Immense Hatred Towards My Mom Over Divorce

Just so you know, this is a VERY LONG post. About 14,000 words to be exact. But, I´ve been through a lot, and my mom practically destroyed me. Just a heads up.


I hate my mom. Trust me, I have a very good reason for this. Here it goes. When I was little, my dad was in the service, and he was away a lot. He would go overseas, and be gone for a very long time, so it was just me and my mom. Well, when I was 10 years old my dad was away. He would visit us occasionally, but he would have to go back out.

I would then start getting to visit my dad; he apparently had another house, and lived in the same town as my mom. I was confused by that, but I didn´t think much of it at the time. He lived alone, and it was a middle-class house. Me visiting my dad became commonplace: The visits would last for about 1 or 2 weeks.

Then, after a while, something happened. This lady came into the picture. The lady was an older woman, about in her 50s, and she lived with my dad. My dad told me it was ¨just the lady who´s renting the house¨. I thought, ¨Oh, okay. Cool.¨ I was completely clueless as to what was really going on. Then, my dad eventually did not take me back with my mom. I was confused by this, but I did enjoy living with my dad. This was during the summer time, so I didn´t have school. One day, in the car, I hear my dad arguing with my mom over the phone, and he says, ¨What can´t you get through your head? He´s staying with me for the summer!¨

The lady would come live with my dad occasionally, and she was nice. We would all spend time together, like going to a community swimming pool ¨on-base¨. I had a bedroom at my dad´s house, and it was small but cozy. The house was only one-story, and it had this weird down-stairs area that had other rooms, and my bedroom. It also had a bathroom. That area was below ground though, so it was kind of like a basement meant for living in. We used that area as the living room, and it was carpeted so it was comfortable.

My dad would take me back to live with my mom when school started again. I would visit him often. My dad would tell me ¨There was nobody living with us. Because it was just us right?¨ I was confused by this since there was the ¨lady renting the house¨ but I just agreed with him, and didn´t think much of it.

Just typing this is making me very uncomfortable. I kind of feel like I ruined my dad´s life. I blame myself deep down inside. Sorry. I´ll explain that later. So, the lady came to live with my dad for good eventually. I was confused again and thought to myself, ¨Why isn´t she leaving? Like she always does?¨ But I shrugged it off. My dad, and that lady... I´m about to cry right now... I had to start sleeping in the living room; the couch had a reclining bed that was actually very comfortable. My dad gave me a pillow and blankets, it was nice. What happened next threw me through a loop. My dad and the lady went to go sleep inside my bedroom. I thought that was crazy because she was the ¨lady renting the house¨ and to me my dad is sharing a bed with a complete stranger. I did not understand the bigger picture at the time. To me my dad and the lady were just being weird. I feel like crying because I blame myself. I blame myself... They just looked so happy, about to have the best life together... And I had to take it all away from them. I can´t help but cry. I ruined their lives. I´m sorry... I was just a stupid 10 year old at the time who didn´t know ****. Sorry, to anyone who cares. I´ll continue. My dad and the lady would sleep in the bedroom every night, and me on the couch recliner. That was the new norm for us. After a while, the lady left again. It was just me and my dad again. I got to sleep in my bedroom again as well. Also, just so you know, I never visited my mom while the lady was staying with us that time, and sleeping in the bed with my dad. Back to what I was saying, I asked my dad if I could visit my mom. He got upset with me because it was using gas he needed to go to work. When we got to my mom´s house he said he would pick me up in the morning at 7. But... he never came. I was back to living with my mom again. I´m sorry dad... I hope you´re not still mad at me...

So, one day my mom gets a call from my dad. My mom asks me who I want to live with. I was a bit annoyed by this because I didn´t feel like choosing at the time because I just wanted to watch cartoons. I told my mom I wanted to do it later, but she said, ¨No! You have to do it now.¨ I asked her, ¨Do I have to?¨ and she says, ¨Yes, it has to be now.¨ I then make a quick decision and say I want to live with... my mom. I chose her because she was the easy-going one, and my dad was the serious type. I thought she was talking about visiting, and I didn´t understand what the big deal was. Dad... I didn´t mean it. I didn´t understand at the time.

After I chose, after a while, my mom said we were going to live with my aunt. We were going to have to travel to another state. We packed all our stuff, and flew over to the state where my aunt lives. We lived with my aunt for a couple of years, and then we finally got our own apartment in the same state. Fast forward to where all my real grievances against that stupid fat b**** I call a ¨mom¨ has done to me. I realized I had chosen wrong, and my dad is actually a pretty okay dude! Okay, deep breath, you too whoever´s reading this, what you are about to read is disturbing.

My mom uses me as an ATM machine. Yes. You heard that right. She is greedy. She takes the child support money and spends it on herself, and uses it to pay rent for the apartment. She gets paid to take care of my grandma, who lives with us, but not a lot. Whenever my grandma gives me allowance for taking out the trash, my mom always wants it. Like for example, we were at the DMV one time, and she needed $20 to pay for something, and asks me if I have $20, but I had already spent it. I told her no, and she says ¨Shoot... Darn it.¨ Oh, here´s another TIME! I had purchased a brass knuckle off the internet. Now here´s another thing that makes my skin crawl... She always wants to know what I ordered online, even though I paid for it! Just being nosey. She found out I purchased a brass knuckle and she questions me saying, ¨What´s that for?¨ and I just say it was something from a movie. The truth is it was for self-defense for emergencies, but I didn´t tell her that. Now, we go to a grocery store, and she asks me if I have any money left. I tell her no, and she immediately starts panicking and says, ¨What happened to it all? How much did that knuckle thing cost?¨ OKAY, WHOA! I bought the brass knuckle with my ALLOWANCE. And she certainly has NO RIGHT to question me about what I purchased online! She was gonna use that money to buy groceries, because she kept spending the food stamps on frilly things like cake and stuff. I mean I get we need food, but it was my money. I don´t get how she can be mad at me because I spent my ALLOWANCE. I´m not an ATM machine! She literally uses me as a wallet, that´s all I am to her... A WALLET! Not a person. A wallet.

Seriously, whenever I ask her for $20 allowance (grandma gives me $20, just so you know) she gets uneasy, and tries to dodge the question by saying things like, ¨We´ll see...¨, but she never gives it to me. Now, I know what you´re thinking... I´m being a little greedy myself here, but let me explain why. You see, I was around 15 years old at the time and I had already realized my parents were divorced. I had also realized my dad was cheating, but I never said anything. When I was visiting my dad for a month during the summer, he told me that the child support money should all be going to ME, and that it was MY money. Yeah, all that child support was supposed to be mine, but instead my ¨mom¨ pocketed it all. Also, she doesn´t even raise me. She only cares when I do something wrong, but never actually talks to me. I can´t even have $20 of it! Oh, and by the way, my mom receives over $868 in child support A MONTH!! A huge $800 paycheck for doing nothing at all! I wish I could get a check like that for doing nothing!

I once asked if she could buy me a computer, and she says ¨Yeah, we can put money aside.¨ Yet, she never actually put money aside... Not only that but she complains all the time about small tasks she has to do during the day, like buying something at the store for my grandma. Like seriously?? You get all that money and YOU´RE the one complaining?? I can only imagine what my poor DAD has to go through to PROVIDE ALL THAT!! See, there´s this nasty habit my mom has. She literally turns to me and asks me if I have any money when she´s a little short on cash. Then when I say I don´t have anything she then starts aggressively questioning me about what happened to it. Like, ¨What happened to it all? You had $30! What´d you spend it on?¨ Like geeeezzz! I SWEAR! It´s like she whines and pouts like the little spoiled grown adult brat she is when she doesn´t get her way, and the only way to shut her up is to throw money at her. Really? I have to PAY you to SHUT UP? SHEESH!

My dad is much better than my mom, he actually raises me and talks to me. He even gives me spending money every time I visit. If it weren´t for my dad, I wouldn´t be a very good person like I am today. My dad is the sole reason why i´m good. So here´s where trouble really starts.

I tell my mom one day that I want to live with my dad. She asks me, ¨Why?¨ and I say, ¨I just wanna live with him now.¨ My mom says, ¨But you get to visit him twice a year.¨ I tell her that I just want to live with him now. But my mom just asks, ¨Why do you want to leave?¨ I tell her I just do. My mom then asks me, ¨Can you just stay here?¨ I just huff, and go to my room. This wasn´t over, I wasn´t gonna just give up like that. I had to get out of there.

A couple of days later I decide to start packing a suitcase inside my bedroom. My mom asks, ¨What are you doing?¨ I tell her i´m going to live with my dad. She then says, ¨No, you have to stay here.¨ I just ignore her and keep packing. She then says, ¨[My Name] your scaring me!¨ When she finally leaves the room I lock the door to keep her out. She comes back again and tries opening the door. She says, ¨[My Name] open the door!¨ I ignore her, and she keeps telling me to open the door. After a while, she starts unscrewing the door-knob, taking it apart, trying to break in. That infuriated me, because she was invading my privacy. It made me feel like a prisoner, like I was her property. After a while she finally gets the door open. She has tears in her eyes, and that pisses me off, she wasn´t no victim. If anything me and my dad were the real victims! She then asks, ¨Can I have a hug?¨ I ignore her. She then says, ¨Please?¨ She then sits on the bed with me, and tries to get closer to me. I move away. She gets closer. I tell her not to touch me. But she then tries to reach out for me, trying to pull me into a hug. I move away and grab a blunt object. I was ready to hit her if she even laid a finger on me. She laughs a little and asks, ¨What´s wrong?¨ I then say, ¨I don´t want to be touched.¨ She then has the nerve to ask me, ¨Why are you so angry?¨ I´m thinking to myself, like really?? You are really that oblivious? After all you´ve done to me? YOU KEPT ME AWAY FROM MY FATHER MY WHOLE LIFE!!

I then threaten to call CPS if she touches me. She then touches me and tries to pull me into a hug. I then jump off the bed, and run to the bathroom. I then close and lock the door. I then PRETEND to be on a phone call to try and scare her. She then tells me to come out. After a while, I come out the bathroom. I tell her, ¨I called them.¨ She then asks, ¨Why??¨ I then say, ¨You touched me when I didn´t wanna be touched.¨ She then has the NERVE to say, ¨Ÿou´re gonna get arrested for making a false report.¨ That really pissed me off. Did she just seriously threaten me?? I then tell her in a monotone voice, ¨They´re coming...¨ She then tells me to call it off. I then say, ¨I can´t I scheduled an appointment.¨ She then asks when. I say, ¨Tomorrow in the evening.¨ She asks, ¨Why did you call them?¨ starting to get upset. I then say, ¨They needed to know what´s going on....¨ She then says they don´t need to know what´s going on, and then says, ¨Let me talk to them.¨ I then refuse to give her my phone, and tell her that she can´t talk to them. She gets mad and asks, ¨Why did you do that for?¨ I eventually tell her that I never actually called CPS. She then calms down. I go back to packing my things. She then says that i´m scaring her, and tells me ¨I want my little boy back. It´s just that we´ve been together for so long. And it´s hard to see you go.¨ Well ***** that doesn´t mean you can just HOG ME! What about MY DAD?? He barely even gets to spend time with me!! Yet he supports me. Do you have any idea how hard that is?? To be torn away from your own son, and to not even get to actually spend time with him, let alone raise him?? What a selfish stupid ***** my mom is.

