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Cardooney
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Cardooney Cousin of the artichoke
 
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Trig Sep 18, 2020 at 08:47 AM
  #1
Can’t sleep. Woken up By the dog sitting on my pillow, panting from lightning and thunder. Stayed awake due to difficult thoughts and feelings.
I am a mother and I want my kids to be safe and healthy.
My son was just inpatient for near a week because he was having suicidal thoughts And feelings. he had recently moved out. I’m not sure he was ready to move out, and would he be better back here?

I am so worried about him and it’s hard that he is not here. He sounded really down last night, after he had been sounding better the days before.
He said he got triggered by someone staying at his place (ex gf who is crashing there for the weekend). I tried talking to him about it, but he wanted to hang up the phone. I told my husband I was worried and my husband contacted my sons roommate, he told the roommate that the ex gf should go stay somewhere else by our son can’t handle having her there.

In the end, my son texted me that he is ok. I don’t know what all my husband said to the roommate and what all the roommate said to my son, but on one hand I’m upset if I overreacted and caused drama and interfered . On the other hand, I felt very worried and annoyed that this gf is crashing there after dumping him, when she can go stay somewhere else.

I know my son is an adult now, just barely an adult, but he was inpatient and he said part of the reason he had been so affected was due to things happening at his new place, and that his gf broke up with him and was still crashing at his place on the couch.

Hes wanted to stick things out in his apartment (he’s been saying that since he moved in there because he said it’s hard and he misses being home where things are familiar). He said he wants to move on from the gf. How can he move on with her in his face? He said she could stay to be nice.

This is such a hard time. I’ve barely slept due to adrenaline from worrying earlier. I have to leave for work in an hour.

I’m just not sure what happened last night? This is hard to navigate.
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Cardooney
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Cardooney Cousin of the artichoke
 
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Trig Sep 18, 2020 at 09:01 AM
  #2
I want to add that I have been worrying about one or another persons I love committing sui. since I was like 14 yrs old. First my dad, then brothers, then husband, now son. That’s like 30 continuous years. Both my parents tried it..my mom as a teen, which she told me about when I was young, and my dad tried a few times. My husband came very close to following through.

It’s so painful and scary. My heart has all the size needed to love them through it but the anxiety from it becomes it’s own beast.

I really need the biggest hug.

The agony I have heard from my dad and brothers haunts me at times. The terror I experienced from thinking everyday for several months straight that I would find my husband..
And now my precious son. I can’t fix it and it’s so hard to accept.
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Default Sep 18, 2020 at 09:07 AM
  #3
I'm so sorry you experienced that, and if I had kids, I would be every bit as worried and protective as you are. I think it was very appropriate for you to have acted the way you did, and I'm glad your son has such a loving family to look out for him. I hope your son's condition improves, it sounds like he has been through a lot recently. Big hugs your way Trying to relax
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Trig Sep 18, 2020 at 09:22 AM
  #4
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Originally Posted by indigo1015 View Post
I'm so sorry you experienced that, and if I had kids, I would be every bit as worried and protective as you are. I think it was very appropriate for you to have acted the way you did, and I'm glad your son has such a loving family to look out for him. I hope your son's condition improves, it sounds like he has been through a lot recently. Big hugs your way Trying to relax
Thank you so much! “Very appropriate” eases my fear that I made things worse by voicing my opinion and concern. I do believe it would have been wrong to ignore that he said he was triggered by her being there and was hiding out in his room alone with the door shut because she is there.

It’s hard because I want to protect him, and he says “thank you for your concern”
I understand, and I believe in him, but I guess I have been in the place where I isolate and ignore my needs for others benefit, because I’m “strong” or “nice” too. And therefore I know it’s not the healthiest place to be.

Finding the appropriate lines for supporting, stepping in, giving space and trusting...it’s a lot to know and get right, and sometimes I am sure there is no room for error.

It seems like I’m beating myself up, but really I’m afraid something bad will happen, and that I could have should have done or not something to prevent it.

He knows I’m here for him 24/7 and I have offered help however he needs.
I hope he reaches out if needed.

Another thing that bothers me is his doctor for the last several years that saw him for depression and prescribed his antidepressants passed away suddenly, and I believe it was suicide.

Ugh
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Default Sep 18, 2020 at 01:07 PM
  #5
It sounds a very stressful situation. Do you have someone in real life you can talk to about this? Like a therapist maybe?
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Cardooney Cousin of the artichoke
 
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Default Sep 18, 2020 at 03:41 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
It sounds a very stressful situation. Do you have someone in real life you can talk to about this? Like a therapist maybe?
Thank u.
I don’t have a therapist right now, but after posting this morning, I did break down crying to my husband, saying I need help to navigate this. It was good to cry. But, yes, I feel like I need more outside help. Talking to friends about it isn’t very appealing, or helpful, probably.
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