Rumination about negative experience

There is something that I think about, like everyday. Its negative. Its about a person who was hurtful to me. It was a person in a "helping" position. But not a therapist or pdoc. That is as far a definition I'm going to give in regards to my situation. I'm very private. It may be confusing to read, since you don't have background and specifics, but going any further is out of my comfort and safety level here.

It happened a few months ago, before covid. This person said some truths, but in a mean way. And because they were mean, it was a lesson I took personally and internalized, so to speak.

The fact that this person did this, makes me realize how unprofessional they were (and also just where they were in their own personal development), and I could have made a scarf from previous red flags I got about his unprofessionalism. He used to make fun of his coworkers and tell me private info about them I should not need to know.

Anyway, the thing he said to me is "quite frankly, everyone has stuff going on. You're not the only one. You're supposed to be working on yourself and moving forward." He said this in response to me telling him that something he said bothered me: He was pressuring me to move forward, and my response was that I am overwhelmed by a lot right now.

I'd never seen that side of him before. He was nasty. I got nasty back: I told him I thought he had issues and that he was unprofessional). Honestly, I'm glad I did. Because I ended up apologizing in the end, in particularly, for contacting him on his day off. But he didn't acknowledge it. He stopped working with me after that. At one point after that...I cried bc I thought he hated me. Someone said "no we just had to separate you guys because you guys got too comfortable w each other. " But to this day I don't see him and maybe it rattled him that he ****ed up. Maybe he's ashamed. Maybe it bit him in the ***. I don't know. It was all through text, and he showed it to his supervisors, and so did I. No one got in trouble and it was chalked up to a misunderstanding.

It just bothers me that I think about it everyday. When talking about my problems, I try to make it clear that I know other ppl have issues too. And that I don't want to be selfish. He made me feel selfish for feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, and not realizing that other ppl are in this together with me. Like it was a crime that I didn't know / wasn't in that headspace. I felt so guilty that I didn't think of the other ppl who were struggling.

I talked to my therapist about it a while ago and she did not help. I felt worse bc I was worried that because I didn't think about other ppl in that instance, and had a grievance w this person, I was worried maybe something was wrong with me. She didn't say anything to reassure me that there wasn't.

I do also wonder if he felt ok being such an a-hole because maybe his work environment (the other "helpers") may also be like that too. Some of them. i see one of them now, she is his manager and my gut tells me not to trust her.

I want to stop (thinking about it daily). But I may need to accept that its something that really affected me. And the isolation of covid, exacerbates my rumination. I thought about it while knitting today, which was a bummer bc I usually enjoy knitting.

Maybe I am also looking for validation that this guy had issues. That I'm not a bad or selfish person. Though I can be self focused I think that's different maybe.

There are good helpers in my life too. And I am a helper. And maybe I need to do more things that make me ruminate less.

I know I made a mistake too in my communication w this individual in the first place. I should not text ppl when I am stressed. Thats something I learned. Also maybe there is a lesson in here to trust my gut about people, and notice unprofessional behavior (which I do) and behavior that makes me uncomfortable, and then set boundaries.

I do not need help on this issue anymore.

Hi Woven. I am sorry you have an experience that was negative like that and you have a continuing stress about it. It’s human to get wrapped up in ones self and say things you later regret in some way.

Usually if the other person is healthy they are willing to allow you to restore your sense of personal power back. It’s when a person is capable of caring enough to forgive that you are just human and have enough worth that it’s ok. Not everyone can do that, it may not be in their character

People can disappoint us and leave us struggling like you describe.

I didn't do anything wrong. It was the other person. And I got support today. I don't need help with this anymore, like I said.

Posting this (OP) and no one responding, catalyzed a lot for me today, in a positive way. Its resolved. I'll have this thread closed.