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Grand Magnate
Discombobulated
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Location: UK
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#21
Quote:
I dislike Zoom calls too, and they actually made me feel more disconnected somehow. I am not sure why. Since I last posted our locality is under enhanced restrictions so now we are back to no meeting with anyone outside of household. I think this is going to be really challenging. |
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Bill3, Deilla, TunedOut, WovenGalaxy
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Grand Magnate
Discombobulated
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Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,638
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#22
Okay so several things have happened since I last posted with restrictions and we are still under enhanced restrictions. We can meet outdoors but in practice I haven't done much of that and feel quite isolated.
Christmas feels triggering too. I wanted to see some friends outdoors (it is allowed) but they don't seem keen. I know I need to get things into perspective but I am not finding it easy. I miss my old life so much. |
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Deilla, KBMK, RoxanneToto, TunedOut, WovenGalaxy
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KBMK
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Grand Magnate
zapatoes
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Location: Islandia
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#23
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Deilla, Discombobulated, KBMK
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KBMK
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KBMK
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Location: Cumbria
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#24
I'm also feeling more disconnected from friends @Discombobulated . I think we are all processing this differently. I was seeing a lot of one friend. She is living with a boyfriend and her flatmate has moved out recently. We would normally hug hello/goodbye, but have kept some physical distance since March. She got a little upset saying bye last time we caught up, we just talked about what we would do soon and that cheered things up, but I guess she is really missing hugs from friends since her flatmate moved out. I probably would have hugged her if I had realised at the time (neither of us are high risk, in contact with anyone high risk, or in close contact jobs).
Getting outside is important for me also, and it feels more normal since restrictions were loosened last week...I don't want to get used to keeping so much distance with friends...it's very hard to negotiate and to accept all these changes! It's really hard to believe how much has changed since last Christmas...I'm hoping next Christmas is merrier and a bit more relaxed and carefree. |
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Discombobulated, RoxanneToto, TunedOut
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Discombobulated
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Prycejosh1987
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Member Since: Jul 2020
Location: UK
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#25
I guess you could find other ways to communication with your folks and friends. I text my brothers and sister and email them. My sister calls me from time to time. This season will pass, as all things do. Remain strong and create a good rapor with that vulnerable person, you live with.
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Discombobulated
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Grand Magnate
Discombobulated
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Location: UK
Posts: 4,638
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#26
Quote:
I love my (technically vulnerable) husband very much too, and we support each other it's just we both miss other friends. |
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Grand Magnate
Discombobulated
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#27
Quote:
Can your friend not form a bubble with you or someone? Hugs are allowed in bubbles. |
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Grand Magnate
Discombobulated
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Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,638
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#28
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zapatoes
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Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear
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#29
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I'm going to try the above journalling idea, tomorrow hopefully Hugs to all who accept online hugs from a bear __________________ |
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Bill3, Discombobulated, TunedOut
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Bill3, Discombobulated, TunedOut, zapatoes
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Veteran Member
Alive99
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Member Since: Dec 2020
Location: Hungary
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#30
Quote:
Oh wow this makes so much sense, my journalling I probably always did in an abysmal way lol. I don't wallow - in the classic sense - as that'd be really tiring to me but I noticed one day that alot of the journalling is venting or something like that, some really angry stuff. Tho' I suppose that's better than venting to people too much. But what I particularly noticed, though only after YEARS of journalling, and only recently...is that if I get into the writing more to try and process things, then after a while I do get deeper and deeper and probably more angry and negative but it happens only when it feels like I am talking to a "wall" rather than a real person. Well my journal is not a real person. So that is why it gets so negative then. And I noticed this when I did talk to a real person (online) and she was pretty cool, like she kept tuning into my experience and validating it or something Like most people don't O_o Anyway then one day she didn't tune in too well, for whatever reason, and said something that was kinda an "off" suggestion. I don't mind, I don't expect anyone to be perfectly tuning in or validating me or whatever 100% of the time. But what I did notice was that later I felt like journalling to process what she said, to see how it fit my situation because something was bothering me about it. And then I ended up writing to her actually instead of the journalling, but she was not online... And so, soon I noticed I felt like it was talking to a wall and then I noticed the negative spiralling. That is when the lightbulb came on about my journalling too, I suppose. .... But I still did end up processing the "off" suggestion she had and it did lead to insight. Insight through seeing how it did NOT fit me/my situation, lol. (Even if this is not the most effective way to get to insight??) And that's the same with the journalling. It does lead to me processing things and to insights, it just takes so long. I get so deep in my head during it. While trying to process my issues and get to insights for a better place, better direction in life. So ineffective because of the "wall" effect, I think. Does this make sense?? You suggest journalling while imagining I'm talking to another person. Unfortunately that only works for a short time, I have done that before spontaneously actually... Like I would get used to talking to a friend and then I sometimes felt like I was talking to them when journalling. But if I get spontaneous like that, it doesn't last long before "wall" effect kicks in. Also if the person I got used to talking to isn't very good at tuning in (bc say, they didn't have my experiences, or just don't understand, even if well-meaning), then it can be still a negative spiral anyway. I think that's what it comes down to... Your T-chart exercise suggestion hmm... My problem is I don't really have simple thoughts on why I feel bad when I feel bad, and I don't even feel that I am feeling bad if that makes sense. I just fall deep in my head and try to process to get to a better place is what I do instead. You mention writing about what's going on with me, well I don't even know what's going on with me when something's up, that is why I have to process it in my journalling. Your suggestion sounds a lot like CBT really, how psychologists do CBT with you in therapy, and I'm familiar with that, but that also never worked for me lol for the same reason. My processing really has a constructive goal so you could say it's optimistic but it's ineffective anyway, because it's hard to do all of it alone Iguess I've understood a little more on how talking to others can help, but that's still kinda unclear too to me lol. I figured so far, it helps if they can understand some of what I'm saying bc they have had the experience too, or they are an expert about the topic (but do keep their empathy too next to the expertise, don't just intellectualise always). Or just plain are very empathetic maybe? Or if it is someone I am close to (family), that can help too even if they haven't had my experiences. But I do think I still have a lot of blocks even when I talk to others. It's just hard somehow. Not sure, sometimes the experience of talking with others is better, sometimes worse, sometimes pretty effective, sometimes not effective. I don't expect it to be a magic pill (anymore) so any positive experience with that is already a nice surprise lol ... (BTW I like this thread some, though I didn't read it all yet... catapults me back to 19 years ago. When I had this disconnect and when all my bigger issues started. I will have to sometime digest some of the posts in here more.) |
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Alive99
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Member Since: Dec 2020
Location: Hungary
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#31
Quote:
I'd like to respond to you too. On this same topic. Yeah I think I don't really get an emotional release in this direct way. I probably uh what I probably do is I break down the negative emotion by "intellectualising" and analysing really hard and really long until I get to some good point but like I already said it's ineffective as it takes long to do this. Hours where talking to someone in a good way would be just like a few minutes or half an hour at most?? I've had that experience that it helped that fast, sometimes. Then sometimes not at all. Complicated lol Anyway yeah I probably gradually break down the negative feelings without ever feeling them directly. It's like my analytical left brain going into overdrive to deal with this task of breaking down the emotions like that. And yeah again, it takes forever. It's mentally a hard task, exhausting even. And so on. Hm yeah, maybe no one journals like that other than me And maybe you are TOTALLY not supposed to do it that way Anyway. Your cathartic version that's like writing a letter to someone and not sending it. I've had that too but it only comes to me spontaneously and only realllly rarely. I do feel the emotions then and I do not analyse so much, and it's cathartic and does release the emotions. For a while anyway |
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