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Old 09-16-2020, 07:29 AM   #1
Have Hope
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Default I cannot keep going through this

I have been abused by so many people and more than I care to think about.

I have faced persecution in several different educational and work environments.

I've had to fight to be both heard and respected.

I've battled with an eating disorder for a solid chunk of my adult life.

I now know that my father sexually abused me when I was very young, causing me MANY emotional and psychological problems throughout my life. I have forgiven him in my mind and heart, but the reality of this is very saddening.

I've dealt with abuse in my marriage, and right now I don't know if I will have to leave him.

However, today I want to stand strong. Yesterday I had debilitating depression. Today, I am determined to bring my spirits back up. I want to regain my strength and fortitude.

I don't know what additional battles I have ahead of me -- and I hope not many. I feel I have fought too many in my life to keep up the good fight.

Anyone else feel like their entire life has been one battle after another?

Anyone else tired of having to fight through it all, just to stay afloat and survive?

Anyone else feel like they're a true survivor, in every sense of the word?

I do. And I'm tired of it all.

I just want inner peace and stability in my life. I cannot keep going through this again and again and again.
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Old 09-16-2020, 01:28 PM   #2
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Default Re: I cannot keep going through this

Sorry for your struggles. It's awful what your father did and wonderful that you have forgiven him. That alone brings you some peace and healing to you. I've forgiven lots of people, but not everyone yet. Including myself. Continued healing.
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Old 09-16-2020, 02:18 PM   #3
Have Hope
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Default Re: I cannot keep going through this

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aviza View Post
Sorry for your struggles. It's awful what your father did and wonderful that you have forgiven him. That alone brings you some peace and healing to you. I've forgiven lots of people, but not everyone yet. Including myself. Continued healing.
@Aviza, your kind words and support mean the world to me right now. Thank you so much.

I need comforting words..... and yes, forgiving my father is a huge step towards healing.

I found that it's really hard to forgive sometimes, especially when the harm is SO great and immense, but I also found that ultimately, forgiveness of another is best for one's own soul and spirit -- that it frees a person of the anger and rage that is held deeply within, perhaps for years and perhaps for a lifetime.

I forgave my father for being such a broken person that he had to do such a horrible thing.
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Old 09-17-2020, 11:44 AM   #4
Have Hope
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Default Re: I cannot keep going through this

I guess not many people can relate to my sentiments, which is surprising.

I feel SO alone with my struggles.
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Old 09-17-2020, 04:18 PM   #5
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Itís absolutely mortifying about your father. Have you alerted authorities about sexual abuse? Itís not uncommon for a person to molest children and then just stop. They strike again. Iíd worry heíd assault another child. I do understand itís scary to bring it up to light but itís scary he might do it to another child. Itís mortifying. I do understand forgiving people but this is the most horrendous vicious crime one can imagine. Does your mother know?
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Old 09-17-2020, 04:44 PM   #6
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Thanks - I brought this up to my family years ago, it was denied and got buried. My mother would be horrified and devastated. I will do no such thing such as alerting authorities. I am 100% certain that no one is in danger, I am most certainly not going to shake things up and I'm taking this one to the grave.
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Old 09-18-2020, 05:16 AM   #7
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Default Re: I cannot keep going through this

The sexual abuse is soooooo very long ago, my father is a standup citizen in many ways, and I have forgiven him fully. I would prefer to not keep talking about that part of my post.

I was hoping that someone here could relate to that feeling -- of having to face constant challenges.
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Old 09-18-2020, 08:16 PM   #8
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I think people can relate to struggles. We recently counted how many serious illnesses and deaths and other big struggles we had in our families in the past 5 years and we were like ďitís one after anotherĒ. And now covid. Please. Enough already. Couple of years of no one getting sick or dying or having pandemics would be nice

I kind of live by a motto that it could be also worse, frankly much worse. I know not everyone finds it helpful. But I do. Whatever it is. It could be worse
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Old 09-18-2020, 09:34 PM   #9
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You make a good point. I suppose each person has a bit differently. Some may go through what you experience, and some may go through a lot worse and more. For me, I just feel that it 's been one challenge after another since I was 30. Twenty years. So I am done with life challenges coming my way, but you're right, it could be worse in so many ways.
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Old 09-18-2020, 09:55 PM   #10
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I completely and personally relate to about 96.3754 percent of what you wrote. I am so sorry for your trials and anguish, Hope, truly. Love always.

This is your post, but I will tell you that I was born blind in one eye and with many undiagnosed neurodevelopmental problems. My bipolar-schizophrenia-spectrum illness began in utero. It has been staggeringly difficult. 2 major S efforts. Saved by miracles from God. Truly. Both times. Truth. Facts.

I spent 5 yrs in a max security, incredibly dangerous state hospital because I had taken one of my prescription medications incorrectly. Frightened my precious son while psychotic and have not spoken to him in nine yrs. I could go on.

Love, compassion, prayers. God does not ever ask those He KNOWS could never do it to perform His toughest trials. We are truly blessed and loved by Him. We are all special. Every last one of us. Have faith.
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