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Default Nov 20, 2020 at 04:19 PM
  #1
I had a really difficult week. One bad thing after another happened. Due to this, there are some things I need to take care of next week. But in the meantime I am doing self care this weekend to get stronger.

I keep crying though.

Something really difficult happened. And I cannot stop crying about it. Unfortunately I cannot give details. I've already talked about it with the appropriate ppl and I can't go over it again here.

I am wondering why I'm so upset. But I guess I've never really been in this situation / never had this experience before.

Ppl are being so nice to me about it. It just makes me cry more.

I'm just confused why I'm so sad about it. I didn't know it was something I was so sensitive about.

I haven't cried in a long time.

Last edited by WovenGalaxy; Nov 20, 2020 at 04:38 PM..
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Default Nov 20, 2020 at 05:33 PM
  #2
Dear WovenGalaxy,

I'm so very sorry that whatever awful thing[s] happened to you, happened to you! Wish I knew what to say to ease your distress!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Default Nov 20, 2020 at 09:40 PM
  #3
Sometimes crying is more about anger than being sad.

Maybe you feel guilt or that you got blamed for something that is not your fault.

Can you think of other emotions that came up about this challenge?

Sometimes because we may not have been allowed to feel certain emotions we cry. Crying is something we do when our brain gets overwhelmed with emotions. It’s actually for relief.
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Default Nov 20, 2020 at 10:40 PM
  #4
Please know this (what I'm about to say) is really hard for me to say. I've been crying for 2 days over it. So please be very gentle in responses and if you feel you can't, please just don't respond. This includes posts starting with "I don't want to invalidate you, but..."

I have hip bursitis and my general doc sent me to an orthopedist bc the PT I had made it worse.

They did an x ray. The staff was nice. Then the doctor came in after the x ray. He flat out told me I need to lose weight. Like right off the bat. I'd had so many questions for this appt including "how do I do cardio? Can I walk for exercise?" I forgot all of them. I was so caught off guard.

I weigh 165 lbs. I'm 5' 3". I know I'm over weight. I felt so ugly after this meeting. I felt like a gross ugly piece of trash.

Just by looking at the number I gave for my weight, and at me, that's all he said I needed to do. He also prescribed PT and told me to heat and massage my hip.

At the same time, I need to be honest. No doctor has ever told me I need to lose weight, except once, when I weighed more, a PA told me it would help w my knees. He was very kind about it though, and it didn't bother me.

Somehow this felt different.

OE, sure, there's anger, but imo, my emotional experience has been sadness, shame, and guilt. Guilt bc I called my general doc to tell her about the experience. Her office was so nice about it. I felt guilt like I maybe was making to big a deal about it. I think I was just assertive though?

I had such a hard week, not just w this.

It was the way he said it. I felt like meat to him. I felt gross. He may be right. I'm sure. I'm Sure losing weight will help. But it just really hurt and I was so caught off guard, that all my comments and questions about my hip muscles went out of my mind. I left with no answers. Except that I'm fat and old.
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Default Nov 20, 2020 at 11:17 PM
  #5
I hope you find another orthopedist. This one sounds like a douche.

I had a bursa behind my knee, and it seemed like it was more from misalignment and twisting. Im the same weight now as when i had it, and it hasnt come back. So i dont think losing wgt would necessarily fix it. Plus im the same hgt as you (i shrunk!) and i weigh way more. Im not running any marathons, but i would change shoes and change docs!
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Heart Nov 20, 2020 at 11:28 PM
  #6
Dear WovenGalaxy, That doctor is very insensitive, & he should know better. The better doctors care about their patients' mind, body, & spirit. They even postpone operations until the patient is in a healthier mental state, so they know our overall health is affected by our thoughts & feelings. I'm sorry you had to listen to him. Hugs & love to you!
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Default Nov 21, 2020 at 12:05 PM
  #7
Urgh that was just so unnecessarily abrupt and blunt of him. Weight is just one factor in bursitis. Many different factors contribute. And it hurts so bad - like toothache! No wonder you had a cry.

I hope you won't be annoyed at me when I say I admire your ability to let those tears roll. Really, so many times I have wished I could just cry and let it all out like you did. I think tears can be cathartic- at least I hope they have been for you.

Hope you are feeling a little better today.
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Default Nov 21, 2020 at 04:30 PM
  #8
I've heard that crying heals the soul so it must mean that the hurt you feel is beyond your physical body. I spent almost two years crying almost everyday, but I have lost a lot of people in my life. Physically, I wasn't hurt. They were very close to me. I'm not sure if you've heard of soul searching? Well if you do then believe in cleansing the soul or healing the soul. It is deep what you feel, beyond your body and your heart. We can't see what's wrong or why it affected us so much because we can't see our soul. But the crying, and I could almost see your cries are almost sobs from within. I truly hope you could get through this.
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Default Nov 21, 2020 at 04:36 PM
  #9
Thank you for the kind words all.

