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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 02:59 PM
  #1
After being dumped by a man because I have no money, I am doing ok now. I am focusing on leaving my situation and finding jobs at the new place I am moving. I feel fine. The man who I thought was not my type before wants to see me again. I am feeling good about myself. I knew the man who dumped me is abusive and controlling. He never respected me and never cared about me. I was a fool to be so obsessed with him. As I said before, I am attracted to abusive men. But, this time it worked out for my benefit. I cut off communication with him. I spent about three months chatting with him online but never met him in person. I am glad I did not. He wanted me to move to his country, take care of his child, and make money to make up for the money he couldn't earn himself. I just went along with it like a fool. Then, he had the audacity to say that I don't have money and that is it. Well, I am glad he said this.


Now, I have a lead to a job and will meet with the manager to discuss possible job opportunities. I also am focusing on moving my stuff. I am in daily contact with the man who stuck by me throughout this all. He is really nice to me. I am happy. He has always been nice but I was stupid to believe for a moment that drama is better than harmony. I think that time will heal my wounds. I also want to work. This man is helping me find jobs too. He is a gem. I will cherish him.


I think what woke me up after being hurt by an abusive man was that I watched a show about someone who ruined her life because she could not stop returning to her abuser. She is flat broke and being abused daily, but still says she loves this person. I was shocked but realize that she could be me. She divorced twice and is still investing her time with an abusive man. I want to stop this cycle of abuse.

I am doing fine now. It has been less than a week since I cut off communication with the abusive man. Before, I would cut him off then go back to chatting with him. This time I will remain strong and be free from him. I can't imagine going to a foreign country and surviving in a foreign culture while trying to help an abusive man. I must have been deluded. My brother kept telling me to get rid of him. I am glad the abusive man dumped me. Well, he did not really dump me but told me good luck and did not block me online. I think he wanted me to chat with him still but at this point, I don't care.

Life is good again! I will remain strong and believe in myself. I think the moral of my experience is that one must take care of oneself first especially if one has an illness. I learned this the hard way from my ex- husband who was very abusive and very ill with psychosis. I could not take care of myself let alone take care of him. I lost everything and was left with nothing. However, although I know I got burned by this experience, I still am attracted to abusive men. I need to stop this nonsense. And, I will by staying away from abusive people. My parents are abusive too though at times and this is the reason I am drawn to abusive people. I can choose my friends but not my relatives. I will deal with my parents by moving away. I feel blessed to have an opportunity to improve my life and have choices to make a sound decision. I can smile now!
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 06:13 PM
  #2
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Originally Posted by bpforever1 View Post
After being dumped by a man because I have no money, I am doing ok now. I am focusing on leaving my situation and finding jobs at the new place I am moving. I feel fine. The man who I thought was not my type before wants to see me again. I am feeling good about myself. I knew the man who dumped me is abusive and controlling. He never respected me and never cared about me. I was a fool to be so obsessed with him. As I said before, I am attracted to abusive men. But, this time it worked out for my benefit. I cut off communication with him. I spent about three months chatting with him online but never met him in person. I am glad I did not. He wanted me to move to his country, take care of his child, and make money to make up for the money he couldn't earn himself. I just went along with it like a fool. Then, he had the audacity to say that I don't have money and that is it. Well, I am glad he said this.


Now, I have a lead to a job and will meet with the manager to discuss possible job opportunities. I also am focusing on moving my stuff. I am in daily contact with the man who stuck by me throughout this all. He is really nice to me. I am happy. He has always been nice but I was stupid to believe for a moment that drama is better than harmony. I think that time will heal my wounds. I also want to work. This man is helping me find jobs too. He is a gem. I will cherish him.


I think what woke me up after being hurt by an abusive man was that I watched a show about someone who ruined her life because she could not stop returning to her abuser. She is flat broke and being abused daily, but still says she loves this person. I was shocked but realize that she could be me. She divorced twice and is still investing her time with an abusive man. I want to stop this cycle of abuse.

I am doing fine now. It has been less than a week since I cut off communication with the abusive man. Before, I would cut him off then go back to chatting with him. This time I will remain strong and be free from him. I can't imagine going to a foreign country and surviving in a foreign culture while trying to help an abusive man. I must have been deluded. My brother kept telling me to get rid of him. I am glad the abusive man dumped me. Well, he did not really dump me but told me good luck and did not block me online. I think he wanted me to chat with him still but at this point, I don't care.

