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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,854
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Jul 09, 2020 at 03:14 PM
#1
Any time I am anything other than nice. Even just like, neutral. Or short in an email.....I feel I have done something wrong. I over apologize. I try too hard with people who don't appear to care as much about communicating with Me. People who don't care as much about My feelings, I care about theirs and how they see me and how I come across. It makes me sick.
**** everyone. I as a woman was socialized that way and I'm so sick of it. **** YOU MEN. **** YOU to anyone who preys on niceness. I'm done with all this ****. Excuse me while I go vomit for the rest of my life. I'm reading a book called the nice girl syndrome. I never knew how much I needed it. |
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 Discombobulated, mote.of.soul, seesaw
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 seesaw
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,854
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Jul 09, 2020 at 03:22 PM
#2
It is so ingrained, but I have so much to unlearn.
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,854
4 4,842 hugs
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Jul 09, 2020 at 03:53 PM
#3
And sometimes I DO get angry. And I apologize for that too. I shouldn't have to. I'm not a mean cruel person.
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,345
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Jul 09, 2020 at 11:30 PM
#4
It's okay to feel angry. And it's okay to feel yucky when you feel angry. I had some anger earlier this week and the worst part wasn't the anger but feeling yucky about having anger.
You're right, feeling like you have to be nice, and then feeling ashamed of not being nice sucks. It's okay to be things other than nice. Nice isn't always what's called for. Nice is just one quality you can access. Who do you need to be to be angry and be okay with expressing that? __________________  What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Discombobulated, WovenGalaxy
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,369
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Jul 10, 2020 at 08:28 AM
#5
I hear you. I’d replace word nice with good.
I think it’s important to be a good and kind person by helping others and not cheating or stealing or taking advantage of others and not treating people poorly etc That I see as being a a good kind person. Being nice isn’t a requirement. Of course we have to be reasonably polite and well behaved in order to keep a job and not getting arrested for ranting on the streets lol but generally being nice isn’t something you must be at all times. Give yourself permission to not be nice while remaining a good person. |
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WovenGalaxy
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,854
4 4,842 hugs
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Jul 10, 2020 at 12:54 PM
#6
Yesterday was really stressful and some of the stress came from emailing with someone and some of it came from moving, I'm sure. I asked the person I was emailing with to call me, bc the email part was stressful, and they did, and it was very helpful.
Thanks for the replies seesaw and divine. and thanks for the hugs, mote. Thanks for hearing me vent. |
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