I eventually tell my dad I want to live with him now. My memory is a little foggy on this part. But, I believe I told my dad I wanted to live with him, and he told me to tell my mom. And somehow things escalated and my mom got an angry phone call from my dad, probably because I might of said my mom was not letting my stay with him. I heard my mom say, ¨I´m not making him feel guilty!¨ My mom told me not to tell my dad anything. I decided to torture her by telling my dad about my mom. My dad gave my mom an angry phone call every time. My mom kept telling me to stop, and I eventually did. It gave me pleasure to put my mom in pain like I did.

Another thing my mom would do is she would try to win me over by taking me to the movies, and stuff like that. As if it would make up for what she put me through. I decided to start being mean to my mom to punish her. I don´t remember everything I did, but I would ignore her when she was trying to talk to me, and I would break her things. Stuff like that. But, there is one incident at that made my blood boil...

We went to a do-it-yourself type of car wash because my dumb mom wanted to bond with me. I really do not want a relationship with her anymore after seeing how self-absorbed she really is. So, at the car wash. I refuse to help my mom because I was pissed at her, since she wouldn´t let me live with my dad. And I see this white pickup truck finding a bay to wait at, I see it move towards the bay beside us, but no, it fu-freaking chooses OUR BAY to wait at!! I think, ¨Okay, no big deal. A little awkward, but no biggie...¨ Then after a while, you will not believe what happened....

I see the passenger door of the truck open, and this dude hops out. He then walks into our bay and says, ¨Hey brother...¨ I was thinking to myself, ¨Okay, maybe he just wants to know where something is...¨ NOPE. He then says, ¨I hate to intervene, but, is this your mom?¨ Oh, boy, here we go... He then goes on, ¨Why is she doing all the work? This is your mom´s car right?¨ I then say yes. My mom just laughs nervously the entire time. He then says, ¨You should be washing her car for her.¨ And basically saying how I should be helping, and washing to car for my mom. He then goes back inside the truck. I then grab a sprayer and help rinse off the car. Like seriously, what a SIMP! Putting on a show like that. That pissed me off, like mind your own business dude, quit trying to pick up girls with that lame pick up game. Sheeeshhh! It pisses me off because it feels like the universe is against me, and it chose to side with MY MOM and not the REAL VICTIM, WHICH IS ME!! I went through all that, and the universe told ME to shut up! NO! I WILL NOT SHUT UP! I WILL NOT BE SILENT! I WILL SPEAK OUT AGAINST THE WRONG DOINGS THAT HAVE BEEN DONE TO ME!!

Now here´s where things get even worse... My uncle lives in a group home. He told my grandma that he wants to live with us to help us out with the money. My uncle eventually moves in with us at the apartment. All was good at first, no trouble. He slept in the living room in a sleeping bag on the floor. The apartment had two bedrooms. My grandma had one. And me and my mom shared a bedroom. But, after a while... He started showing strange behavior. I would notice that when my mom was gone, and I went into the living room, he would be walking around aimlessly and muttering to himself. He would also open and close the refrigerator multiple times for no reason. I also noticed my dog, a maltipoo, was hiding underneath the coffee table in fear. I didn´t understand why, because to me my uncle was just being weird, but he didn´t seem dangerous. Things went downhill. He started to show his true colors. I would wake up to hear my uncle and grandma arguing, and my uncle yelling at the top of his lungs.

Things got worse when a heat wave came. My uncle started being mean to us. My mom was talking to my grandma, while my uncle was asleep, and she said that my uncle would always tell her, ¨You´re window´s open! And i´m like, how did you know my window was open?¨ She was referring to our bedroom window. Eventually my grandma and my uncle got into another argument, and my grandma said, ¨You´re not supposed to go in her room!¨ Then my uncle says that on the thermostat it said the apartment temperature was 97 degrees (Fahrenheit) in the morning, ¨97! 97! It said it was 97 at 7 in the morning!¨ Things got worse. My uncle would only get worse as time went on...

Morning arguments between my uncle and grandma became common-place. I would come out of my room, and see my uncle on the couch acting goofy. He had a shirt wrapped around his head, and muttering complete non-sense. He would then put his hands out in-front of him, and quickly twiddle them around for a moment. My grandma was mad and constantly saying, ¨He´s not normal! He not normal!¨ I went back inside my room, and I would occasionally hear my uncle get mad and argue with my grandma for a moment, and then he would go back to being goofy. I always hated it when he did that. My mom eventually started staying in my room with me from now on. Every time my uncle acted goofy, he would eventually stop after a while, and get REALLY REALLY MAD for NO REASON. Like PISSED OFF BOILING MAD, for no reason at all. He would then become violent and start destroying things. My mom would say, ¨Why are you doing this?¨ He would just grumble one or two words, and continue breaking things. I did nothing because I was too scared. He was like a bull in a china shop. If my mom was in the room with me, he would constantly knock on our door and shout my mom´s name. Then my mom would have to come out and see what he wants. One time my mom came back inside the bedroom and grumbled, ¨Why? You have a phone...¨ referring to my uncle. Also, I was only 16 when this was going on, and I have a serious lack of upper-body strength. All my strength is in my legs. So this was traumatizing for me.

My grandma even told my uncle, ¨You not in-charge! You´re not the boss!¨ and my uncle would angrily shout, ¨I know! I KNOW!!¨ Like, he says he knows, but he does it anyways! It brings the fear back just typing this... My grandma even told him, ¨You´re always grumbling all the time! Nobody wanna hear that! You complain about everything! You complain about the food, you complain about the-etc.¨

One time my uncle even complained about coffee. He was arguing with my mom and grandma shouting, ¨IT´S NOT A FILTER!¨ Then my mom and grandma keep trying to tell him that it was a reusable filter, and that my mom got it near a coffee place. My uncle then continues, ¨IT´S NOT A FILTER! I SAW THE GRAINS ON THE BOTTOM!¨ My grandma then says, ¨He always thinks he´s right! He thinks we´re wrong, and that he´s always right!¨ Then my uncle continues shouting that it´s not a filter.

Something disturbing started happening... My uncle became possessive of my dog. Every time my dog would let my dog inside the room, my uncle would knock on the door and not say anything. That was his way of saying he wanted the dog to be out there with him. If my mom refused, he would knock again more aggressively. My mom would sigh angrily and let the dog go out there.

Now, every time I would go outside my dog would follow me inside the room because she has very close bond with me. However, my uncle started yelling ¨STOOOOOP!!¨ at me whenever I would come out of the room because he didn´t want the dog to be with me. He wanted the dog all to himself. And that´s the thing I noticed about him. He is a narcissist. He hijacked the house by bullying us into submission, and now he was gonna try to take our dog. He probably thought that he didn´t really make it in life, so he would try to steal someone else´s ****. He saw it as HIS apartment. He saw it as HIS dog. He is a control freak. Every time I would come out, WITHOUT FAIL, he would yell ¨STOP!¨ at me. And no I wasn´t coming out excessively. Even if it was just once for the day he would still yell. He didn´t want me to come out AT ALL! He saw us as prisoners! Believe me, I only came out when NECESSARY! Like if I was thirsty, or needed something to eat! I hate being yelled at. Another thing, I am a very shy and timid individual. I am also very quiet. He doesn´t yell ¨STOP!¨ at my mom or grandma like that. He only does it with me! And what that tells me is that he saw me as an easy target because of my shyness! Because he knows if he tried that with my mom or grandma, they would say something. I was being TARGETED!!

One time, I cracked the door open and my mom called my dog to get her to come in. I then saw my uncle´s shadow, and as my mom was calling the dog he started inching closer to the bathroom that was next to our room. He started grumbling, making sure we could hear it. It pissed me off because I didn´t wanna hear anything he had to say. He then went into the bathroom and closed the door. Luckily, our dog came inside the room with us. Later on, my uncle knocked on the door, and my mom had to let the dog go out of our bedroom again. Something you should know real quick. My mom closes the door normally, to where you can actually hear it. But me, being the shy individual I am, I close it softly and gently. And I found out that my uncle uses those sounds to tell who is coming out. Here´s how I know. I had to get something from the kitchen a while after the dog was let out of our room. I came outside, and as soon as I close the door and it makes noise. I hear my uncle start grumbling, saying ¨Stupid *****. Stupid *****...¨ Like he KNEW IT WAS ME! He knew it. That´s why he grumbled like that. He uses me as some kind of lightning rod to project all his anger into or something. Like, this kid will solve all my problems! Why aren´t my problems being solved? I need to grumble more towards him!

Now every time I would come out he would just grumble LOUDLY mumbo-jumbo towards me saying ¨??? STUPID! ??? STUPID! ???¨ Another time, he really pissed me off. My mom finished her dinner and went to take her plate outside to the kitchen. My uncle said nothing. But as soon as I go out to take my plate... ¨STOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHPPPP!!!!!¨ Like he really put emphasis on that one! He even had the angry gurgle in it towards the end. Like really uncle?? You stay silent with my mom when she takes her plate out. But when I do it, you yell at me?? **** you dude! No one did anything about him yelling that. But that´s only because he´s off his rocker.

I felt trapped. My life was hell living with that monster. I would go to school sad, and hopeless. I envied the other kids and thought, ¨They´re lucky. They didn´t have to go home to a mean uncle!¨ Even when I got home from school, and we would have the dog inside our bedroom. My uncle still knocked on our door. Like really? You had that dog all day long while I was at school. AND THAT´S NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?? Thank god the dog sleeps with us at night. But seriously, we can´t even have the dog at all. That stupid idiot of an uncle wants to hog it all to himself!! And he´s not even nice to the dog either! Whenever the dog would bark at people outside the window, my uncle would yell angrily, ¨STOP! COME HERE!! COME HERE!!¨ very very AGGRESSIVELY. Even the dog was afraid of him.

My mom was talking to my grandma one time, and she said, ¨He´s always rolling something... I told him ´you smoke´ and he said ´I don´t smoke!´ ¨ That disturbed me. He was a drug addict... That was why acted the way he did. I was genuinely in fear for my safety.

