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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,456
11 86 hugs
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#1
He doesn't believe or respect my job. He doesn't believe in Chiropractic care and I'm an assistant to a chiropractor. He of course disagrees with my numerous divorces. Frankly I'm surprised he even talks to me and I said that.
I talked about seeing a psychic he really doesn't agree with that thinks they're all frauds who take your money. Just anything I talk about he dismisses or disagrees with. He has said he doesn't like anybody and just pretends. I know its true now. He really doesn't like me. But I'm family. He even helps me. But I'm taken back a bit. Not sure what to do now that i know the truth. __________________ Son: 14, 12/15/2009 R.I.P. Daughter: 20 Diagnosis: Bipolar with Psychosis. Latuda 100 mgs. |
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Anonymous45521, Christmas cookie, mote.of.soul, stahrgeyzer, unaluna
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LilyMop
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Member
Member Since Nov 2019
Location: Mars
Posts: 122
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#2
I'm sorry this happened . You mentioned your brother doesn't like anyone and dismissed, disagrees with everything you say. Is it possible he is depressed or unhappy with his Life?ts not an excuse to treat you badly. . Do you think speaking to him and telllng him how you feel would help?
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mote.of.soul
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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,456
11 86 hugs
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#3
Well I talked about how I'm in therapy and he said he needed it.
__________________ Son: 14, 12/15/2009 R.I.P. Daughter: 20 Diagnosis: Bipolar with Psychosis. Latuda 100 mgs. |
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Guest
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#4
My brother is the same. The thing is objectively I have succeeded far more than him. I think honestly he is like this because he knows everything he says is true and he has to do it to make himself feel better.
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Veteran Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 709
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#5
When I learn that someone is judging all my opinions or choices then I don’t tell them anything anymore. I’ve experienced this quite a bit and I generally don’t share much at all with most people anymore. My husband and my therapist get bombarded with my thoughts and opinions because I’m not comfortable sharing with other people. Maybe there’s a balance but I haven’t found it yet.
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,866
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#6
So how does it go, exactly? All these perfectly wonderful brothers all have crap for sisters? My brother belongs to this club too. These boys all have very short mem- ories, if you ask me! And they are not gentlemen.
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WovenGalaxy
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#7
Quote:
There was a time recently I thought he had changed but... I think he though I was going to get married and have kids for his kid to play with ... and I didn't so now he has no use for me. I feel like I was willing to put up with it until this year... but I don't know why I am not putting up with it. I think it is because my brother was hinting he was going to come live with me and divorce his wife and I made it clear that he wasn't coming to live with me and I haven't heard from him since. Fine, either I have a brother or I don't but I am done being jerked around. |
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unaluna, WovenGalaxy
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WovenGalaxy
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
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#8
I don’t think it’s always the case with brothers being this way with sisters. Maybe as kids and teenagers brothers could be tough, not as adults. My brother is nice to me and I am to him BUT my husband’s sister is either openly hostile or dismissive towards my husband. So sisters could be nasty to their brothers too. I see a lot of families where siblings are either not close or hostile towards each other in adulthood. It saddens me
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unaluna
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#9
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,866
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#10
Emily, about the same situation with me. My brother has actively been a negative influence on my life since i was born, not kidding. My SIL passed - six months ago. I only found out because i called him to tell him about a cousin's passing, against my better judgment, because i felt badly for that cousin's family. I felt like a fool. But better to know the truth.
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Anonymous45521
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
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#11
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I am sorry your brother is a liar and a jerk. My husband isn’t. I’d not be married to a liar and a jerk |
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unaluna
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#12
Here is something else I was thinking about.. it seems like my brother really wants to have to come "save me" and I have never given him that opportunity. I am definitely independent and if my arm was sticking sideways out of my body i wouldn't give him that opportunity. He doesn't like that. He wants to be my "savior" and because I won't give him that, he dislikes me. My cousins are really messed up people but because they always say how great he is he would prefer to spend time with them because they stroke his ego.
