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Default Jul 24, 2020 at 08:08 PM
  #1
In normal times, I struggle with loneliness because I'm not social. For some reason I cannot connect with people, and people cannot connect with me.

It's become really bad 5 years ago when I lost my self-esteem during my studies because I struggled to finish. My positive self-image has been shattered. After that nothing has worked for me because of the lost self-esteem. I have been seeing failure in everything I am thinking to do and before I do it. And this applies to social interactions. I assume others would reject me, and just walk away, which is what was happening with me before, so I avoid the interactions in the first place. I am afraid they would know I am a failure in life with no friends, no decent job, ... no nothing, and I am not not pleasant person to be around.

Now with this pandemic, I just stay home (I live alone) and I go out once a week to buy groceries, but I don't think I will be able to bear this much longer. I am losing my mind, and feel I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Above all of that, my neighbor who lives above my apartment is so noisy (plays loud music, steps hard on the floor, and I swear he even lifts weights and exercises in his apartment, and I can hear him when he walks barefoot from my apartment )

I know some people like working from home, but I really don't. I miss the commute. I miss crowding people in the subway. I miss waking up early and taking a shower and put some clean clothes and head to work. I miss talking to people at work, although it was about work. I felt like a human being. Now I am depressed, and have no motivation to do the simplest of things, like washing the dishes.

I am fully aware this post is full of self-pity and negative talk but I don't know what else to do. At least I need to get this out. I don't have a mental strength to walk through these times. Not alone anyway.

Thanks for reading!
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Default Jul 24, 2020 at 09:39 PM
  #2
Its OK to feel the way you're feeling, though I'm sorry that you're feeling this way too. Its understandable. There's something about work, schedule, routine, and socialization that grounds us. Engaging in the world, even just about work stuff, it sounds like it held you together. I don't know if you've seen this article that went around the internet early into the pandemic, but if not: That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief

So are you working from home? Would there be a way to get out of your house to be around people, even just to take a walk or get coffee?

Welcome to Psych Central.
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Default Jul 24, 2020 at 10:11 PM
  #3
I have gone through times where I'm not social either. When we forecast that people will reject us before we even try, it's because we've been rejected and feel we deserve it, and we rationalize why we deserve it.

Rationalizations seem so true in the moment. Some I've used on myself are, "I don't want to go to the store, everyone will see the pimple on my chin". Now, my pimple was not that bad, I had taken care of it, but of course it was still there, but in my mind, it was the size of a hot air balloon.

Maxwell Maltz wrote a fantastic book called, "Psycho-Cybernetics". I would really suggest you get a copy. He found that negative imagination is responsible for us making our own self-images shrink to the size of a pea....but, he also found that our own ability to use our imagination creatively and positively, has the opposite effect, transforming our own self-images into something strong and powerful.

The next time you want to go and do something, but start seeing things going badly in your imagination, just notice you're using your imagination in a negative way, and just ask yourself a simple question, "what if I could go out and do ______ successfully? What would that look like if I could?" You'll notice that questions are the way that we change the direction of our minds. If you're going in a negative direction, ask a positive question to get yourself going in a positive direction.

Then, begin to use your imagination to think of all the ways you can do things well. Begin to see yourself as being the person you really want to be; doing the things you really want to do. As you see it in your mind, you will begin to see it in your life, because perception is projection - whatever you perceive the world to be like, you project onto your external experiences. If you change your internal world, the exterior world begins to change magically.

With compassion,

aklimatize

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Default Jul 25, 2020 at 03:47 PM
  #4
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Its okay and understandable. The pandemic has added extra stress on our lives. I'm not a sociable person and tend to fear rejection. I'm slowly improving. How? I look back at activities that brought me joy. Writing and art. Helping someone in need-Donating food or clothes. I would love to have a pet but unfortunately my current situation doesn't allow it. Playing with or petting an animal helps reduce stress. I realize when feeling down motivation is difficult. One small step can lead to better things. I hope this helped
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Default Jul 26, 2020 at 10:20 AM
  #5
This is almost exactly the way I feel. I only connect with people in the context of my work, and that interaction with people in person has been taken away from me. I still have a job and work from home. So I am one of the lucky ones and I know it.

However, I hate working from home. My energy has always depended on interacting with people at work, and I've always had a real high wall between work and home.

