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Gwendolyn93
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Trig Sep 11, 2020 at 04:15 AM
  #1
first off, im sorry for the longish post, second if you read it all thanks i appreciate it.

Hi, im Gwen and I'm going to mentally break if things don't change soon. Fun huh? So I'm 27 now and when i was 18 i married a very abusive man, in every sense, and i had my son at 19. When my son was about 7 months old i was forced to give him up to my husband's grandparents under threats of him hurting my son, yes I'm well aware i should have just left but i didn't and I will never forgive myself for it. I was kept states away from my son for 6 months and had no contact with him or anyone but my ex husband. Finally after 6 months i was told to go to my husband's grandparents house and find us a new apartment and get a job before we moved down there. My son didn't recognize me and my ex husband's grandparents wouldn't let me near him, i had to sit away from him and try to talk to him and get him comfortable with me again. They would even prevent him from coming to me or keep me from holding him. This went on for about 2 weeks when i decided i wanted to take my son and visit my grandmother, i had no intentions of leaving the relationship, and then things went from bad to worse. They took my son and got custody in court because they grew up with the judge and it's a small backwards little town. One week after that, my ex husband divorced me through a text and never answered another one of my calls. When he finally brought some of my things to me he showed up with another woman and her newborn child. He barely said two words to me and to this day i still don't know what sparked all this. I've now been fighting for custody for 6 years, with them calling me every name in the book and claiming i have abused and even molested my son. It's been hell. This past month I have been getting more and more sick, my immune system is shot from stress and i can literally feel my mind starting to snap. I looked at myself in the mirror earlier and i wanted to cut it up till it was even more unrecognizable. (I used to self harm but i haven't in 3 years) I'm going to break and this doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon. I'm sorry for the long woe is me post, i just needed to tell someone other than my SO about it.

Thanks for reading.
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Default Sep 11, 2020 at 04:40 AM
  #2
Dear Gwen,

Please seek professional help for your problems. You are going through hell and need help from others. Where is your family? I know family can be helpful during these times but if your family is like mine, then you should seek professional help. My family has a tendency to trash me when I'm down. So, I have had a series of breakdowns but they are never there until I am really falling apart to the point where I can't function on my own. You don't need to be like me and fall all the way down. Please try to pick up the pieces and make yourself whole again! Your toxic ex and his family are some people you can do without; however, you have children involved so you need to get advice about how to handle your situation objectively and without causing more stress to yourself. It will not be easy if you want to remain in your son's life. I would re-build your life somehow first, meaning focus on yourself first and making yourself whole again, then trying to find a way to build a relationship with your son. I feel bad for you and know that your situation feels hopeless but don't give up! I have had a nasty divorce too! Things get ugly. But, you need to take care of yourself first. Without you being healthy, you won't be able to do anything. I hope others have better advice for you too!! Hang in there!!
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