advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Christmas cookie
Member
 
Christmas cookie's Avatar
Christmas cookie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2019
Location: Mars
Posts: 122
3 yr Member
58 hugs
given
Unhappy Mar 19, 2020 at 08:28 AM
  #1
I grew up in an abusive home. A home I never felt loved and unimportant. The way I was treated was to never talk about my problems because my friends would likely dump me. I grew tough, not mean, as in I have a handle on everything and kept any unhappiness and vulnerability inside.

Fast forward. I'm going through a rough time. I don't expect others to understand especially if they have never endured what I went through.
I have issues reaching out to people. Why? I'm scared of rejection. In the past I've had people say get over it or walk away from me. I felt abandoned. And if you are wondering- no I did not talk at length or all the time about my problems.

I know a guy who lives long distance. We are not best friends. It's hard to describe our relationship. Definitely nothing romantic. We do not communicate every day or every week. Maybe once or twice a month. He said if I ever need a listening ear to contact him. Communication is mainly email although we exchanged phone numbers 4-5 months ago.. Both of us are respectful towards each other, not pushy etc.

Yesterday I was feeling very down. I sent a text saying I'm having a tough time, not doing well. I sent you an email. In the email I described what I was dealing with, how I felt.

I also added my personal issue is nothing compared covid19 affecting people worldwide.

Many hours went by and no response. My automatic thought was great he's avoiding me. The rational side said he's very busy at work (busy career) and he cant respond yet. Eventually he did respond oh sorry, I'm busy at work and will read your email when I get home A few hours later he did respond with the following

Hi, I can't imagine how tough it is. You have been through a lot and you have indeed come through it all. I don't think it's fair to consider your issues any less important than what is occurring in the world. I would say our own issues are very important and surely should not be buried. I hope tomorrow brings you a bit more hopefulness.

I have a habit of putting my own struggles under the rug and focus on others. Yes I believe it's important to help others. But yet somehow I believe my own struggles are not important. Maybe it's because my abusive past and how I was treated. I've had therapy and better compared to years ago. I think this has to do with my past abuse and people telling me to get over whatever is bothering me, walking away etc. Maybe in that email I put my own issues are not as important compared to what the world is dealing with to protect myself from possible hurt?

What is your opinion? What is your opinion of the response from friend?

Last edited by Christmas cookie; Mar 19, 2020 at 09:05 AM..
Christmas cookie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, downandlonely, MickeyCheeky, mote.of.soul, Open Eyes, Sara C, Yzen

advertisement
Yzen
Magnate
 
Yzen's Avatar
Yzen has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: North America
Posts: 2,168
5 yr Member
4,766 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Mar 19, 2020 at 03:05 PM
  #2
My opinion is that your struggles are very important. I agree with your friend. I don't think anyone's issues need to be compared to the covid19. That is a global issue that is collectively on our minds. But, each person's individual struggle means more (in my opinion) than viruses or wars. We relate to each other one-on-one, go through these things with people we know, and need each other for support.

I hope I didn't sound too opinionated.

I hope things get better for you soon.
Yzen is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
mote.of.soul
 
Thanks for this!
Christmas cookie, Discombobulated, Sara C
Sara C
Member
 
Sara C's Avatar
Sara C has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 51
3 yr Member
67 hugs
given
Default Mar 20, 2020 at 07:11 AM
  #3
i had a bad day yesterday too
horrible!!!
i have no friends neither all my life so i can relate much to you Christmas cookie

__________________
Try A Little Kindness.
Sara C is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Christmas cookie, Discombobulated, downandlonely, mote.of.soul, Yzen
mote.of.soul
Mad Walker
 
mote.of.soul's Avatar
mote.of.soul Act not the goat
 
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,034 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
21.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Mar 20, 2020 at 09:45 AM
  #4
Hi @Christmas cookie,

My opinion on your friends response is that it's a caring response; caring, encouraging, thoughtful and shows a certain empathy towards your personal struggles. It's the sort of quality you would want to have in a friend.
mote.of.soul is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Yzen
 
Thanks for this!
Blknblu, Christmas cookie, Discombobulated, Sara C
Sara C
Member
 
Sara C's Avatar
Sara C has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 51
3 yr Member
67 hugs
given
Default Mar 21, 2020 at 07:09 AM
  #5
Hello Christmas cookie, I was touched to really read your post again titled "Feeling unsure and valuable" that you wrote on 3/19/2020. I can see how that would be difficult to be coming from a past of abusive background. My heart hurts for you when you bottled up emotions as if they were unimportant. Thank you for sharing with me about your life's challenges. I want to make sure I understand is that you are terrified/afraid of rejection? Is there anything else you want to share that made you scared of rejection? I wanted to share that I also experienced severe rejections myself from couple family members. I was greatly impressed that you are a "warrior" in your battles. I am here for you. How can I help you? What do you need right now? I'm happy to listen any time. Warmly comforts. ---SaraC