I know I'm lucky. It doesn't help.

I'm so sorry for your issues with your neighbors. At least I don't have that, at least at the moment.
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Default Jul 26, 2020 at 12:54 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diurnal View Post
In normal times, I struggle with loneliness because I'm not social. For some reason I cannot connect with people, and people cannot connect with me.

It's become really bad 5 years ago when I lost my self-esteem during my studies because I struggled to finish. My positive self-image has been shattered. After that nothing has worked for me because of the lost self-esteem. I have been seeing failure in everything I am thinking to do and before I do it. And this applies to social interactions. I assume others would reject me, and just walk away, which is what was happening with me before, so I avoid the interactions in the first place. I am afraid they would know I am a failure in life with no friends, no decent job, ... no nothing, and I am not not pleasant person to be around.

Now with this pandemic, I just stay home (I live alone) and I go out once a week to buy groceries, but I don't think I will be able to bear this much longer. I am losing my mind, and feel I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Above all of that, my neighbor who lives above my apartment is so noisy (plays loud music, steps hard on the floor, and I swear he even lifts weights and exercises in his apartment, and I can hear him when he walks barefoot from my apartment )

I know some people like working from home, but I really don't. I miss the commute. I miss crowding people in the subway. I miss waking up early and taking a shower and put some clean clothes and head to work. I miss talking to people at work, although it was about work. I felt like a human being. Now I am depressed, and have no motivation to do the simplest of things, like washing the dishes.

I am fully aware this post is full of self-pity and negative talk but I don't know what else to do. At least I need to get this out. I don't have a mental strength to walk through these times. Not alone anyway.

Thanks for reading!

First of all I struggle myself. I don't have much going for me socially. I just talk to a friend by phone only and to my sister. That's all I have. I feel like I'm clueless as to how I can connect with others. I get the feeling that, at best, people like me but not crazy about me enough that they would want to do things with me. And then there are those that just don't like me and hardly know me.

About your upstairs neighbor, he sounds like me. I exercise (I had lifted weights but switched to band resistance because my downstairs neighbor complained to the apartment manager) and listen to music. But I don't listen to music a whole lot. Do you know him? Have you ever interacted with him? I think it's scary for a woman to approach a man about this issue. But if you can, it would be a good idea to have a little talk with him about it. But just be careful. If he's a nice guy it won't be much of a problem. You can go to your apartment manager and say something, and then the manager can tell him. It would be safer for you that way, but you risk having him give you an "evil eye" when you pass by him. That has happened to me. Also he may tag you if you do something wrong (called tit for tat). I posted about this on the Anxiety Forum - titled Now Having Anxiety About My Apartment.

It's funny how living in an apartment and living so close to others can be lonely, and yet, putting up with other people seems more common than making connections.
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Default Jul 28, 2020 at 06:40 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy View Post
Its OK to feel the way you're feeling, though I'm sorry that you're feeling this way too. Its understandable. There's something about work, schedule, routine, and socialization that grounds us. Engaging in the world, even just about work stuff, it sounds like it held you together. ...[/url]

So are you working from home? Would there be a way to get out of your house to be around people, even just to take a walk or get coffee?

Welcome to Psych Central.
Thanks for the post. Yes actually, going to the workplace held me together. I was getting my daily doses of social interactions there. Now I feel like a robot, not a human being.

I haven't gone out that much in the last 4 months. As I mentioned, just once a week to buy groceries. That's all. But I need to start going out more. Maybe taking my bike while staying away from others .
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Default Jul 28, 2020 at 07:00 PM
  #8
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Originally Posted by will19 View Post
First of all I struggle myself. I don't have much going for me socially. I just talk to a friend by phone only and to my sister. That's all I have. I feel like I'm clueless as to how I can connect with others. I get the feeling that, at best, people like me but not crazy about me enough that they would want to do things with me. And then there are those that just don't like me and hardly know me.

About your upstairs neighbor, he sounds like me. I exercise (I had lifted weights but switched to band resistance because my downstairs neighbor complained to the apartment manager) and listen to music. But I don't listen to music a whole lot. Do you know him? Have you ever interacted with him? I think it's scary for a woman to approach a man about this issue. But if you can, it would be a good idea to have a little talk with him about it. But just be careful. If he's a nice guy it won't be much of a problem. You can go to your apartment manager and say something, and then the manager can tell him. It would be safer for you that way, but you risk having him give you an "evil eye" when you pass by him. That has happened to me. Also he may tag you if you do something wrong (called tit for tat). I posted about this on the Anxiety Forum - titled Now Having Anxiety About My Apartment.