I often look at the boards and think maybe people who are mentally ill are that way because of a dysfunctional family. I know a lot of people who have families that are proud to say -- out loud - they love their family and want to do everything with them. But mine is not like that and really messed up. |
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unaluna
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,866
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#13
Yeah my brother once said something was wrong with me because i didnt want a man to be the boss of me. Re emilys brother wanting to save her. My brother wants me to bow to him too. Not gonna happen.
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Member
Member Since May 2020
Location: East Coast
Posts: 55
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#14
Honestly, I just would avoid conversations about...all of those things with him. There's nothing wrong with your career, what you believe in or what you choose. And if someone is going to be constantly negative to you about who you are, then, maybe it's time to set a boundary and let him know he can have a different opinion but he doesn't need to put you down or be negative toward you for those things.
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unaluna
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#15
Quote:
Both of my siblings do this. My sister won't even let me walk her dog anymore. When she found out that my nephew let me walk their dog she went ballistic. This dog and I are very close and for 9 years of that dog's life, I always took the do g to the dog park, or in my car and never had any problems with controlling the dog in public. So, my sister is using her dog as a way to control me. She is projecting her disdain for me on to her poor dog as a way to justify to her children that their aunt is unreliable and a total loser. What you have to learn to do -- which doesn't happen overnight but YOU have to be the one to do it -- is STOP TRYING TO EMOTIONALLY CONNECT with your brother. He doesn't like you. There is nothing you can do to change that. So, just stop. I know that's probably not what you want to hear. At some point, you need to have some dignity and draw the line and stop being vulnerable around your brother because you know he'll just put you down for it. We cannot control the way others treat us. That's statistically impossible to do. The only person you have control over, is yourself. So, only you can decide, when enough is enough, with how your brother poorly treats you. You can't force him to be nice to you. But you can ignore him. You can stop visiting with him. You can cease contact with him. To protect yourself emotionally. |
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unaluna
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unaluna
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Magnate
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: earth
Posts: 2,063
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#16
My brother does not like me either. He has always tried to hurt me in some way. Now, he won't talk to me because I am free and independent. He used to grind an ax into my side by putting me down and making fun of my illness. He is not doing well himself. He is a loser in my book. He mooches off my family and has no real job. He was a professional student but used none of his degrees to get a job. He is a jerk on top of this to everybody. I think he is a sociopath. It is sad but he is my brother. But, someone told me to forget about him and live my life. So, I am. You can't choose your family members, but you can choose your friends.
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unaluna
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unaluna
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#17
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I am happy to never see him again the problem is that he is the type that will just show up one day at my front door and gossip to the family about anything I do. I plan on retiring when I am 60 and moving elsewhere, in part, to avoid him just doing a drop by. |
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unaluna
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unaluna
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
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#18
If someone's sibling is nasty to them or openly hostile with terrible treatment of them, cut them off. We do not have to take that from anyone-ANYONE. It doesnt matter if they are family or not. Only you can take care of you. If your brother or sister has failed you over and over again you do not have to take it and you can let them go. Once we see that our expectations are not met we have to change the expectations.
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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unaluna
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Veteran Member
Member Since Sep 2018
Location: Birmingham UK
Posts: 603
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#19
In response to your thread title, me too!
Just come back from family meeting at mother's house. It resolved nothing because of my brother's arrogant attitude towards me. Interspersed with raising his voice, talking over me then he smirking most of the time and telling me to get my head from up my backside. The cause of the rift is well documented under "my sister-in-law lashed out at me" in the Relationships & Communication section, including the latest lengthy update. Over the past few weeks, have felt closer to my mother but sadly we're back to square one. Pretty obvious from her attitude that he's her favourite and he knows it too. Everything I said this morning was true, yet his belittling attitude was a sorry thing to experience. He was speechless when I told him a few home truths . What shocked me was his failure to see that his wife lashing out at me was domestic abuse. As a result, we're in exactly the same position a year on from the incident. Realise there's absolutely no hope now of ever solving this problem. He's always wanted to be in charge from when he was younger. Now he can no longer behave that way in his own home, then that could be the reason for this latest problem. Know it's cruel to say this but don't want anything to do with them ever again. Why do we keep coming back for more, instead of distancing ourselves.... |
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