I'm ready to give up

I've never been happy.
I have no talents or skills to be proud of it. Always been a very slow leaner.
Not very kind, ruined friendships by being overly critical. I hurt people.

I just want to go and be at peace.

how long have you felt like this?

and what support do you have

(((hugs)))

What you are tired of most is how you feel, reaching out for help can provide you with support so you can work on finding a more positive direction for yourself. Everyone has some kind of talent, you just have not discovered yours yet.

Thank you for your kindness, guys. I appreciate it.

I've been feeling like this for a while, that's nothing really to look forward to. Never has been.

I blocked my online "friend" today. I suspect her of having traits of narcissism, the kind that makes her want to be praised as a hero, but is willing to use people to get to that place.
Our friendship brought out the worse in me. We met and communicated on a fanfiction site. I enjoyed her stories at first and chatting to her in PMs, but it became apparent that our friendship was based on me reading every single chapter of every story and give it a positive review, also she used me to do pretty basic research for her about life in the UK, where I live.
If I didn't review in a while she would message and send strong hints that I should have been reading and giving her good reviews. She'd tell she wanted to be inspirational and insist her work was unique.
It wasn't just this, it's her lack of empathy and understanding of other people. I became increasingly frustrated and angry with her. She's always been kind to me so I felt compelled to support her on her journey to being a published author. I kept reviewing, but my reviews became shorter and more critical and judgemental. I couldn't bear to keep sending her the same bland positive reviews. I wanted to be honest.
I knew she didn't like this, but I became even more passive aggressive.
I was becoming a bully, which I do not like.

Today she told me that I was too critical and she would not send me any more of her work. I felt very guilty, so apologised and praised her.

However, today she also published a fic about the pandemic, referencing REAL people who have REALLY died, only a few days ago. They were mentioned in the news. Her characters discussed them.
But she paid no tribute to them in her author's note, didn't even bother to say that they were real people, who are still being mourned.
Those people deserve better than to be included in one of her fics.

I left a polite review as a guest critising her for this heartlessness and blocked her. Unsurprisingly, my guest review hasn't appeared under her story as she is able to delete guest reviews. Wouldn't do to have someone criticising her work, even when done polietly.

It's not the first time I've walked away from her. Her lack of empathy for others makes me so cross, but because she's sort-of nice to me I keep going back. I feel increasingly angry with her, then I feel guilty and like a bully. Now that I've blocked her hopefully I won't go back. I could've acted better. I feel dirty.

Thank you for reading and listening. Now that I've confessed I was a bully I feel a bit better.

You were not a bully to her, you were a bully to yourself. You let her drain your kindness and your energy. She only cared enough to not let your passive aggressiveness ruin her reputation, but your passive aggression was to give her a hint of, "Hey, beyotch, you're using me and hurting me and I don't like it. STOP." You can't control her actions, you can only control your own. Passive aggressiveness isn't nice, but it was YOUR ONLY WAY to end this abuse. And I think it was the best way, because politely explaining your feelings were hurt would mean nothing to her, honestly. But criticize her work? Oh no, that's a red flag to her and your door to freedom.

That's the problem with fanfiction sites, you truly have to be careful.

But now focus on taking care of yourself and putting yourself first. You deserve it.