It's funny how living in an apartment and living so close to others can be lonely, and yet, putting up with other people seems more common than making connections.
I talk to my parents over the phone who live overseas once a week. That's about how much I talk in a week. Almost no personal interactions, except at the supermarket when I need to ask about things.

About my neighbour, he is really rude and not that nice. At first I complained to my landlord, and at the moment he would lower the music, but soon after he would increase the volume and the intensity of the bass. I went once to him close to midnight after playing music for 4 straight hours and excercisng and dropping weights on the floor hard, and explained to him that I can hear everything he does (even when he walks normally with his shoes off), and asked him nicely to lower things down (not to stop), but he slammed the door in my face saying he has a life and I need to adapt to his way of life!!

I don't understand this to be honest, when I wash the dishes I like to listen to music, but I put on my head my wireless headsets and listen to it alone, without disturbing anyone else. And for the exercising, he can go out and exercise if he is running or jumping, which I suspect he does. For the weight lifting he can go to the gym (he was doing this even before the lock-down, so the lock-down is not the reason he is doing it at his apartment). Residential buildings are not for these things. I am thinking to start calling the police as my landlord is not willing to do anything about it, and the situation doesn't allow me to move out. It's becoming very annoying all day long with this work from home reality .
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Default Jul 30, 2020 at 11:36 PM
  #9
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Originally Posted by Diurnal View Post
In normal times, I struggle with loneliness because I'm not social. For some reason I cannot connect with people, and people cannot connect with me.

It's become really bad 5 years ago when I lost my self-esteem during my studies because I struggled to finish. My positive self-image has been shattered. After that nothing has worked for me because of the lost self-esteem. I have been seeing failure in everything I am thinking to do and before I do it. And this applies to social interactions. I assume others would reject me, and just walk away, which is what was happening with me before, so I avoid the interactions in the first place. I am afraid they would know I am a failure in life with no friends, no decent job, ... no nothing, and I am not not pleasant person to be around.

Now with this pandemic, I just stay home (I live alone) and I go out once a week to buy groceries, but I don't think I will be able to bear this much longer. I am losing my mind, and feel I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Above all of that, my neighbor who lives above my apartment is so noisy (plays loud music, steps hard on the floor, and I swear he even lifts weights and exercises in his apartment, and I can hear him when he walks barefoot from my apartment )

I know some people like working from home, but I really don't. I miss the commute. I miss crowding people in the subway. I miss waking up early and taking a shower and put some clean clothes and head to work. I miss talking to people at work, although it was about work. I felt like a human being. Now I am depressed, and have no motivation to do the simplest of things, like washing the dishes.

I am fully aware this post is full of self-pity and negative talk but I don't know what else to do. At least I need to get this out. I don't have a mental strength to walk through these times. Not alone anyway.

Thanks for reading!
Hi You're not alone. I just Your post ....I too love alone ...since pandemic I've been home by myself all the time ....my emotions are constantly going up and down ...I have been on PC more and I know for me it's a huge support
Also it's good to get things out instead of keeping in ....I don't like thinking people with mental illness or going through a severe depressive state "feel sorry for themselves "
Our feelings and emotions are real and reaching out to others like here on PC about how we feel can be helpful especially knowing You're not alone
I know this is a difficult time for everyone ...please hang in and Stay Safe ...You're not alone ok ....
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Default Jul 31, 2020 at 07:00 AM
  #10
Self esteem is just a part of your mind that can be exercised and improved like your memory or reflexes. Self esteem is sort of like the immune system of the mind. It helps you fight off bad thoughts and blocks input from bad people like your nieghbor.

You can read "The Six Pillars of Self Esteem" and begin to feel better about yourself. You can choose friends that meet your needs. You can avoid people like your neighbor that give you grief.

You are a good person who deserves to feel special around other people!

Good luck!
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Default Aug 02, 2020 at 09:36 PM
  #11
First step, you need to love yourself.
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