I don't have any energy in me to write more in detail or to respond to each person. But I saw your replies and I appreciated them.

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Default Nov 21, 2020 at 10:02 PM
  #10
Weight can be part of the challenge but it can also be due to how a person carries themselves too. Often a person shifts a lot of their weight into one side of their body unknowingly. I have a tendency to lean on my left side and it caused me to stress my left side more and have more issues with my left foot and knee and probably hip too. That can be helped with better shoes that have better support in them via soft orthopedics. It’s not always just weight but distribution of in how we carry it as we navigate.

That being said it can get harder to lose weight as we get older because our metabolism slows and we lose muscle mass and we don’t handle stress as well and we change hormonally.

You are not alone with this challenge (((hugs))).

Last edited by Open Eyes; Nov 21, 2020 at 11:26 PM..
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Default Nov 22, 2020 at 08:23 AM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
Weight can be part of the challenge but it can also be due to how a person carries themselves too. Often a person shifts a lot of their weight into one side of their body unknowingly. I have a tendency to lean on my left side and it caused me to stress my left side more and have more issues with my left foot and knee and probably hip too. That can be helped with better shoes that have better support in them via soft orthopedics. It’s not always just weight but distribution of in how we carry it as we navigate.

That being said it can get harder to lose weight as we get older because our metabolism slows and we lose muscle mass and we don’t handle stress as well and we change hormonally.

You are not alone with this challenge (((hugs))).
What challenge? Bursitis or being overweight? Or having a doctor completely plow you down?Your response feels insensitive toward the way I'm feeling. I'm just not sure what you're saying. The doctor told me the same thing, btw, that I'm getting older and its harder to lose weight. It just made me feel old and gross. @Open Eyes
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Default Nov 22, 2020 at 08:56 AM
  #12
Hope you feel better soon. Sending you hugs and kisses.
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Default Nov 22, 2020 at 09:17 AM
  #13
Note: When I wrote "it just made me feel old and gross" it was in no way intended to offend anyone here, btw, or say that being old, or overweight in anyway, is a bad thing. I feel that it's something our society stigmatizes though, unfortunately, and this was really a first for me, where I felt all of this in a doctors office.
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Default Nov 22, 2020 at 02:27 PM
  #14
@Open Eyes OE, what you said bothered me but I also assume you meant no harm and were trying to convey that there are other factors in hip issues. I read over my earlier response. It sounds offputting and I did not intend or want to sound that way. I was genuinely wondering what you had meant. I just feel I need to say this all and I know you are going through some really difficult things of your own which I feel for. Also you have not responded for some reason so I don't have an answer. That is ok I just feel I need to say this. You've expressed to me you have been misunderstood by many in life and on here. And I sometimes tend to misunderstand things in general! So maybe this was a misunderstanding. I wish you peace.
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Default Nov 22, 2020 at 02:36 PM
  #15
Sorry Woven, I meant the challenge of Bursitus. But also the challenge of how someone else's lack of sensitivity can contribute to feeling old or trigger other feelings of someone else being cold or mean that was hurtful.

I did not mean to come across as insensitive. Thanks for pointing that out so I could respond. I was thinking back on things I experienced myself where the doctor was insensitive. And I had challenges even when my weight was not the problem at all. Actually, for me it wasn't just doctors but also therapists and even psychiatrists and actually many situations in my past where I came across someone who was cold and insensitive towards me that hurt me and I did not deserve to be treated that way. And this person was always on their own time schedule and I was just a thing that person had to address instead of a feeling human being.

I am sorry I did not give you a more comforting response. However, as you know I am not at my best due to this week of dealing with my husband who got blood poisening and instead of his small wound getting better it got worse and he could have died. I was scared and was also triggered and then as soon as he responded to treatment in a positive way he wanted me to drop everything and quick get there to get him when I was told that would not happen until Sunday. And then I had to deal with an angry impatient husband that expected HIS needs to come first and how I felt did not matter. To be honest THAT was a trigger and I was already exhausted from all the stress and worry I experienced.

As a result, my response to you was wanting to acknowledge you, but, I was tired. I too had too many challenges all at once last week and was also reduced to tears. I was not ready to do this "hurry up quick" as I was sitting here in my chair crying. About the best I could do was my response about how the crying can be a result of several emotions and feeling overwhelmed. And what I have come to realize is for some reason when I get triggered a certain way, many past experiences come forward from other times in my life where someone else's behaviors "hurt" me. That's probably why you remembered that person who bullied you and you had the urge to say something to that person. I have had that same kind of experience and it was something I had not consciously thought about in many years. To top it off the fact that person became a therapist makes it more challenging in that it means that person has power that can bring on other feelings because that person had been very cold and insensitive and SELFISH.