Now, something you should know about my uncle. He binge drinks soda, and he eats all the food. Now, one time me and my mom came home from grocery shopping, and we got one case of soda for ourselves. When we open the door we see my uncle standing there, staring at us with a weird smile. He always has that weird smile, and he is not all there. He did not react. I took the case of soda to our room, and put it under my bed. I thought to myself, ¨Oh ****, we´re screwed. That soda addict knows we have soda... Thank god he didn´t say anything.¨

So, get this. The next day when I come home from school. When my mom tries to open our bedroom door, guess what we found?... It was locked... Yep, that´s right. That ****er locked the door on us, to our own bedroom. That was his way at getting back at us for getting soda for ourselves. Just so you know, we only got soda for ourselves, and not for the house. But in our defense, my uncle drank soda like there was no tomorrow! My mom was pissed she shouted, ¨He locked the door on us! Stay out of my room!¨ I could see my uncle in the living room smirking, he got a bowl with food in it to celebrate. That really pissed me off. He was PROUD of what he did! I had my textbooks inside the bedroom, and I could no longer do my HOMEWORK! I actually cared about my grades! And he locked me away from them!

You wanna know what the worst part is? My grandma didn´t even care... See the thing about my grandma is that she only cares when it affects HER! My mom got a screwdriver and tried to pry the door open. My grandma got mad at her and said, ¨You´re gonna break the door going in that way! You need to call a locksmith.¨ Like wow. My grandma got my at my mom, and you know what else? She said NOTHING AT ALL to my UNCLE! Yes, she literally let my uncle GET AWAY WITH IT!! No help at all! It pissed me off even more to see my uncle eating more food with that ****-eating smirk on his face, showing he was proud of what he did to us. I can barely breath typing this, I wanna break down crying. It´s so hard to relive this experience... My mom eventually got a credit card and jimmied the door open with it, thank god.

To make matters worse... My mom started to notice things in her room were going missing. She realized that it happened every time me and her went out. Every time we left something goes missing. She then knew that my uncle was STEALING from us. Stealing out of our own room. We let that POS live with us and that´s how he treats us. My mom tried to tell my grandma, but she didn´t care. Please help me. I don´t want to remember all this. It´s too painful. But if I don´t tell you all this, then I will never get help for the pain I feel inside.

There is something that my uncle said that really crossed the line. When I came out of the bedroom, my mom was in the bedroom and my grandma in hers, my uncle was talking to someone who wasn´t even there. He was probably high. He said, ¨You see this kid? Yu-see this kid?? I can **** that kid up.¨ Like, okay, WHOA! That really crossed the line. He literally threatened to hurt a minor. He most likely thinks like that because i´m the only other male in the house and he sees me as COMPETITION! At first I was like whatever that´s just uncle being uncle, but one time me and my mom came home from the grocery store, and we had two cases of soda for our room and another two for the house, and I was holding two cases of soda to my side with one arm because I had a bag in my other hand. I saw my uncle have a look of shock disappointment and fear. He realized that I wasn´t as weak as I looked. That made me see what his true intentions were. He really did want to have the ability to **** me up. A few days later me and my mom had to go to the store again. One of the things my mom got was Muscle Milk, because apparently my uncle wanted to try it. That pissed me off because he was trying to build muscle because he was scared he might not be able to beat me in a fight. By the way you idiot (uncle), Muscle Milk only works if you lift. You´re just consuming useless calories that will turn into FAT because you don´t exercise. All you do is sleep, and eat all day. No exercise. So no, you did not build any muscle. Not at all.

I asked my mom if I could go back to doing karate, and she asked why. I just told her I wanted to do it again. She just said, ¨We´ll see...¨ But, she never enrolled me. I feared for my safety. You have this man in my home, who wants to beat me up just for being male, even though i´m a minor. So I decided to start looking up YouTube videos on how to fight. I started practicing the techniques. I literally got interested in MMA because some psycho who lived in my home wanted to beat me up! And I was only 16 at the time!

Also, another thing! Whenever my mom would buy us pizza. I would try to get more than one slice, I only eat 2 just so you know, and my uncle will start making noises to try and scare me away. That´s his way of saying he doesn´t want me eating more than one slice. Yet when I see him eating, he will have like 7 slices!! Yes, he will have almost an entire pizza on his plate! I can´t even have 2 slices, yet my uncle is over there with like a full on 8 slices on his plate. Wow! Seriously, we always get two pizzas, and in the same day, almost all of it will be gone! My uncle eats all the pizza, and he doesn´t want us to have any, even though my mom was the one who bought it!

Another time, my uncle was yelling claiming my mom stole his dollar. My mom was yelling back, ¨But you knew what it was for!¨ Apparently, my uncle gave them some money to buy us Chinese food, but now he wants the dollar back. My uncle had an air mattress at this point, and he was mashing it down with his feet to get the air out. When my mom walked passed him to go inside the bedroom, he said nothing. But when I walk past him he says something out of anger, ¨I have ???¨ Like he literally watched us and waited for me to come by just so he can grumble at me, because he knows I won´t say anything, due to my quiet nature.

While, at school one day I was listening to music with my earbuds, and a genius idea came to mind. What if I just block out my uncle´s yelling by blasting really loud music through my earbuds. I mean sure it may ruin my hearing, but hey, it sure beats listening to HIM right?? Better than the alternative! I felt a sense of peace and happiness. I wanted my uncle to leave, but I no longer felt it was an absolute necessity. I could just block him out with my earbuds. I thought to myself, ¨I´m so happy I don´t know what to say.¨

So every time I went outside the bedroom. I would hide my earbuds wire underneath my shirt, and put my phone in my pocket. I would then put in my earbuds and blast very loud music, that´s also very violent in nature to make sure that it can block out things. I then put it to the test, I walked out the bedroom with my method. I could barely hear my uncle! I could see him laying down while flailing his arms and legs around, but I BARELY HEARD HIM! I giggled in my head. It worked! Booyah! I was free!! Take that uncle! I went out the bedroom multiple times doing this, and I barely heard my uncle. I would just giggle to myself every time I saw my uncle flailing around. He was clueless as to how I was immune to his bullying. I would even go as far as to say that if he found out what I was doing, even HE would be impressed by the absolute creativity and genius I had come up with to block him out! Seriously, it was common sense and genius at the same time!

I felt like a kid in a candy store. I can go outside my bedroom as I pleased and not worry about hearing whatever my uncle had to say. However, that all changed when the horrible day happened... My grandma smiled at me one morning in the kitchen, my uncle was awake, and she saw my earbuds and asked, ¨You´re listening to Christian music?¨ I nodded yes, and she said, ¨That´s good.¨ That really made me uneasy because my uncle was awake and heard that. She literally BLEW MY COVER! Now my uncle knows how I was able to withstand all his yelling. Later that night, when I came out the bedroom he yelled louder than ever grumbling unintelligble nonsense saying, ¨??? STUPID! ???? ??? STUPID!¨ as if he were trying to power through my earbuds so I could hear him. It pissed me off because I could actually hear him that time. That pissed me off. I now had my cover blown, and no other way of blocking out my uncle. I decided to go out as much as possible that day to mess with my uncle. Sure it was hard being grumbled at, but I was mad.

Things weren´t all black and white though. I had visiting my dad twice a year to look forward to. I visited him one month in July and again during Christmas. Every time I visited my dad it was like taking a lung full of fresh air. It was so refreshing. The difference between living with my mom compared to my dad was like night and day. My dad treated me with respect, and genuinely cared about me. He taught me how the world worked, and raised me the RIGHT way. I felt a sense of innocence. I genuinely wanted to spend time with my dad. I never wanted to leave. I felt safe with him, and I actually had a bedroom of my own. I didn´t have to worry about being around someone like my uncle. I never told my dad about what was happening at my mom´s... I didn´t have the courage.

However, things were not all well. When I would come back to stay with my mom something happened. When I was in the car at the airport my my mom was in the driver´s seat and my grandma in the passenger´s seat. My mom asked me how my stay with my dad was and I said good. My mom told my grandma that my dad has a camaro. My grandma starts being a negative nancy and says, ¨It-It doesn´t make him look young.¨ Like really? He works hard, he deserves to have a nice car. Remember, he´s pretty much the reason you have a roof over your head since no one staying at my mom´s works. My mom gave my grandma a look of disdain. My mom continues to ask me about what I did at my dad´s. My grandma then says, ¨The house is always dirty over there, that´s why nobody wants to come visit.¨ Okay, NO! First of all, my dad has a very clean middle-class house in a nice neighborhood. Second, it´s my MOM´S place that´s the filthy one! My mom has a filthy apartment that´s cluttered. Not only that but my grandma, let alone my mom, never even saw my dad´s house! My mom muttered, ¨You´ve never been over there...¨ to my grandma. See what my grandma is doing? She sees that I get to live in a SAFE place with my dad, and actually get RAISED the right way so she immediately tries to RIP IT ALL AWAY!! She doesn´t want to see me be a good boy. She wanted me to SUFFER!! She sees me being around my dad and getting a break as a BAD THING! She only cares about HERSELF!

i asked if i could live with my dad during this time as well.

everytime I visit my dad I feel innocent and like im in heaven away from all the trouble

everytime i would come back from visiting my dad my grandma said ¨As I was saying!¨ and when we were in the car at the airport she said ¨Nobody ever wants to live there, because the house is always dirty.¨ even though his house is clean and the APARTMENT is dirty and my mom says he has a camaro my grandma says ¨It-It doesn´t make him look young...¨ its like kyle and grandma try to be even worse as if trying to rip my dad away from me. It´s like, if we´re suffering, you better be suffering too!

Not only that, but the next day when me and my mom went out, we came back home and my grandma was complaining to my uncle. Then my grandma angrily says, ¨As I was saying!¨ just because we opened the door. I swear she gets so jealous when I get to stay with my dad. I didn´t deserve to stay with my dad. That should´ve been HER staying with him in safety. That was her mindset.

Another thing that pisses me off, every time I come back from staying with my dad my mom always asks me, ¨How much money you got?¨ Like really? She always asks that without fail! Then whenever my dad sends a birthday card in the mail my mom literally just stands there and waits for me to open it. She always wants to know if I got any money with the card. My mom is so MONEY HUNGRY I swear! It´s like i´m nothing more than an ATM machine to her!

