Incredibly Alone. Feeling like a Failure.

NeedHelp104 · Feb 18, 2020 at 05:00 PM

Hi everyone.

I'm sad, very depressed. I've hit my all-time low. I made it a new years goal to combat my depression. I have not been too successful.

. I did really well on an exam last week (got an A-) and had an exam yesterday...Didn't do too well and it dropped my average. I feel so defeated. I feel so low that I want to give up. I don't feel like I will make it anywhere. I feel like I'm drowning in the ocean, watching everything else around me disappearing. I don't know what to do. I don't feel as though I know who I am anymore. I don't have a good support system...I just feel incredibly alone. Wondering how everyone else does it because I try so hard...It's so hard to have a good day I get so jealous of people outside smiling and laughing, getting married, having kids, etc...While I just watch. I hope some can relate because I feel so alone

AzulOscuro · Feb 18, 2020 at 11:44 PM

Hello,
I need to ask you a question. You said you don’t have a support. Neither you count with the possibility to do therapy and attend to see a psychiatrist or psychologist to treat that depression? Because it would be a great help, meds and therapy could help you to get a little bit out of this hole.
You sound pretty much like me when I was younger. That sense of isolation and catastrophic thinking, easily drowned by any mistake even when it could be only considered a obstacle.

Yes, you sound very hard on yourself. You already got an A in one of the tests and this is something to consider as very positive but I know you can only see now the negative.

bpcyclist · Feb 19, 2020 at 01:33 PM

Have you looked into any of the depression support groups in the LA area? There might be some support available there. This site here is a good place for support who are dealing with similar thing s to what you have going on.

Do you think you might need some kind of med change? Sometimes things need to be tweaked a bit from time to time.

Sending you support. I went through a tough college with a bunch of depression. It is hard. You can do this, but you may need some help. Hang in there!!!!

DarrenPH · Feb 20, 2020 at 07:04 AM

Go find some help, there are plenty of groups out there for you. I know it's hard, I've been where you are now and I know you probably think your case is different, I know I did bit I came out the other side and you can too.

Baby steps, find a way to muster up the courage to ask for help, find someone to speak to, you will get through this if you set your mind to it but you need to take the first step, it won't come to you.

MickeyCheeky · Feb 20, 2020 at 07:37 AM

I am so sorry, @NeedHelp104! I can REALLY relate!

You're not alone. I COMPLETELY agree with ALL the other wise and wonderful posters about you joining some Depression Support Groups. They are pretty much similar to this WONDERFUL Forum, but they are In Real Life of course! This Forums is In Real life as well of course but unfortunately we can't meet each other face to face!

Depression Support Groups' people do, however, so that may help you feel less alone! Of course we are here for you! Keep us updated on how things are going for you of course! Yes, definitely consider seeing a Therapist or a Pdoc as well! Please do always remember that you're NEVER alone!

We are here for you! Please do feel free to PM me or any other people you want to talk to or vent to of course! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @NeedHelp104, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

winter4me · Feb 20, 2020 at 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedHelp104

Hi everyone.

I'm sad, very depressed. I've hit my all-time low. I made it a new years goal to combat my depression. I have not been too successful.

. I did really well on an exam last week (got an A-) and had an exam yesterday...Didn't do too well and it dropped my average. I feel so defeated. I feel so low that I want to give up. I don't feel like I will make it anywhere. I feel like I'm drowning in the ocean, watching everything else around me disappearing. I don't know what to do. I don't feel as though I know who I am anymore. I don't have a good support system...I just feel incredibly alone. Wondering how everyone else does it because I try so hard...It's so hard to have a good day I get so jealous of people outside smiling and laughing, getting married, having kids, etc...While I just watch. I hope some can relate because I feel so alone

You are clearly functioning in school. Would it help to get involved in an extracurricular activity (club/sport/study group...). And do remember, there are times (yes there are) people have seen you laugh and be happy---when we are depressed it is easy to imagine those smiling "doing" people are having it easy but that isn't necessarily so, they may be lonely too.

(It is early to judge yourself on a goal set for a year---and remember it is a goal, not a 'must do' but a work towards...?counselor at school

Thunder Bow · Feb 20, 2020 at 03:14 PM

The worse thing you can do is compare yourself to others. Time to just accept yourself, and be proud that you are educating yourself.

Discombobulated · Feb 21, 2020 at 02:13 PM

Congratulations on your hard work and your exams - you are so much more than your achievements however, celebrate them but please do not measure your worth by them.

I agree with the advice given - please do investigate ways to reach out to others in whatever way feels comfortable to you, student counsellors, extra curricular activities. Does this sound like something you can do?

NeedHelp104 · Feb 23, 2020 at 08:35 PM

Thank you for all the replies guys. It really helped.

Sorry if I'm not as active. Sometimes I'm just too depressed to reply.

TunedOut · Feb 24, 2020 at 04:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedHelp104

Thank you for all the replies guys. It really helped.

Sorry if I'm not as active. Sometimes I'm just too depressed to reply.

Sometimes just taking care of ourselves is all we can manage. No need to apologize. I have learned to recognize when I need to pull back and have quiet time to be by myself. Find things that you enjoy whenever your schedule allows.

I hope you feel better soon.

And congrats on the A-

, decades ago I graduated with a B average yet having that degree still helped me. So long as you keep on trying--you are not a failure!

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Thunder Bow Elder Member Since Sep 2012 Location: Arizona Posts: 5,630 11 3 hugs given	Feb 20, 2020 at 03:14 PM #7 The worse thing you can do is compare yourself to others. Time to just accept yourself, and be proud that you are educating yourself. __________________ www.lightningthunderbow.com
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NeedHelp104 Member Member Since May 2017 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 98 6 11 hugs given	Feb 23, 2020 at 08:35 PM #9 Thank you for all the replies guys. It really helped. Sorry if I'm not as active. Sometimes I'm just too depressed to reply.
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