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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
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#1
I am really not well. I cannot leave him for a long time due to finances and other complications. But my marriage is SO toxic for me, and I don't know how to cope. I am trying to protect myself, and I am trying to just cope with him being a toxic SOB, but it's really hard, and it's impacting me very negatively.
How do I cope while I have to stay with him? An in-house separation would be impossible to accomplish for the next year. I have no way out. I am totally stuck. Help. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 5,630
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#2
Staying with him may be more dangerous and risky then leaving him.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
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#3
I can’t unless somehow things blow up and he leaves. But then I’m screwed financially.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,367
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#4
Why can’t you separate within the same apartment? Get yourself a bed for second bedroom get yourself tablet to stream movies and shows on. And other than that go out and about when you can. You are not big on cooking so there will be no fights whose turn is too cook meals. It’s not ideal but people can be roommates in the same apartment. So it could be done.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
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6 3,626 hugs
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#5
Quote:
I am talking to the lease company Monday to look into my options. I will see if I can come up with a different/new plan other than what I've got. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,367
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#6
Good idea. Be proactive
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
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6 3,626 hugs
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#7
Thank you.
Friends are encouraging me to find other ways so that I can get out of this sooner. My therapist told me last week that maybe other solutions will present themselves. The thought of kicking him out and making him move to Florida is daunting. I need to continue to talk it through, especially with my therapist. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 153
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#8
If the time came that your husband moved out, could you move (transfer your lease) into a one bedroom or studio/bachelor suite within the same complex?
Could be far cheaper to move, and possible to recruit a bunch of friends to help with the move and you provide refreshments/pizza/beer etc. No expensive moving company required. Your up front fees (first, last, security or whatever) from your two bedroom unit could possibly be transferred over to your new smaller unit. As no truck would be required, you could even hire a couple of men on an hourly basis to move you, along with any friends who chose to show up. It would be far cheaper than paying a moving company. Even paying for utility connection fees, the move could be done for under $1000 if the above scenario were possible. You can rent dollys for the day to easily move big stuff. Your hired men may even have their own dollys. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
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6 3,626 hugs
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#9
Quote:
However, there wouldn’t be a spot available in the building and I wouldn’t want to stay in the same spot. I’d like a completely fresh start, somewhere new and untainted. I can definitely save the money needed to move, including movers, but it’s going to take months to save what I need unfortunately. IF I can get a higher paying job, I can move more quickly...I am applying at least once a week for a new job. So there’s that. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,367
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9 1,277 hugs
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#10
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,514
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#11
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
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6 3,626 hugs
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#12
There's no one I can stay with, and it will take months to save the money to move. It may be feasible to get my husband to leave though and to move to Florida. That may be my only option of getting out of this situation sooner than later. And that's IF he agrees to move out.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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