Now this part is half funny, and half infuriating. My uncle was arguing with my grandma, okay? So my uncle shouts, ¨I hate it here! I don´t like living here!¨ Then my grandma says, ¨So why don´t you just go live somewhere else? Go live at [My Aunt´s] house!¨ Then my uncle shouts, ¨I don´t wanna live at [My Aunt´s] house!¨ My grandma then says, ¨Then go live back at where you were before!¨ Then my uncle shouts, ¨I don´t wanna live over there!¨ My grandma then says he should leave if he doesn´t like it here. My uncle shouts, ¨YOU´RE SICK! YOU´RE SICK!¨ Like, you are a GROWN MAN! You say you hate it here, yet you actively CHOOSE to STAY! Really?? Heck, one time I even heard him grumbling to an invisible person saying, ¨I had to stay with that ***** for 2 months.¨ Like what you mean you ¨HAD¨ to stay?? Nobody´s forcing you to stay here!! YOU chose to do that! You are a grown man! You can leave if you want!

I couldn´t even shower. Whenever I would shower, about 10 minutes later after I hopped in, my uncle would knock on the door. I would call out, ¨Yeah?¨ but he never answered. I then decided to get out, and go back in the bedroom. He never even used the bathroom. He even did it to my mom. When my mom would get in the shower, about 10 minutes later my uncle would knock on the door. My mom would get out and come back into the bedroom. My uncle didn´t even use the bathroom. He seriously doesn´t even want us taking showers! What the heck man! We were prisoners in our own home.

I even told my mom at one point, again, that I wanted to live with my dad. I seriously did not want to live with her anymore because I genuinely feared for my safety. My mom asked me, ¨Why?¨ and said, ¨Can you wait?¨, and lets not forget, ¨But you can visit him in July.¨ She completely deflected the issue. She wants me to stay so she can get child support, because that´s her main source of income. Her only job is taking care of my grandma, but it doesn´t pay much. So I had to stay in that environment, because she couldn´t get a job. Unbelievable. Some mother she is!

The major thing I noticed, however, was the atmosphere... I noticed the atmosphere felt so much LIGHTER, and easy-going. You see, when my uncle was in our apartment, the atmosphere felt HEAVY. Like you could feel the absolute suspense, dread, depression, and danger in the atmosphere. It was heavy and made you sick to your stomach. Even my grandma noticed this and said, ¨The place feels so much lighter. The atmosphere felt so heavy when he was here." My mom then said, ¨Stoooop. Stooop. I could hear him all the way in the bedroom.¨ It was a beautiful feeling, a sense of liberation. We were finally free from the CURSE that was my uncle. I vowed to appreciate the freedom I had from then on, because I would remember what it was like living around my uncle.

My grandma said, ¨They came and took him to the hospital. He wasn´t answering their questions.¨ Yeah, probably because he wants to stay here and make us suffer, so he probably thought that by not answering the questions he could try and jimmy his way into staying here. My grandma then laughed light-heartedly and said, ¨I told them I don´t want him back here. I told them not to bring him back.¨ I cheered on the inside, he was gone for GOOD! YES! FREEDOM AT LAST!!

A while later we find out that my uncle had drugs on him. My mom said, ¨I wonder what drugs they found.¨ My grandma then told me, ¨Never do drugs. Now you know what could happen. His whole life he´s been doing them, and look what happened. They´re mind is not there. My friend´s brother in-law never did drugs in his life, and he tried them once, only ONCE, and now he´s in a group home. And he never did drugs before in his life and only ONCE he tried it. Now you know what could happen. Don´t ever do drugs.¨

My grandma then told my mom, ¨The police officer said not to have him over here.¨ Apparently the hospital wanted to kick out my uncle because he was being very rude to staff, and causing a scene. It was as if that was his way of saying ¨Put me back in there! Put me back in that apartment! That´s MY apartment! Now that stupid kid´s gonna get to be around that dog!¨ My grandma practically had to fight with the hospital to keep my uncle put there until we could get him back in a group home. I heard my grandma say, ¨80 years... 80 years old I am... I can´t do this anymore.¨ on the phone. My grandma told my mom, ¨This isn´t going to work... I´m short. And the people I pay to take care of him aren´t gonna wait. They´re not gonna wait.¨

So my uncle ended up staying at my grandma´s friend´s house, but her friend said that she couldn´t deal with him for long because he yells at her when he gets mad. But in the end, things worked out. My uncle got put back into a group home, and he is no longer living with us for good. We are free now, and I am grateful for that.

So a while later my mom´s car has a serious issue, it was an old Camry. I don´t remember exactly what it was, but it was major. And around the time we were trying to find a way to get it fixed, I told my mom I wanted to live with my dad. It seemed that when I was with my mom everything would be about drama. My mom and grandma argued often. I didn´t want to be around all that drama. My mom told me I had to wait until we got the car fixed. She basically wanted to use the CHILD SUPPORT to FIX A CAR. Hmpf, wow. I told my dad about the situation and he said, ¨Yeah it´s not for that... You don´t own that car.¨ and that I shouldn´t have to worry about that sort of stuff. My mom is a child support abuser.

Fast forward later, and i´m struggling in school. My mom asks me if I want to try homeschooling, and I agree to try it. She said that there was this program called K12 that was really good. So I agreed to it. I received all the supplies in the mail, and a school laptop that I had to return when done with the school. I enjoyed doing the program, and it was quite easy, AT FIRST.

However, as time went on that´s when I started to struggle. I then realized that K12 was just as bad as a brick and mortar school, if not, WORSE! The thing about them is that they give you an unbelievable amount of work per day, and they have due dates. Plus they even assign work on weekends, AND HOLIDAYS. I got behind on my work, and I struggled to catch up because of the assignment system that they have. It felt like they were burying me in work, and not letting me get up to catch my breath!

Something you should know about K12, is that the parent is supposed to be helping their child through the work. But no, my mom didn´t do that at all. She just checks in and says she did it, and sees if I did the work. No help at all. She gets mad at me when my teachers say I didn´t do the work. Like how can I with a stupid idiotic system that buries you in work? Like seriously mom, start HELPING me instead of getting MAD!

Another thing that really bothered me, my mom would constantly go to my aunt´s house every night to go out an PLAY! While I slaved away at my school work. I told my mom I wanted to go back to regular school and she agreed to try and get me enrolled back in it. I even told her how K12 buries you in work, and that it was impossible to catch up. She then said she understood and would get me back in regular school. But get this, every time my mom came back home from my aunt´s she would see that I have missing assignments and then she would scold me and say I had to do my work! EVEN THOUGH I TOLD HER IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE! She did that every night: go out and play, come back, scold me. I hated it so freaking much. She should´ve been helping me, but instead she went out and played. Then she felt like she had the right, she seriously felt like she had the right to get mad at me, when she didn´t even bother to help me. My mom failed at being a parent.

Fast forward a few years later... I´m going to become a Junior in school next year, at the time of course. So I go to visit my dad for the whole month of July. He reveals to me that he got me a first car, but in order for me to drive it I have to take my Driver´s Test. So my grandpa comes over to visit for the summer to help teach me drive. I would be taking the driver´s test at the end of the month. Now let me tell you, my dad and grandpa helped teach me drive, but as time went on they became harder and harder on me because the test date was getting closer. As a new driver it was frustrating. In the end, I passed the driver´s test and me and my grandpa had to drive the car back home to where my mom is, and my dad provided money for us. My grandpa would fly back home to where he lives. I was excited to get that car, it was something of my OWN, that I was proud of... Now, at the time my mom was going to school to become a nurse. She went to a school near our apartment so it was good. My mom had her own car that she used.

So here´s where the problem starts. My grandma told me to park my car (at the apartment we parallel park on the street, or in our CRAMPED garage. it was a low-budgeted apartment.) outside to save a spot for my mom because it´s ¨not fair¨ that she comes home and there´s no parking. I mean yeah, I get the logic behind that, but isn´t that kind of taking ADVANTAGE of MY car? Like isn´t that just using me? As a matter of fact my mom left in the morning to go to school, and one time my grandma was knocking on my door at 7 AM IN THE MORNING, which I was asleep, and said I had to park my car outside. (I usually kept it in the garage to keep it clean.) That pissed me off. She woke me up early in the morning just to meet the needs of that ***** I call a ¨mom¨. You know, it seems to me like I´VE been taking care of HER the entire time. I have little to no parenting in my life at all! It´s always about my mom. Everything caters to HER!

Okay, so fast forward MUCH LATER. I am now a senior. I now attend a charter school where you do these work packets called ¨Credits¨ and you need to turn in two a week. However, the packets are LOOOONG. There is a lot of work in them. So I have like 30 credits left to turn in before I graduate. If I don´t turn in credits it pushes my graduation further away, now i´m telling you this for a reason, you will see why later. So my mom graduated from her school, she completed high school. It was a community college.

My mom´s car had to be sold due to a massive oil leak, this car was a different one still an old Camry but different. So we had to use my car. Well, I had the fabulous idea of stripping down the interior of my car to make it go faster. I did not have a job at the time. I would put the interior back in when I was done with it. I took the back seat out. It was two-piece, one part was the back-rest and the other was the part you sit on. So I put all the interior parts inside the garage. I test drive my car and I notice a huge difference. It felt much lighter and zippier. When i´m done having fun, I put the interior back inside my car. When I go back inside the apartment, and inside my room. (I stay in my room all day long because i´m very anti-social. I know i´m talking forever but I carry A LOT of pain inside.) My mom comes in and smiles then asks me, ¨What were you doing with the back-seat?¨ I just say that I was cleaning it, and my mom leaves it at that.

So me and my mom went to see the movie ¨Joker¨, okay, so a few days afterward I decide that I want to get a ¨0-60 time¨ of my car at night with a stripped interior. I like to do the acceleration test at night because nobody is around, and I have plenty of breathing room. So one day it´s starting to get dark outside, and I decided to make my move. I strip down the interior of my car, and go back inside the apartment. I was planning on doing the acceleration run in the middle of the night, around 2 AM, when my mom was asleep. So later on in the night, my mom comes into our bedroom after walking the dog. She asks me, ¨What happened to your car?¨ I ask her, ¨What?¨ She then says, ¨What happened to the seat?¨ I then realize that my cover was blown. She found out what I did. I was pissed. There was no reason for her to know what was in that car. My car has tinted windows so the only way she could have seen what was in there is if she deliberately unlocked it, went inside, and LOOKED. She was being nosey, like she always is! I just tell her I was cleaning the seat. After going back and forth with her questioning, she finally accepts that I was ¨just cleaning the seat¨. She then says, ¨Oh, i´ve just never saw it that way before. The trunk liner was gone too.¨ I just roll my eyes mentally. She was such a drama queen. A stripped interior provides better performance and fuel economy. And if you´re curious, I did the acceleration run. The car was only HALF a second faster on the 0-60.