Life is good again! I will remain strong and believe in myself. I think the moral of my experience is that one must take care of oneself first especially if one has an illness. I learned this the hard way from my ex- husband who was very abusive and very ill with psychosis. I could not take care of myself let alone take care of him. I lost everything and was left with nothing. However, although I know I got burned by this experience, I still am attracted to abusive men. I need to stop this nonsense. And, I will by staying away from abusive people. My parents are abusive too though at times and this is the reason I am drawn to abusive people. I can choose my friends but not my relatives. I will deal with my parents by moving away. I feel blessed to have an opportunity to improve my life and have choices to make a sound decision. I can smile now!
You sound amazing for leaving. Watch Lisa A Romano video on narcissistic abuse it might help you.
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 11:33 PM
  #3
Thank you very much for saying that I sound amazing. I don't feel this way but am relieved about recognizing my attraction to abusive people. Thank you also for telling me about Lisa A. Romano. Her videos are very informative and insightful. I am learning from them.
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Default Feb 01, 2020 at 02:47 PM
  #4
Very happy that you have had the courage to take this big step!! Good job!!!!

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Default Feb 01, 2020 at 04:39 PM
  #5
It was not easy to cut him off permanently because I did this several times and then went back to chatting with him. I realized I was addicted to the drama and the abuse. We had many fights within the three month span we chatted. I never even met him in person but he became my obsession. I would constantly check for his messages and received satisfaction when he responded. He never disclosed much personal information about himself but I was hooked to his abusive manner and responses. I was deluded and blinded. I finally realized that I had a gut feeling if I met him and continued with him, one day he would kill me if I went to his country. I kept having these feelings and visions that I decided something somewhere was warning me to stay away from him. People say to listen to your gut feeling about a situation or person. I never really realized that such a gut feeling is a warning- a caution to stay away from harm or violence. I don't know if it would have turned out this way but my gut feeling was on overdrive with him. I was scared of his reactions and responses. I continued chatting with him to placate him and his temper. It is good he told me good luck about my situation. I was not going to cut him off but realized I should not take any chances anymore with him. Truthfully, he scared me to bits and pieces with his volatile temper. He was attractive and very sexy which made it even worse for me. But, I was realizing he is a ticking time bomb and always will be. I found it rather odd he was divorced with a very young child with a foreign woman. This woman is still in his country trying to support herself and her child with him too. Then, he said he had to pay his lawyer to gain custody and did not have money to travel. Yet, he wanted me to work to make up for his lack of earnings. Whatever!! I had enough of his illogical rant I felt. I am relieved I was able to cut him off and have no intentions of being abused by him again. I allowed him to be abusive towards me. But, I had enough when I realized if I don't stop this cycle of abuse, I will forever be a victim by my own intentions. Thank you for complimenting me! I realize it is a big step towards freedom and self-respect!
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Default Feb 01, 2020 at 11:18 PM
  #6
Oh no, not again!! I have an urge or an impulse to chat with the abusive man again. But, this time I'm working through it and not giving into the urge. I guess, I was addicted to his abusive ways. I need to wean myself from him. It is hard but I will do my best to avoid him for good! People who tell others in abusive relationships to just walk away and cut the abusive person off are trying to be helpful but to actually do this is extremely difficult the longer the relationship has been. I'm getting stressed trying to control my urge to return to him but know it is for my own good to let him go and cut him from my life. I wish it were easier for people like me but realistically if you have been raised in an abusive family, then it is easy to fall prey to abusive people. I am sick and tired of my attraction to abusive people and want it to stop. This time, I will do my best and stay away from abuse.


Please wish me luck!


Thank you!
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Default Feb 02, 2020 at 12:35 PM
  #7
I am glad safety is such and important goal. Realizing this is possible please reiterate what is needed to establish how much you can handle.
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Default Feb 02, 2020 at 09:36 PM
  #8
I'm staying away from the abusive man!! I met an orthopedic surgeon online. We are just pen pals or chat buddies, so far. I am doing fine! Well, the scammer told me he was based in Afghanistan, lol!! Good-bye orthopedic scammer. I'm laughing but his lies were too ridiculous!

