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ttw21
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Default Sep 10, 2020 at 02:16 PM
  #1
I recently realized that when I (18, male, freshman in college, living at home) am being yelled at by my parents I have to ability to completely shut off my emotions. I have been able to do it for as long as I remember, all I do is relax my muscles and stare into nothing and very easily I stop listening to them. I have read online things about people who can also do this but the articles talk about replacing the feeling with anger or fear, neither of which I feel during nor afterwards. I also don't just turn off my emotions randomly, I have great relationships with my friends. I really don't understand it and thats why I am here. I want to understand what I am doing and if I should be worried about it. Side note, I don't think I do it for all painful emotions because when my cats died a few years back I still cried and didn't turn off my emotions.
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Default Sep 10, 2020 at 06:20 PM
  #2
I’m not qualified in anything, but it sounds like you are able to become emotionally detached when they are yelling at you. For some people this helps protect them from unwanted anxiety, or stress and can be useful if you can control it (it sounds like you can).

If you find yourself being emotionally detached and you didn’t want to be, it might be good to seek some help before it gets worse.
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Default Sep 10, 2020 at 10:57 PM
  #3
It sounds like dissociation to me but I am not an expert.
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Default Sep 11, 2020 at 03:01 AM
  #4
I am not an expert either. Dissociation can look like many things, I really struggle with it. I didn't even know it was happening for decades and it really affected my life negatively, to the point where I don't remember a lot of my life.

The fact that you can choose to do it and aren't affected by it in other relationships suggests some kind of voluntary emotional detachment...which could be useful until you are able to leave your parents.
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Default Sep 11, 2020 at 04:26 PM
  #5
Hi ttw21, My mom was severely mentally ill and when I was growing up she would have episodes in which she became paranoid and screamed at me, accusing me of all sorts of weird things. She would also become physically violent toward me. From the time I was a young child until I left home when I was 19 I would pretend I was Mr. Spock whenever my mom went off on me. He was my favorite character in Star Trek and, like him, I wanted not to have any emotions. I became very good at it by dissociating myself from my own feelings.

The problem is that I ended up being so stuck in dissociation that eventually the world around me seemed to be unreal (the name for it is "derealization"). I still have feelings, but the sense of isolation (because I feel myself as almost entirely disconnected from the world) is very difficult and painful.

In my opinion it would be great if you could get into therapy now, when it's easier to make changes in your brain and learn healthy ways of coping. It's a lot harder to do when you're older, don't know how to have normal relationships, and so on.

Remember that by shutting off your emotions you are doing your best to cope with the anxiety you feel as you're being yelled at. My guess is that the anxiety is there; you're just dissociating yourself from it.

So what I mean is that you are reacting normally to an abnormal situation (people shouldn't be yelling at you unless they are trying to save you from imminent physical danger).

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Default Sep 11, 2020 at 10:53 PM
  #6
Like Beth and you, since I was a young child, when my Mum got paranoid, she'd start hitting me and screaming accusations, and I learned to detach like that. My therapist called it voluntary dissociation.

It was helpful in my life, until I left the abusive family. However although it was voluntary, it became involuntary in other areas, and sometimes put me in danger.

If you can, I hope you can access a trauma therapist because you need and deserve support, care, empowerment while you're being abused.
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Default Sep 12, 2020 at 03:29 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by Quietmind 2 View Post
...

It was helpful in my life, until I left the abusive family. However although it was voluntary, it became involuntary in other areas, and sometimes put me in danger.

...

Yes, this ^^^^

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Default Sep 13, 2020 at 08:18 PM
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Default Sep 18, 2020 at 01:34 AM
  #9
Thank you all, it is good to hear I am not alone. My parents aren't abusive, maybe a little too controlling and manipulative but not abusive. Some of you veiw it as a positive and others as a negative, either way I don't think I have ever used it to cope, I can only remember ever doing it in these specific situations and when I do it is more like a pause button. Afterwards I tend to go to my room to be alone with my thoughts, wich sometimes results in an unintentionally nap. If it is mild disassociation, wich sounds likely, what are some better ways to cope (i don't think therapy is a great solutionfor me, I went once to a groupsession after an almost school shooting and just found myself choosing my words too much? I can't honestly think of any coping mechanisms that I do other than getting lost while performing/practicing my art forms and just being alone with my thoughts. Again, thank you all for your help and kind words.
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Default Sep 21, 2020 at 02:40 AM
  #10
After some research I don't think it is disassociation, the only symptom I share is being able to turn off my emotions and even that is different. Many people report feeling as if they are outside of themselves when they turned off their emotions and I definitely don't feel like that. I feel like I flip a switch and just become apathetic to everything but I am still very much in myself and aware of what is going on. Again, thank you all and if that is what someone's disassociation feels like, please let me know.
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