However, I felt violated. That was MY car, and she was trying to dictate what I could and could not do with it! I mean seriously, I had to literally go through rigorous driving practice with my dad and grandpa, who were VERY HARD on me, pass a driving test on the FIRST TRY, and DRIVE all the way back to my mom! Just to GET that car! And here my mom is, acting like she owns the thing, when she did nothing to earn it. She didn´t have to go through what I went through. I WORKED for that car! My mom did not.

So I put the interior back inside my car, and all is well. However, me still being bitter at my mom´s attitude, I decided to remove the rear seat cushion, and nothing else. Just to mess with her. So me and my mom have to go to Walmart, and she freaks out at me because I took out the rear seat cushion. My mom says, ¨Why are you taking your car apart??¨ and ¨You´re dad´s not gonna like that, he bought it so you can take care of it, not destroy it.¨ Like seriously? How DARE my mom say that? She really had the nerve to tell me something like that? Just repeating, ¨Your dad´s not gonna like that...¨ Like who cares? It´s MY car, I can do what I want with it. It felt much faster anyways with a stripped interior.

So, a few days later my mom goes to my aunt´s house at night. I have to stay home. So, i´m in my room bored, and I see my mom´s tablet sitting on her bed. I immediately feel like I lost control of myself, like I was now a puppet. I literally felt like I was possessed or something. I grabbed the tablet, and just started tapping the back of it on the corner of the big tube-TV we had in our bedroom. I then turn the screen on and start tapping harder. Like, I don´t know why I did it, I literally just zoned out and just started doing things for no reason. Almost as if my sub-conscious took control. I tapped so hard that it made a long crack across the middle of the screen. I panicked a little, but felt compelled to just finish the tablet off. I flipped the tablet over, and slammed the screen into the corner of the TV harder, over-and-over again. The screen was now obliterated. Sometimes I think i´m too broken for this world. I then snap out of it and realize what I had done. I decide to hide the tablet inside my backpack, and get rid of it the next day. I get a meat-tenderizer because I wanted to use it that night to try and pry off the door panels on my car using the handle. It would help reduce weight.

My mom came home, and she saw the meat-tenderizer on my bed, and she laughs and asks, ¨Why do you have the meat tenderizer?¨ I then say I don´t know. The meat tenderizer was on my bed. Later on that night, when my mom came in the bedroom to go to bed, she was looking for her tablet, and she asked me, ¨[My Name], have you seen my tablet?¨ I tell her no, and she asks if i´m sure, and I say yes. My mom eventually gives up on finding it for the night.

The next day I have to go to school. My charter school requires us to attend at least twice a week. So, I pretend to go to school. I get in my car, and drive to a park. I then feel enraged that my mom told me not to ¨destroy¨ my car, and act like i´m a bad owner. I sit on a bench, and place the tablet on the ground. I make sure the screen is facing up, and I start stomping on the screen as hard as I can. I then flip the tablet over, and scrape it across the ground, on the screen. I then shove the tablet inside a trash can, and hide it well. I then drive home, park my car, and go to school. The school is next to my apartment, just so you know.

So as time goes on, my mom becomes frustrated that she can´t find her tablet. She then gets mad at me and yells, ¨What did you do with my tablet?!?!¨ I then say I hadn´t seen it. She then says, ¨You did something with it.¨ Then she says, ¨Is that why you had the meat tenderizer? Did you break it??¨ I say no. Then the we go back and forth with it, and she eventually says, ¨Ever since the movie Joker you´ve been acting different. Is that why you´re acting this way?¨ HAHAHAAHAHHAA! WHAT??? NO!! Did you just seriously blame a MOVIE on your son´s bad behavior, let alone, JOKER??? REALLY??? You get what you deserve! But honestly mom, the reason I did that was because I zoned out, and lost control of my actions. I had no motive behind it. I literally just did it for NO REASON. She would rather blame a MOVIE, than accept personal responsibility for her bad parenting. She then says something that made my blood boil... She told me, ¨You don´t deserve to have your own car... ¨ That really infuriated me. Cars are a passion for me, and to me, my car is the greatest thing since sliced bread. The fact that she had the AUDACITY to tell me something like that pissed me off. My mom doesn´t even take care of her own car, she keeps it dirty and RARELY changes the oil! Yet she somehow feels she has the right to tell ME what to do with MY car? Sheesh. My mom then says, ¨I´m telling your dad what you did.¨ Like I felt a little scared at that point, but also mad. The universe possesses me, makes me destroy the tablet, and now it uses my mom to play the victim card?? Really? I feel that something makes me do bad things, and then blames me for them when i´m not in my right state of mind. It pisses me off. I feel that the universe tries to paint me as the bad guy, and my mom as this perfect little angel who can do no wrong.

Later that day, my mom had to go to my aunt´s house again, and she told me, ¨And don´t destroy anything while i´m gone.¨ When my mom leaves, I start finding a way to get back at her. There is a bedside table in our bedroom, and it´s cluttered with junk. I go to the bedside table, and shove all the junk onto the floor, and knock a plastic fan to the ground. I thought to myself, ¨Well, it was dirty. So I guess I cleaned it off! There! It´s clean now!¨ I also saw my mom´s essential oil emitter, so I took out the batteries, no longer feeling like myself, and thought, ¨Cool! I just found batteries!¨ I then take a screw driver and tear apart the emitter. I then hide the remains in my backpack, and keep the batteries for myself. When my mom returned, she tried being nice to me at first, I guess to try and forgive and forget, but she then sees what I did to the table, and she starts freaking out at me. My mom says, ¨What happened here?? Why do you keep destroying things? You´ve been acting different ever since you saw Joker.¨ I thought to myself, ¨So ungrateful... Didn´t even notice that I cleaned off the table.¨ My mom then says, ¨What happened to my essential oils? Where did it go?¨ I then say I don´t know. She then goes on to say, ¨If you keep doing that, i´m gonna call the police and have you arrested.¨ WHOA! Really? See how weak of a parent she is? She would rather have LAW ENFORCEMENT deal with me, rather than step up and be a parent. PROOF she does NOT actually care about me. I´ve said it once, and i´ll say it again, she only wants child support money. Don´t act like how I want you to act? Okay, let me call the police on you and have you arrested, destroying your educational opportunity even though I know your about to graduate high school. My mom then says, ¨You´re gonna be like your uncle... Somebody´s gonna have to come and take you away. I don´t want you to be like your uncle... You´re better than that, your uncle´s just, koo-koo.¨

When my mom leaves the room, I put her in her place and text her, ¨The fact that you mock the mentally ill is disgusting. I hope you two never get back together.¨ My dad recently divorced my stepmom because she was an alcoholic and had a very bad odor. My dad said he wants to try to get back together with my mom. My mom then comes back into my room in damage-control mode, and says, ¨You thought I was mocking them? I´m not mocking them... I would never mock them.¨ In the most soft and fake saccharine voice of all time. She then says, ¨Because I know what it´s like to be mocked. Some of them don´t even know they´re sick.¨ I mentally roll my eyes. Yeah yeah *****, I know what you were really doing, not only do you take advantage of the system, but you also hate the mentally ill. Screw off. I never forgave her for what she said about the mentally ill. She then shows she only cares about herself by saying, ¨You don´t want me and your dad to get back together?¨ I then tell her no. She says, ¨Why?¨ I ignore her, and don´t answer. She keeps asking the same question, and every time I tell her no. I know she was mocking the mentally ill because she literally called my uncle, ¨koo-koo¨. If that isn´t mocking, then I don´t know what is. She only said she wasn´t mocking them when I called her out on her BS.

I often have emotional break-downs when alone, and think to myself, ¨I can´t tell what´s right and wrong anymore!¨ Due to my lack of parenting. I am lost in this world. I wonder if I can even make it on my own...

The day after, my mom goes out in the morning to my aunt´s house. I was still boiling mad about her saying, ¨You don´t deserve to have your own car.¨ That is by-far the WORST thing you could tell a car enthusiast. So, I went inside the garage, and find a rusty old car jack. The garages at the apartment were made of wood, just so you know. I picked up the handle for the jack, that had rusted off. I closed the garage door, and the interior was lit by the outside light that seeped through the cracks. It actually lit pretty well, believe it or not. I remembered what my mom told me, to build up my rage. I then swung the handle at a wall, putting all my rage and frustration into the swing. It left a gash in the wall. I kept remembering things my mom said, and swinging at the wall. I then kept repeating the memory of my mom telling me, ¨You don´t deserve to have your own car.¨ over-and-over again in my head to fuel my rage. I kept taking hard swings at the walls every time the memory repeated. I left huge gashes, and took out pieces of the walls. I then decide I was still pissed off beyond belief, and it wasn´t enough. I then decide to make a HOLE in the wall. I then start swinging at one spot on the wall, non-stop, just working away at it with rage. I did so much damage that a small bit of the jack handle broke off. I eventually ate away at the wall enough to create a hole. I could see into someone else´s garage. I saw a metal shelf with various supplies on it, and just a bunch of junk in their garage. The floor in MY garage was covered in wood pieces. There were black marks all over the walls, and even the garage door from where I had been swinging. I then started to panic because I knew I had to find a way to cover up that hole.

I had brought my backpack with me into the garage because I was supposed to be in school, but I had decided to ditch that day. I took out a piece of paper, and duct taped it over the hole. I tape other pieces of paper over the hole. I then make a nice square around the area with duct tape, and cover it all up. Leaving behind a neat gray square made of duct tape. I open the garage door, and clean up all the wood pieces, throwing them into a dumpster. Lucky for me I had changed the lock on the garage door.

Now let me tell you why I changed the lock. When we all had to use MY car, I would sometimes park in the garage. I was also looking into temp agency work. I would park in the garage at night to save my car so I could go to the temp agency. The garage had a lock my mom put on it at the time. She would always ask me to take my car out of the garage, because it was narrow, whenever she needed to use it. However, one day I get to the garage and I see her under the hood of my car, with it running, checking the fluids. She was about to take off with it WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. Yes, she was about to drive off without even asking me first. I was going to the temp agency on that day, but apparently my mom thinks she is of a higher priority than me. When I told her I needed to go to the temp agency, she wanted to come too, and then drop me off at home afterwards. It was so annoying that she has to get all in my business. I like a little privacy. I eventually changed the lock and put my own on it. So now my mom had to ask for my permission first, before she could use my car.

At the moment right now, my mom has her own car, thank god. However she still tries to act like she owns MY CAR. Like, if I park away from the house on another block, she will literally move my car in-front of the house to where she can see it. Plus she also parks her car as close as she can to my car. One time I was using spray-can plasti-dip on my car AT NIGHT when I said I just had to get something from the store. My mom comes out walking the dog, and she immediately gravitates towards me, and asks me, ¨What are you doing to the car?¨ I say nothing. She then asks, ¨Why are you spraying it?¨ I then ignore her. She then asks, ¨Does it come off?¨ I then explain to her that it´s plasti-dip, and it peels off. She then continues to hover around, and question me. Like she is so NOSEY! She can´t even mind her own business.

