counseler is saying; we have to let the truth come, no matter what, and sort of stand in the middle of it.

That's the only position, I believe, from which true healing can happen.

So much love to you.

I like the way you worded that. I can honestly say I am letting the truth come and I am standing right in the middle of all of it. I feel confused as well as overwhelmingly sad at times. I keep wondering if all this is my karma for bad choices I’ve made in my life. We do what we think is best at the time and then later it’s confusing when we look back and see it from a different perspective.

happysobercrafter · 12:29 PM

Sweetpea!! This is NOT Karma! Your emotions are doing their job! However this problem got locked in place, it is not natural to you. That is why it is nagging you to be validated so it will leave.

It will subside, but you have to let it run it's course. You can tell your emotions to hang on until you are somewhere private so you can grieve freely. I do that when something gets triggered and I am out in public. Then once I am home, I address it.

All of this is new too you; you will learn as you go what helps and what doesn't. Please, try to honor what your feelings are telling you. xoxoxoxox

I apologize if I am coming on too strong. I see you suffer and it kills me. But that is my issue to manage and it isn't for me to burden you with that.

Once you get through this, the rest will be easier because you see how it works. Not easier, but I think you know what I mean.

Purple,Violet,Blue · Jan 24, 2020 at 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyMop

I like the way you worded that. I can honestly say I am letting the truth come and I am standing right in the middle of all of it. I feel confused as well as overwhelmingly sad at times. I keep wondering if all this is my karma for bad choices I’ve made in my life. We do what we think is best at the time and then later it’s confusing when we look back and see it from a different perspective.

It certainly does seem like you're at its centre. Quite soon, if you keep honouring it and letting the emotion come, you should experience a powerful sense of relief.

*Beth* · Jan 24, 2020 at 08:03 PM

I am so, so sorry LilyMop. I know now that there is nothing worse than having a broken heart. Sometimes I have hope...other times it all feels just impossible. I'm sending you love and strength.

LilyMop · Jan 28, 2020 at 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

I am so, so sorry LilyMop. I know now that there is nothing worse than having a broken heart. Sometimes I have hope...other times it all feels just impossible. I'm sending you love and strength.

Thank you and the same back to you. I don’t think I have hope anymore. Some days I accept this and some days I feel overwhelmed with sadness. It’s a very strange roller coaster ride.

Anonymous42019 · Jan 29, 2020 at 04:38 AM

Lily, I am sorry you are going through such a rough time

Music is emotive in good ways, but also in unhelpful ways. Try and avoid listening to soulful music at night, because evening time is when we tend to overthink. Also, our body's defences are lowered come the evening.

It would be wise to be choosy what you listen to and also what you watch, such as TV. Listening and viewing can trigger unwelcome memories in us.

Rest more if you are able to. Rest helps maintain our immune system, fighting viruses such as common colds. Rest also helps us cope with feelings of loss and grief. And, nothing beats a nice pot of tea.

Be strong, take your time with your broken heart and don't rush it. It is said that 'time is a great healer', your intense feelings will lessen, and this is true.

You remain in my thoughts and prayers dear friend.

LilyMop · Feb 04, 2020 at 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Access Denied

Lily, I am sorry you are going through such a rough time

Music is emotive in good ways, but also in unhelpful ways. Try and avoid listening to soulful music at night, because evening time is when we tend to overthink. Also, our body's defences are lowered come the evening.

It would be wise to be choosy what you listen to and also what you watch, such as TV. Listening and viewing can trigger unwelcome memories in us.

Rest more if you are able to. Rest helps maintain our immune system, fighting viruses such as common colds. Rest also helps us cope with feelings of loss and grief. And, nothing beats a nice pot of tea.

Be strong, take your time with your broken heart and don't rush it. It is said that 'time is a great healer', your intense feelings will lessen, and this is true.

You remain in my thoughts and prayers dear friend.

Thank you so much for your kind words and wise advice my lovely friend. Time is certainly the ultimate healer and I do love some hot tea. I’ve been avoiding music quite a bit unless it’s happy or fun music...

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LilyMop Veteran Member Member Since Sep 2019 Location: U.S. Posts: 709 4 81 hugs given	Jan 22, 2020 at 04:45 PM #1 My heart is broken. I don’t know how to accept it and move on. Today at work I heard the song “The Dance” by Garth Brooks and I could barely hold the tears back. Sometimes you give everything you’ve got and it’s never enough. Sometimes you realize you could have done better and it’s too late.
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Purple,Violet,Blue Magnate Member Since Sep 2017 Location: Britain Posts: 2,899 6 10.3k hugs given	Jan 22, 2020 at 05:08 PM #2 I'm so sorry. Don't know what to say, except that I'm here to listen.
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winter4me Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2012 Location: new england Posts: 7,733 11 1,818 hugs given	Jan 22, 2020 at 07:27 PM #4 It's OK to let yourself grieve the loss...it lingers---I find keeping busy helps. And choose your music (stick with the ones that make you feel good)…(((((((((((hug)))))))))))))) sometimes, you will never know. __________________ "...don't say Home / the bones of that word mend slowly...' marie harris
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,325 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Jan 22, 2020 at 08:10 PM #6 __________________
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winter4me Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2012 Location: new england Posts: 7,733 11 1,818 hugs given	Jan 23, 2020 at 05:24 AM #7 thinking of you. __________________ "...don't say Home / the bones of that word mend slowly...' marie harris
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Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,083 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,626 hugs given	Jan 23, 2020 at 06:42 AM #8 __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes
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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Jan 23, 2020 at 09:50 AM #9 Thinking of you
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bpcyclist Legendary Member Since Sep 2019 Location: Portland Posts: 12,681 (SuperPoster!) 4 40.2k hugs given	Jan 23, 2020 at 10:54 AM #10 Also thinking of you. We are here for you. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jan 24, 2020 at 08:03 PM #17 I am so, so sorry LilyMop. I know now that there is nothing worse than having a broken heart. Sometimes I have hope...other times it all feels just impossible. I'm sending you love and strength. __________________
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