Last edited by bpforever1; Feb 02, 2020 at 10:30 PM..
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Default Feb 23, 2020 at 01:28 AM
  #9
I just got a teaching job part-time which will pay 34 dollars per hour. I am also thinking about going to nursing school to become a nurse-midwife. I am happy! I no longer talk to the abusive man and met another pen pal. He is successful and married. He told me to make something out of myself. I thought about it long and hard and decided to improve myself. I am happier now. I know as long as I take my medication, I am fine. I really like his man but know we will be just friends. I am doing well and will be moving out of my situation to work and focus on preparing for nursing school. I will be moving in about a month. I am very excited and am hoping for the best!!
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Default Feb 24, 2020 at 03:28 AM
  #10
I enjoyed being single because I do not have to worry about pleasing another person so I can feel like I need someone in my life to be happy. I learned that happiness begins with you. If you are happy in life despite the ups and downs than others will be happy for you and with you. Also, I learn to love myself and set high standards for myself. Because as one of my good friend always say if you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.
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Default Apr 13, 2020 at 10:47 AM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by bpforever1 View Post
After being dumped by a man because I have no money, I am doing ok now. I am focusing on leaving my situation and finding jobs at the new place I am moving. I feel fine. The man who I thought was not my type before wants to see me again. I am feeling good about myself. I knew the man who dumped me is abusive and controlling. He never respected me and never cared about me. I was a fool to be so obsessed with him. As I said before, I am attracted to abusive men. But, this time it worked out for my benefit. I cut off communication with him. I spent about three months chatting with him online but never met him in person. I am glad I did not. He wanted me to move to his country, take care of his child, and make money to make up for the money he couldn't earn himself. I just went along with it like a fool. Then, he had the audacity to say that I don't have money and that is it. Well, I am glad he said this.


Now, I have a lead to a job and will meet with the manager to discuss possible job opportunities. I also am focusing on moving my stuff. I am in daily contact with the man who stuck by me throughout this all. He is really nice to me. I am happy. He has always been nice but I was stupid to believe for a moment that drama is better than harmony. I think that time will heal my wounds. I also want to work. This man is helping me find jobs too. He is a gem. I will cherish him.


I think what woke me up after being hurt by an abusive man was that I watched a show about someone who ruined her life because she could not stop returning to her abuser. She is flat broke and being abused daily, but still says she loves this person. I was shocked but realize that she could be me. She divorced twice and is still investing her time with an abusive man. I want to stop this cycle of abuse.

I am doing fine now. It has been less than a week since I cut off communication with the abusive man. Before, I would cut him off then go back to chatting with him. This time I will remain strong and be free from him. I can't imagine going to a foreign country and surviving in a foreign culture while trying to help an abusive man. I must have been deluded. My brother kept telling me to get rid of him. I am glad the abusive man dumped me. Well, he did not really dump me but told me good luck and did not block me online. I think he wanted me to chat with him still but at this point, I don't care.

Life is good again! I will remain strong and believe in myself. I think the moral of my experience is that one must take care of oneself first especially if one has an illness. I learned this the hard way from my ex- husband who was very abusive and very ill with psychosis. I could not take care of myself let alone take care of him. I lost everything and was left with nothing. However, although I know I got burned by this experience, I still am attracted to abusive men. I need to stop this nonsense. And, I will by staying away from abusive people. My parents are abusive too though at times and this is the reason I am drawn to abusive people. I can choose my friends but not my relatives. I will deal with my parents by moving away. I feel blessed to have an opportunity to improve my life and have choices to make a sound decision. I can smile now!

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Default Apr 16, 2020 at 04:32 AM
  #12
I am teaching online now. I am doing well!! I take my medication daily. I am trying to take care of myself well too. I like working!! I am trying to earn 20 hours of assignments per week. I made this a goal to see if I can achieve it. I slowly am getting there.


I met a man online who is supportive of me. He tells me to be successful and not give up. He is my best friend now. I chat with him daily. He and I will remain friends hopefully. I am in no position to take care of another person. For me, just taking care of myself and working are hard enough!

Life is good! I've never been better!! I am working, taking care of myself, and taking my medication daily. I need to remind myself to take my medication and take it as soon as I wake up now. It helps a lot!!

I am tired at times but I drink coffee to alleviate my tiredness.

I have come a long way from being imprisoned by my family and not being able to go out anywhere. Now, I am free!! Life is swell! Freedom is at times a privilege, not a right given easily. I will just continue taking my life one day at a time and see where it goes!

Last edited by bpforever1; Apr 16, 2020 at 04:49 AM..
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