One time when I was visiting my dad, when I was a Junior in normal high school, I asked him if I could live with him. You wanna know what he told me? My dad said, ¨Why? What made you wanna live over here?¨ I then told him I just wanted to live with him. He then says, ¨Yeah but you´re almost finished with school, and you have all your friends over there. You don´t wanna mess that up, right?¨ My dad continues, ¨You don´t wanna hurt your mom, right? Because shes been good to you. I mean, if she wasn´t, I would be like ´oh no don´t live over there´ but she was good to you, right? You don´t wanna hurt her.¨ I then said no. He then says, ¨Yeah, you don´t wanna hurt her.¨ Like wow. You know, every time I visited him in the past he and my stepmom would always ask, ¨Why do you like staying over there?¨ trying to see why I like living with my mom. WITHOUT FAIL. And other questions like that. BUT NO, now that I actually wanna stay with him, he says I should stay with my mom because i´m about to finish school. He TURNED ME AWAY! What a joke! I´m literally going into the real world, and I barely spent any time with my dad. Seriously, 2 months every year is NOT enough time, compared to me staying with my mom the rest of the time. My mom does NOT raise me at all, she doesn´t talk to me like my dad does about how the world works. My mom only cares if I do something bad. That really made my heart sink what my dad said... I was too late to get his help, his maternal love... And it was all my mom´s fault... All because she wanted a child support paycheck....

I am very childish for my age, i´m 19, and I often read fanfictions about maternal love to help me cope with the pain. I like to imagine myself being a child again, and receiving all that maternal love. How it would feel to have everyone fussing over you, and giving you maternal love, the love of a parent. I only watch cartoons, and refuse to watch things adults watch. I often watch anime, but I prefer cartoons.

I usually don´t do my work in school because at first I was busy trying to find a job. I then settled on doing things like Doordash eventually. My teacher would notify my mom that i´m not turning in my work, and my mom would say, ¨You need to turn in your work.¨ But, now ever since my dad told my mom he wants to get back together with her, my mom has really been on me about doing my work. One time I didn´t turn in work for four weeks, and my mom lectured me about how, ¨It´s almost the end of the school year... You have to take it seriously. You can´t mess around during this time. You have to turn in your work.¨ I then tell her, ¨I know.¨ But I guess that wasn´t the answer she wanted and she goes, ¨[My Name]! You have to turn in your work!¨ She´s only putting in that energy now so she can live with my dad. Seriously, she keeps asking me, ¨You´d like it if me and your dad got back together?¨ I then tell her ¨no¨, every time then she would ask why. Like seriously she does not care about me. She´s only freaking out because she wants to run back to my dad.

To make matters worse, I got in contact with a Navy recruiter a long time ago to get into the Navy when I graduate. My dad apparently has the pink slip to my car! Meaning that the car was always HIS, and apparently this was because he was going to wait until I got into the Navy to give me the pink slip. Okay, let me tell you why this is a big deal. When I was learning how to drive, it was in that car, I even took the test in that car. My dad said that I could have it if I passed. Well, I PASSED, but no, apparently I need to now go into the Navy to get the PINK SLIP, which means i´m not even the owner of the car. Like, when I was destroying stuff my mom said, ¨Break your own stuff... except your car, because you dad got you that.¨ I love how she makes that little exception, to say, that car is not really yours!

So here´s my current situation... My dad wants to attend my graduation. I told him I would graduate in July... Well, it´s now September, and he texted me asking if everything is okay in school. I told him yes. He then texts me to let him know when I graduate. I had to sign up for a new school year at my school, to continue attending. I only have 30 more packets to turn in, which is not a lot, then i´ll be able to graduate. Well, i´m feeling pressured because I have to join the Navy after school, and my dad wants to attend my graduation, which was supposed to be in July... To make matters worse, the parking situation at the apartment has gotten frantic. Many people stay home most of the time, and it´s gotten harder to find parking. When that happens, my mom asks me if I want to just park it in the garage, I then say, ¨I lost the key.¨ to deflect the question. She then gets upset and says, ¨I had a lock. I don´t know why you changed it.¨ She would then have to park on another block. That happened several times, and it was annoying to deal with. She was so upset that she almost got us hit by a car when pulling out from a stop sign, and both sides had their view obstructed by parked cars. The car that almost hit us was honking like a maniac.

Well, I guess this is how it really is now... I just get pushed out into the world, with little to no parenting. And I now have a dad who just wants me to become independent now, so he can get on with his life. My mom USED ME! She purposefully kept me away from my father because she couldn´t get a real job, so she could continue to receive child support checks. My mind is broken. I haven´t even done my schoolwork ever since I started typing this. This took me several days to type all out, but I need people to know my story. I need them to know my mom isn´t the innocent little female she appears to be. She RUINED me. She DESTROYED me. I´m nothing more than an air-headed adult now who knows little to nothing about how the world works.

I suffer from severe depression. I often break down crying when i´m alone in my room, and often sleep throughout the day. I have no energy to do anything. I just feel deep sadness, and emptiness inside. You know, I was actually trying to avoid typing this all out, because I was SCARED. I was scared to face the emotions, and ugliness inside. I often play warfare mobile games on my phone like World of Tanks Blitz, to avoid facing my issues. But when I play those games, I become numb inside, my depression goes away, and I have this deep sense of PRIDE; HOWEVER, I am addicted to the games to the point I spend all day on them, and when I stop playing them I start to become depressed again, feeling empty inside. My theory on why that happens is that the game gives me a sense of ¨fighting¨ and when I win a battle that makes me feel like I defeated something holding me back.

I also noticed something disturbing about myself. Ever since I felt this severe depression, I´ve been getting flashes of this SEVERE ANGER, like if I see a video online that makes me upset, it could even be something small that isn´t even a big deal, I will feel this boiling hot anger inside to the point I wanna become violent and do unspeakable things. Another thing, when i´m depressed I lay in bed all day and watch GORE VIDEOS online. I´ve found it was the only thing I felt like watching, and it was the only thing stopping me from running back to the video games. The video games scare me, because I get REALLY ADDICTED to them, to the point I can barely pull away from them. It scares me because I feel like if I play them, I well become filled with pride, and never seek the help I need. I managed to stop playing the video games for about 3 days, and I felt the severe depression. When I played them, it gave me a sense of comfort and security. It made the pain go away. But when I stopped playing them, I felt so vulnerable, so defenseless. I felt trapped. Powerless.

What made me discover this about myself was surprisingly accidental. Lately, the video games had consumed my life, and I became so addicted that it was cutting into my schoolwork. So I decided to try and quit, but I noticed when I did, that I would feel empty inside and gloomy. So I would go back to playing, and I would feel happy again. But when I quit for a few days, I developed this severe depression, and I didn´t know why. I soon discovered that it was my parent´s divorce that was the root of it all.

Now, I´ve never cried or ¨reacted¨ to the divorce at first. I actually just went with the flow at first. But now, in the present, I´ve come to realize, that I really was affected by the divorce. More than I realized. I´m scared to go out into the world independently because I feel so unprepared. I feel like i´m still a child. It just isn´t fair. So there you have it, my mom used me but never raised me, and my dad wants me to hurry up and graduate so I can go into the Navy. The worst part is I barely got time to actually be raised by my dad, let alone live with him... Sometimes in life, there are not always happy endings...
p, li { white-space: pre-wrap; }

Welcome to Psych Central

Welcome @PossessedLunarK9; First off I wanted to validate your feelings, your truth and your experiences. There are some things I wanted to share and I do not want you to think I do not support you. I read your whole post so I will just quote some things and share my thoughts. You dont have to agree they are just some musings I had.

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Originally Posted by PossessedLunarK9 So, one day my mom gets a call from my dad. My mom asks me who I want to live with. I was a bit annoyed by this because I didn´t feel like choosing at the time because I just wanted to watch cartoons. I told my mom I wanted to do it later, but she said, ¨No! You have to do it now.¨ I asked her, ¨Do I have to?¨ and she says, ¨Yes, it has to be now.¨ I then make a quick decision and say I want to live with... my mom. I chose her because she was the easy-going one, and my dad was the serious type. I thought she was talking about visiting, and I didn´t understand what the big deal was. Dad... I didn´t mean it. I didn´t understand at the time.

This was so unfair. It is not right to expect a child to choose a parent, The parents should work together towards a solution that is most beneficial to the child, Its not your fault.

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After I chose, after a while, my mom said we were going to live with my aunt. We were going to have to travel to another state. We packed all our stuff, and flew over to the state where my aunt lives. We lived with my aunt for a couple of years, and then we finally got our own apartment in the same state. Fast forward to where all my real grievances against that stupid fat b**** I call a ¨mom¨ has done to me. I realized I had chosen wrong, and my dad is actually a pretty okay dude! Okay, deep breath, you too whoever´s reading this, what you are about to read is disturbing.

Your dad should have contested you moving out of state. It is not fair to you or him to be so far away. In many states it is illegal to move a child that far away.

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My mom uses me as an ATM machine. Yes. You heard that right. She is greedy. She takes the child support money and spends it on herself, and uses it to pay rent for the apartment. She gets paid to take care of my grandma, who lives with us, but not a lot. Whenever my grandma gives me allowance for taking out the trash, my mom always wants it. Like for example, we were at the DMV one time, and she needed $20 to pay for something, and asks me if I have $20, but I had already spent it. I told her no, and she says ¨Shoot... Darn it.¨ Oh, here´s another TIME! I had purchased a brass knuckle off the internet. Now here´s another thing that makes my skin crawl... She always wants to know what I ordered online, even though I paid for it! Just being nosey. She found out I purchased a brass knuckle and she questions me saying, ¨What´s that for?¨ and I just say it was something from a movie. The truth is it was for self-defense for emergencies, but I didn´t tell her that. Now, we go to a grocery store, and she asks me if I have any money left. I tell her no, and she immediately starts panicking and says, ¨What happened to it all? How much did that knuckle thing cost?¨ OKAY, WHOA! I bought the brass knuckle with my ALLOWANCE. And she certainly has NO RIGHT to question me about what I purchased online! She was gonna use that money to buy groceries, because she kept spending the food stamps on frilly things like cake and stuff. I mean I get we need food, but it was my money. I don´t get how she can be mad at me because I spent my ALLOWANCE. I´m not an ATM machine! She literally uses me as a wallet, that´s all I am to her... A WALLET! Not a person. A wallet.