There can be this strong desire to finally say something. I get it because I myself have experienced that kind of urge. It's an effort to finally try to overcome how that person left you with this memory that can affect you even years later. An effort to have that presence in front of you so you can finally tell them how their behavior was selfish which is what you actually did when you contacted your doctor to tell your doctor how cold and insensitive this other doctor was towards you. It's a form of "self validation" which is something that was missing in the past. Almost like with this Bully, "I saw your name and picture and all I remember about YOU is that you were a mean selfish bully that picked on me". And even, "Can't picture you as a therapist and healer considering how it pleasured you to bully me". It's almost as though this deep desire is more about getting to hand that other person back the pain they handed you right?

The problem with that is that it can bring about this thing in you called "cognitive dissonance". And the reason for that is because YOU are not the type of person that desires to bully and hurt others. You have too much sensitivity in you to behave like that.

Actually, I posted a video where a man described a bell curve where he explained at the top is average individuals that manage to go along with others and then on one side of the curve are individuals who express increasing amounts of narcissism that can be colder and more and more selfish and insensitive the further down the curve you go. Then there is the other side of "sensitives" that he calls empaths that also get more sensitive and empathetic the further down the curve you go too. He explained how the problem with this side of the curve is that these sensitive individuals do have a gift but no one ever taught them how to use it and understand it so as a result often they suffer not realizing how their sensitivity isn't a weakness or bad.

On the narcissistic side the individual is more about self and if they weep, it's always for self and not truely for others. They do not look inward to self but instead blame others because what they really want is all for "self". This side is always in need of satisfying their own ego and the only truth that matters is their truth. They change the story to reflect their truth and how they need reality to be. They cognitively distort according to their own needs and the more one goes down that curve the worse this individual gets. They tend to prefer to collect codependents who will focus on their needs for their own ego. And when things go wrong it's always someone elses fault.

That is very different from cognitive dissonance where a person is sensitive to how others feel. And sometimes so sensitive they choose to distance because it can actually "hurt too much". And they don't want to hurt others or use others which is often why selfish behaviors can affect them so much.

This is what therapists including my current therapist has been trying to explain to me about how I am and have called me an empath. It's not about having "special powers" instead it can actually be painful. And when I watched that video it finally made more sense to me. The empath can see a great deal of gray and are more sensitive than those who tend to look at things in a more black and white way. The hard part is being able to put that sensitivity into words and when putting out that effort facing a black and white thinker stepping right in and criticizing because they need to see things THEIR WAY. They simply do not have the same emotional depth and sensitivity.

So anyway, I am sorry if my response to you came across as insensitive. I am tired and my reply was reflecting my own exhaustion.
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Default Nov 22, 2020 at 03:00 PM
  #16
@Open Eyes OE, sending you lots of hugs and I'm so sorry. I know you're going through a lot. I felt so bad when I responded on your post in the other subforum bc while I was trying to make you feel better, the blood infection slipped my mind and I was worried I'd made you feel worse. I was literally cringing. I'm so sorry about that. On my part, in this thread for instance, and in general, I think I need to work on being more skillful with my communication.

Edit: also I should not have called you insensitive. I'm sorry.
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Default Nov 22, 2020 at 03:03 PM
  #17
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@Open Eyes OE, what you said bothered me but I also assume you meant no harm and were trying to convey that there are other factors in hip issues. I read over my earlier response. It sounds offputting and I did not intend or want to sound that way. I was genuinely wondering what you had meant. I just feel I need to say this all and I know you are going through some really difficult things of your own which I feel for. Also you have not responded for some reason so I don't have an answer. That is ok I just feel I need to say this. You've expressed to me you have been misunderstood by many in life and on here. And I sometimes tend to misunderstand things in general! So maybe this was a misunderstanding. I wish you peace.
Actually @WovenGalaxy I was responding to you but it took a while because I kept being interupted while responding. I am glad you realize my intent was to help you and that I am not really at my best right now. It's ok that you needed me to clarify and even mentioned how what I said affected you so I could help clarify. I do try but I don't always nail it and often that is due to where I am at myself and I went through this awful rollercoaster this past week of too many BIG things happening all at once. And to be honest with you, even though I was genuinely struggling, I had to switch gears and deal with an angry husband who was pretty much all about himself and HIS impatience that he tends to take out on me. Yet, he was also taking that out on the staff too and a part of me wonders if they sent him home because he isn't a very good patient and they actually had to lock him in his room. When I say "bad adhd" I aint kidding, he is MISERABLE if he can't be in motion, even in his sleep which is why I had to finally have him sleep in a different bed than me. His energy can get overwhelming and exhausting. He fills up space in so many ways and I was simply not ready for that big energy to happen yet. And it's worse when he gets angry. Yup, that's the severity of his ADHD. He HATES being imobalized hense they had to lock him in his room at the hospital.
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Default Nov 22, 2020 at 03:54 PM
  #18
Just want to share before I face some kind of blow back. When I talk about ADHD here, what I am sharing is how it presents in my husband who has it bad which has been a challenge to live with. And it can even get challenging for him where he gets very frustated and blows that my way. It's not meant to say all who have ADHD are....
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