__________________
Try A Little Kindness.
Sara C is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
mote.of.soul, Yzen
 
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated
downandlonely
Legendary
 
downandlonely's Avatar
downandlonely has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
10.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Mar 21, 2020 at 07:12 AM
  #6
I think your friend's response was kind and caring. And your problems are important to you. There is always someone who is suffering worse than you. It does not mean what you're going through is trivial.
downandlonely is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
mote.of.soul, Yzen
 
Thanks for this!
Christmas cookie, Discombobulated
Christmas cookie
Member
 
Christmas cookie's Avatar
Christmas cookie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2019
Location: Mars
Posts: 122
3 yr Member
58 hugs
given
Default Mar 22, 2020 at 09:57 PM
  #7
Thank you everyone who responded to my post Hearing your opinions validates, gives me hope. Sometimes I struggle in my own thoughts. I realize I need to rely on my own intuition and feelings. However validation, opinions (good and kick in the arse kind) from others helps open my train of thoughts.

Sara I'm sorry you had a bad day and rejections in the past. Hugs. I'm scared of rejection. Why? People I thought would have my back, didn't. Get over it, quit crying, at least your not crying about it, walking out of the room. Hurtful.

I wrote my friend a few days after I contacted him and mentioned I was feeling a bit better. Thanks for listening. He responded Happy to hear your feeling better.

Last edited by Christmas cookie; Mar 22, 2020 at 11:05 PM..
Christmas cookie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
mote.of.soul
 
Thanks for this!
mote.of.soul
Sara C
Member
 
Sara C's Avatar
Sara C has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 51
3 yr Member
67 hugs
given
Default Mar 22, 2020 at 11:17 PM
  #8
Hello christmas cookie, I am happy to read your reply which brings me to a glad hearts connecting! I am sorry you are going through this when someone experiences a real encounter like as if a hoped comfort from a person turned out to be "sour/fake" at the end leaving the person feeling very shocked to realize that the hoped reassurance from another person would not come true at all. It has happened to me personally and I have had cried about it. My heart hurts for you very much because I have been through similar situation like this before myself just because the another person/family member assumed or judged me and my mental illnesses and my "unaware" behaviors that were done by me (without my true awareness which came later) and they did not forgive me. It really hurts to be "unforgiven" (from certain family members of mine) which causes my heart to grieve forever to my own death. Thank you for trusting me with this. That really means a lot. I am very glad you were able to put some of closure answer for yourself after reading your thread here and decide to rely on your own intuitions/feelings/guidance from loved ones who truly care about you and know you . Same for me, I personally rely on respected persons (who watch me upon my request) on a higher ground to provide some comfort and guidance for my own spiritual journey. How are you feeling about everything now? Reassurance? I believe that you are brave, strong and smart person. I’m in your corner. I'm here for you. Respectfully, SaraC

__________________
Try A Little Kindness.
Sara C is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Christmas cookie
Christmas cookie
Member
 
Christmas cookie's Avatar
Christmas cookie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2019
Location: Mars
Posts: 122
3 yr Member
58 hugs
given
Default Mar 23, 2020 at 08:32 AM
  #9
Sara C sorry you endured others treating you poorly.

The people who told me don't cry, stop crying, it's not that bad, get over it, walking out of the room were friends and family. I supported these friends many times- never turned my back. Yet when I needed support I was told all the above- don't cry etc. Even family was the same too. I sort of knew family wouldn't be supportive but I decided to try and reach out. The comments made me feel abandoned. So I started relying on myself, tough front etc.
Christmas cookie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Sara C
Member
 
Sara C's Avatar
Sara C has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 51
3 yr Member
67 hugs
given
Default Mar 25, 2020 at 12:14 PM
  #10
Hello christmas cookie, I was very happy to read your response. Family and friends are often the ones who let us down. It seems that when a life crisis comes to our lives, then comes the real test if they are truly kind or not. It's real and it's scary because I believe that neither of us likes to be abandoned. I had to turn to self-help books to seek answers for my issues, eventually time passes and the level of acceptance on how life truly is, alone and self reliance. I am riding in the same life-saving boat as you are in the biggest ocean full of people like our families and friends who really don't care but themselves too much. I have decided to take a new hobby like nature photography to keep myself busy. Warm wishes, SaraC

__________________
Try A Little Kindness.
Sara C is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Christmas cookie
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:42 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.