Child support is meant to support the child- housing. food, heat clothes. As long as you had those things I dont see it as her spending it on herself. I do not think it was right for her to take your allowance. It is one thing if she sat you down and explained the hardship and asked if you would mind helping her. And in that case she should just ask your grandma for the money, not take it from you or put you on the spot at the grocery store. I do think she has a right to ask about your internet purchases. Not restrict them but ask about them,. In many states brass knuckles are against the law and if you were to use them it would be a felony.

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Seriously, whenever I ask her for $20 allowance (grandma gives me $20, just so you know) she gets uneasy, and tries to dodge the question by saying things like, ¨We´ll see...¨, but she never gives it to me. Now, I know what you´re thinking... I´m being a little greedy myself here, but let me explain why. You see, I was around 15 years old at the time and I had already realized my parents were divorced. I had also realized my dad was cheating, but I never said anything. When I was visiting my dad for a month during the summer, he told me that the child support money should all be going to ME, and that it was MY money. Yeah, all that child support was supposed to be mine, but instead my ¨mom¨ pocketed it all. Also, she doesn´t even raise me. She only cares when I do something wrong, but never actually talks to me. I can´t even have $20 of it! Oh, and by the way, my mom receives over $868 in child support A MONTH!! A huge $800 paycheck for doing nothing at all! I wish I could get a check like that for doing nothing!

Like I said, unless you were going without food, car insurance, clothes, heat or housing she technically has a right to spend that money on those things. But since she takes your other money I can see why it upsets you.

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A couple of days later I decide to start packing a suitcase inside my bedroom. My mom asks, ¨What are you doing?¨ I tell her i´m going to live with my dad. She then says, ¨No, you have to stay here.¨ I just ignore her and keep packing. She then says, ¨[My Name] your scaring me!¨ When she finally leaves the room I lock the door to keep her out. She comes back again and tries opening the door. She says, ¨[My Name] open the door!¨ I ignore her, and she keeps telling me to open the door. After a while, she starts unscrewing the door-knob, taking it apart, trying to break in. That infuriated me, because she was invading my privacy. It made me feel like a prisoner, like I was her property. After a while she finally gets the door open. She has tears in her eyes, and that pisses me off, she wasn´t no victim. If anything me and my dad were the real victims! She then asks, ¨Can I have a hug?¨ I ignore her. She then says, ¨Please?¨ She then sits on the bed with me, and tries to get closer to me. I move away. She gets closer. I tell her not to touch me. But she then tries to reach out for me, trying to pull me into a hug. I move away and grab a blunt object. I was ready to hit her if she even laid a finger on me. She laughs a little and asks, ¨What´s wrong?¨ I then say, ¨I don´t want to be touched.¨ She then has the nerve to ask me, ¨Why are you so angry?¨ I´m thinking to myself, like really?? You are really that oblivious? After all you´ve done to me? YOU KEPT ME AWAY FROM MY FATHER MY WHOLE LIFE!! I then threaten to call CPS if she touches me. She then touches me and tries to pull me into a hug. I then jump off the bed, and run to the bathroom. I then close and lock the door. I then PRETEND to be on a phone call to try and scare her

No matter how angry you were it is not ok to threaten to call cps. You would have been removed and put into a group home to keep you in the state. CPS is for abused children and mandatory reporters it is not a number to be used as revenge, whether or not you are angry. You deserve to control your body and who touches you though.

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Another thing my mom would do is she would try to win me over by taking me to the movies, and stuff like that. As if it would make up for what she put me through. I decided to start being mean to my mom to punish her. I don´t remember everything I did, but I would ignore her when she was trying to talk to me, and I would break her things. Stuff like that. But, there is one incident at that made my blood boil...

being mean is not an effective way to make your feelings known. I wish you had been able to notify a school counselor and ask for therapy so you would have a safe, supportive environment to tell your mom how you feel. Being mean might give you temporary pleasure but in the long run it takes a lot of energy to keep being mean and doesnt change the situation.

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We went to a do-it-yourself type of car wash because my dumb mom wanted to bond with me. I really do not want a relationship with her anymore after seeing how self-absorbed she really is. So, at the car wash. I refuse to help my mom because I was pissed at her, since she wouldn´t let me live with my dad. And I see this white pickup truck finding a bay to wait at, I see it move towards the bay beside us, but no, it fu-freaking chooses OUR BAY to wait at!! I think, ¨Okay, no big deal. A little awkward, but no biggie...¨ Then after a while, you will not believe what happened.... I see the passenger door of the truck open, and this dude hops out. He then walks into our bay and says, ¨Hey brother...¨ I was thinking to myself, ¨Okay, maybe he just wants to know where something is...¨ NOPE. He then says, ¨I hate to intervene, but, is this your mom?¨ Oh, boy, here we go... He then goes on, ¨Why is she doing all the work? This is your mom´s car right?¨ I then say yes. My mom just laughs nervously the entire time. He then says, ¨You should be washing her car for her.¨ And basically saying how I should be helping, and washing to car for my mom. He then goes back inside the truck. I then grab a sprayer and help rinse off the car. Like seriously, what a SIMP! Putting on a show like that. That pissed me off, like mind your own business dude, quit trying to pick up girls with that lame pick up game. Sheeeshhh! It pisses me off because it feels like the universe is against me, and it chose to side with MY MOM and not the REAL VICTIM, WHICH IS ME!! I went through all that, and the universe told ME to shut up! NO! I WILL NOT SHUT UP! I WILL NOT BE SILENT! I WILL SPEAK OUT AGAINST THE WRONG DOINGS THAT HAVE BEEN DONE TO ME!!

regardless of the motivations of this man (which you truly do not know) helping your mom wash the car is a kind thing and everyone deserves a little kindness.
[quote]Your uncle was mentally ill and using drugs and its beyond negligent for her or your grandma to allow him to live with you and i am sorry for that.

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However, things were not all well. When I would come back to stay with my mom something happened. When I was in the car at the airport my my mom was in the driver´s seat and my grandma in the passenger´s seat. My mom asked me how my stay with my dad was and I said good. My mom told my grandma that my dad has a camaro. My grandma starts being a negative nancy and says, ¨It-It doesn´t make him look young.¨ Like really? He works hard, he deserves to have a nice car. Remember, he´s pretty much the reason you have a roof over your head since no one staying at my mom´s works. My mom gave my grandma a look of disdain. My mom continues to ask me about what I did at my dad´s. My grandma then says, ¨The house is always dirty over there, that´s why nobody wants to come visit.¨ Okay, NO! First of all, my dad has a very clean middle-class house in a nice neighborhood. Second, it´s my MOM´S place that´s the filthy one! My mom has a filthy apartment that´s cluttered. Not only that but my grandma, let alone my mom, never even saw my dad´s house! My mom muttered, ¨You´ve never been over there...¨ to my grandma. See what my grandma is doing? She sees that I get to live in a SAFE place with my dad, and actually get RAISED the right way so she immediately tries to RIP IT ALL AWAY!! She doesn´t want to see me be a good boy. She wanted me to SUFFER!! She sees me being around my dad and getting a break as a BAD THING! She only cares about HERSELF!

You grandma should have never ***** talked your dad like that, he is your father and you deserve to love him without judgment.

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So a while later my mom´s car has a serious issue, it was an old Camry. I don´t remember exactly what it was, but it was major. And around the time we were trying to find a way to get it fixed, I told my mom I wanted to live with my dad. It seemed that when I was with my mom everything would be about drama. My mom and grandma argued often. I didn´t want to be around all that drama. My mom told me I had to wait until we got the car fixed. She basically wanted to use the CHILD SUPPORT to FIX A CAR. Hmpf, wow. I told my dad about the situation and he said, ¨Yeah it´s not for that... You don´t own that car.¨ and that I shouldn´t have to worry about that sort of stuff. My mom is a child support abuser.

I do not see your mom as a child abuser and I think its perfectly fine for her to use the child support to fix the car.

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Fast forward later, and i´m struggling in school. My mom asks me if I want to try homeschooling, and I agree to try it. She said that there was this program called K12 that was really good. So I agreed to it. I received all the supplies in the mail, and a school laptop that I had to return when done with the school. I enjoyed doing the program, and it was quite easy, AT FIRST. However, as time went on that´s when I started to struggle. I then realized that K12 was just as bad as a brick and mortar school, if not, WORSE! The thing about them is that they give you an unbelievable amount of work per day, and they have due dates. Plus they even assign work on weekends, AND HOLIDAYS. I got behind on my work, and I struggled to catch up because of the assignment system that they have. It felt like they were burying me in work, and not letting me get up to catch my breath! Something you should know about K12, is that the parent is supposed to be helping their child through the work. But no, my mom didn´t do that at all. She just checks in and says she did it, and sees if I did the work. No help at all. She gets mad at me when my teachers say I didn´t do the work. Like how can I with a stupid idiotic system that buries you in work? Like seriously mom, start HELPING me instead of getting MAD!

yes your mom should have helped you more but ultimately you have to do the work in order to graduate and it is going to be hard, Unfortunately you had such an uncomfortable home life that it made learning and completing work unbearable. Your mom should have done better.

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So here´s where the problem starts. My grandma told me to park my car (at the apartment we parallel park on the street, or in our CRAMPED garage. it was a low-budgeted apartment.) outside to save a spot for my mom because it´s ¨not fair¨ that she comes home and there´s no parking. I mean yeah, I get the logic behind that, but isn´t that kind of taking ADVANTAGE of MY car? Like isn´t that just using me? As a matter of fact my mom left in the morning to go to school, and one time my grandma was knocking on my door at 7 AM IN THE MORNING, which I was asleep, and said I had to park my car outside. (I usually kept it in the garage to keep it clean.) That pissed me off. She woke me up early in the morning just to meet the needs of that ***** I call a ¨mom¨. You know, it seems to me like I´VE been taking care of HER the entire time. I have little to no parenting in my life at all! It´s always about my mom. Everything caters to HER!

It was not worth your time to worry over a parking spot and I do not see it as taking advantage of you.

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Okay, so fast forward MUCH LATER. I am now a senior. I now attend a charter school where you do these work packets called ¨Credits¨ and you need to turn in two a week. However, the packets are LOOOONG. There is a lot of work in them. So I have like 30 credits left to turn in before I graduate. If I don´t turn in credits it pushes my graduation further away, now i´m telling you this for a reason, you will see why later. So my mom graduated from her school, she completed high school. It was a community college. My mom´s car had to be sold due to a massive oil leak, this car was a different one still an old Camry but different. So we had to use my car. Well, I had the fabulous idea of stripping down the interior of my car to make it go faster. I did not have a job at the time. I would put the interior back in when I was done with it. I took the back seat out. It was two-piece, one part was the back-rest and the other was the part you sit on. So I put all the interior parts inside the garage. I test drive my car and I notice a huge difference. It felt much lighter and zippier. When i´m done having fun, I put the interior back inside my car. When I go back inside the apartment, and inside my room. (I stay in my room all day long because i´m very anti-social. I know i´m talking forever but I carry A LOT of pain inside.) My mom comes in and smiles then asks me, ¨What were you doing with the back-seat?¨ I just say that I was cleaning it, and my mom leaves it at that.

I do not think it was wise to do that to your car in order to go faster. I think you are implying faster than the speed limit which isnt safe and could kill you or ruin your driving record. Were you 18 yet? Sure you can do what you want with the car when you are an adult and reponsible for your own actions but in this case it would have been better to wait.

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I was planning on doing the acceleration run in the middle of the night, around 2 AM, when my mom was asleep. So later on in the night, my mom comes into our bedroom after walking the dog. She asks me, ¨What happened to your car?¨ I ask her, ¨What?¨ She then says, ¨What happened to the seat?¨ I then realize that my cover was blown. She found out what I did. I was pissed. There was no reason for her to know what was in that car. My car has tinted windows so the only way she could have seen what was in there is if she deliberately unlocked it, went inside, and LOOKED. She was being nosey, like she always is! I just tell her I was cleaning the seat. After going back and forth with her questioning, she finally accepts that I was ¨just cleaning the seat¨. She then says, ¨Oh, i´ve just never saw it that way before. The trunk liner was gone too.¨ I just roll my eyes mentally. She was such a drama queen. A stripped interior provides better performance and fuel economy. And if you´re curious, I did the acceleration run. The car was only HALF a second faster on the 0-60.

again, not safe and not at 2 am. Wait until you are solely responsible as an adult.

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However, I felt violated. That was MY car, and she was trying to dictate what I could and could not do with it! I mean seriously, I had to literally go through rigorous driving practice with my dad and grandpa, who were VERY HARD on me, pass a driving test on the FIRST TRY, and DRIVE all the way back to my mom! Just to GET that car! And here my mom is, acting like she owns the thing, when she did nothing to earn it. She didn´t have to go through what I went through. I WORKED for that car! My mom did not.

Your mother has every right to see into your car, know what is in your car and what you do with it unless you are an adult and living on your own. It doesnt matter how angry you are or how you think she treated you. If she pays the bills and insurance and you are under 18 she does have that right.

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Sometimes I think i´m too broken for this world. I then snap out of it and realize what I had done. I decide to hide the tablet inside my backpack, and get rid of it the next day. I get a meat-tenderizer because I wanted to use it that night to try and pry off the door panels on my car using the handle. It would help reduce weight.

Its a shame you broke her tablet because she did not break your car. I know you were angry though but spite is dangerous and makes us reckless.

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The next day I have to go to school. My charter school requires us to attend at least twice a week. So, I pretend to go to school. I get in my car, and drive to a park. I then feel enraged that my mom told me not to ¨destroy¨ my car, and act like i´m a bad owner. I sit on a bench, and place the tablet on the ground. I make sure the screen is facing up, and I start stomping on the screen as hard as I can. I then flip the tablet over, and scrape it across the ground, on the screen. I then shove the tablet inside a trash can, and hide it well. I then drive home, park my car, and go to school. The school is next to my apartment, just so you know. So as time goes on, my mom becomes frustrated that she can´t find her tablet. She then gets mad at me and yells, ¨What did you do with my tablet?!?!¨ I then say I hadn´t seen it. She then says, ¨You did something with it.¨ Then she says, ¨Is that why you had the meat tenderizer? Did you break it??¨ I say no. Then the we go back and forth with it, and she eventually says, ¨Ever since the movie Joker you´ve been acting different. Is that why you´re acting this way?¨ HAHAHAAHAHHAA! WHAT??? NO!! Did you just seriously blame a MOVIE on your son´s bad behavior, let alone, JOKER??? REALLY??? You get what you deserve! But honestly mom, the reason I did that was because I zoned out, and lost control of my actions. I had no motive behind it. I literally just did it for NO REASON. She would rather blame a MOVIE, than accept personal responsibility for her bad parenting. She then says something that made my blood boil... She told me, ¨You don´t deserve to have your own car... ¨ That really infuriated me. Cars are a passion for me, and to me, my car is the greatest thing since sliced bread. The fact that she had the AUDACITY to tell me something like that pissed me off. My mom doesn´t even take care of her own car, she keeps it dirty and RARELY changes the oil! Yet she somehow feels she has the right to tell ME what to do with MY car? Sheesh. My mom then says, ¨I´m telling your dad what you did.¨ Like I felt a little scared at that point, but also mad. The universe possesses me, makes me destroy the tablet, and now it uses my mom to play the victim card?? Really? I feel that something makes me do bad things, and then blames me for them when i´m not in my right state of mind. It pisses me off. I feel that the universe tries to paint me as the bad guy, and my mom as this perfect little angel who can do no wrong.

Her bad parenting doesnt mean you get to destroy her stuff. How would you feel if she hit your car with that meat tenderizer?

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Later that day, my mom had to go to my aunt´s house again, and she told me, ¨And don´t destroy anything while i´m gone.¨ When my mom leaves, I start finding a way to get back at her. There is a bedside table in our bedroom, and it´s cluttered with junk. I go to the bedside table, and shove all the junk onto the floor, and knock a plastic fan to the ground. I thought to myself, ¨Well, it was dirty. So I guess I cleaned it off! There! It´s clean now!¨ I also saw my mom´s essential oil emitter, so I took out the batteries, no longer feeling like myself, and thought, ¨Cool! I just found batteries!¨ I then take a screw driver and tear apart the emitter. I then hide the remains in my backpack, and keep the batteries for myself. When my mom returned, she tried being nice to me at first, I guess to try and forgive and forget, but she then sees what I did to the table, and she starts freaking out at me. My mom says, ¨What happened here?? Why do you keep destroying things? You´ve been acting different ever since you saw Joker.¨ I thought to myself, ¨So ungrateful... Didn´t even notice that I cleaned off the table.¨ My mom then says, ¨What happened to my essential oils? Where did it go?¨ I then say I don´t know. She then goes on to say, ¨If you keep doing that, i´m gonna call the police and have you arrested.¨ WHOA! Really? See how weak of a parent she is? She would rather have LAW ENFORCEMENT deal with me, rather than step up and be a parent. PROOF she does NOT actually care about me. I´ve said it once, and i´ll say it again, she only wants child support money. Don´t act like how I want you to act? Okay, let me call the police on you and have you arrested, destroying your educational opportunity even though I know your about to graduate high school. My mom then says, ¨You´re gonna be like your uncle... Somebody´s gonna have to come and take you away. I don´t want you to be like your uncle... You´re better than that, your uncle´s just, koo-koo.¨

again you shouldnt destroy her stuff but she shouldnt threaten to call the police. She should have immediately called a youth crisis line or got you into therapy.

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The day after, my mom goes out in the morning to my aunt´s house. I was still boiling mad about her saying, ¨You don´t deserve to have your own car.¨ That is by-far the WORST thing you could tell a car enthusiast. So, I went inside the garage, and find a rusty old car jack. The garages at the apartment were made of wood, just so you know. I picked up the handle for the jack, that had rusted off. I closed the garage door, and the interior was lit by the outside light that seeped through the cracks. It actually lit pretty well, believe it or not. I remembered what my mom told me, to build up my rage. I then swung the handle at a wall, putting all my rage and frustration into the swing. It left a gash in the wall. I kept remembering things my mom said, and swinging at the wall. I then kept repeating the memory of my mom telling me, ¨You don´t deserve to have your own car.¨ over-and-over again in my head to fuel my rage. I kept taking hard swings at the walls every time the memory repeated. I left huge gashes, and took out pieces of the walls. I then decide I was still pissed off beyond belief, and it wasn´t enough. I then decide to make a HOLE in the wall. I then start swinging at one spot on the wall, non-stop, just working away at it with rage. I did so much damage that a small bit of the jack handle broke off. I eventually ate away at the wall enough to create a hole. I could see into someone else´s garage. I saw a metal shelf with various supplies on it, and just a bunch of junk in their garage. The floor in MY garage was covered in wood pieces. There were black marks all over the walls, and even the garage door from where I had been swinging. I then started to panic because I knew I had to find a way to cover up that hole.

Did that explosion of rage change your situation? It did not, it may have temporarily felt vindicating but you dont want to seem immature, You want to be taken seriously by your parents.
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To make matters worse, I got in contact with a Navy recruiter a long time ago to get into the Navy when I graduate. My dad apparently has the pink slip to my car! Meaning that the car was always HIS, and apparently this was because he was going to wait until I got into the Navy to give me the pink slip. Okay, let me tell you why this is a big deal. When I was learning how to drive, it was in that car, I even took the test in that car. My dad said that I could have it if I passed. Well, I PASSED, but no, apparently I need to now go into the Navy to get the PINK SLIP, which means i´m not even the owner of the car. Like, when I was destroying stuff my mom said, ¨Break your own stuff... except your car, because you dad got you that.¨ I love how she makes that little exception, to say, that car is not really yours!

i think its a terrible idea for you to go into the navy, I do not think it is safe for you to do it. If you didnt sign on the dotted line do not do it.

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I also noticed something disturbing about myself. Ever since I felt this severe depression, I´ve been getting flashes of this SEVERE ANGER, like if I see a video online that makes me upset, it could even be something small that isn´t even a big deal, I will feel this boiling hot anger inside to the point I wanna become violent and do unspeakable things. Another thing, when i´m depressed I lay in bed all day and watch GORE VIDEOS online. I´ve found it was the only thing I felt like watching, and it was the only thing stopping me from running back to the video games. The video games scare me, because I get REALLY ADDICTED to them, to the point I can barely pull away from them. It scares me because I feel like if I play them, I well become filled with pride, and never seek the help I need. I managed to stop playing the video games for about 3 days, and I felt the severe depression. When I played them, it gave me a sense of comfort and security. It made the pain go away. But when I stopped playing them, I felt so vulnerable, so defenseless. I felt trapped. Powerless.

I agree that your rage and destructive behavior is dangerous and urge you to try therapy.
I am so sorry your parents failed you and let you fend for yourself. It was a grave disservice to you. Please know you are not a lost cause. You deserve to learn proper coping skills and love. I hope you are able to find a therapist to help you. I hope you do not go into the navy.

Reads like a dramatic Novel. Well written.

I did not finish reading your post. But child support is not the child's money it's used to buy food, clothes, and shelter for the child. Your mom was wrong not to let you live with your dad when you asked. She doesn't owe you child support money. That's her money for your support.