Feeling like a selfish baby

****Venting****

I’ve noticed that a few of my threads that deal with how hard and stressful things are from me get a reply or two and drop off. Then I see all the fluffy threads with pages and pages of replies. I am not one to demand replies or anything like that, I’m just wondering if I rub people the wrong way somehow. I’m not jealous I’ve just wanted support or advice. Do you think it’s because my threads are not written well or too heavy? Mind you I’m not talking about every thread I make, or that my threads and my life somehow trump anyone else’s threads or concerns. I don’t and can’t expect people to sit around waiting for the amazing sarahsweets to post something. I’m not saying people should prioritize my posts or hang on my every word either.

I’m not one to go into my own threads and bump them or ask why there are only a couple of comments and demand more. I guess I’m vulnerable now and wondering if maybe it’s that people are put off by me and therefore won’t read or comment on my posts. Or that they are poorly written. Worse maybe people are sick of hearing from me. Maybe I’m on ignore by a lot of people and don’t even know it?

I’m not begrudging the lighter threads or people that post there. I’m not begrudging anyone who doesn’t want to deal with anything too heavy. It’s just that I can’t help but wonder what my part in all this might be. Have I been an asshole? Do I owe someone an apology? Did I unintentionally invalidate someone and now I’ve lost the opportunity for discourse?Like there are members that need emotional support and acknowledgement and post many times a day (which I am totally supportive of and take no issue with) and they get a lot of comments and affirmations. Could it be that I am supposed to ask for support in a more straightforward way? But then who the hell am I to tell people how to behave and what to do ?

I mean I do when I post a personal thread but should I make my needs more clear in hopes of receiving more support? (Sort of like when you’re in therapy and the therapist says to ask them for what you need)

I know it’s the internet and of course we are in unprecedented times, during a pandemic, and that this is a place where we all have a mental illness . the sad part of me that craves interaction wishes there was more. Sometimes there will be a few replies to me but not much back and forth.

There are some topics that have a lot of back and fourth but if I’m being real, those threads seem to have an element of discord, opposing views or sometimes really intense debate. BUT I wouldn’t mind the back and forth. I have no problem with civil discussion about myself and my choices even if people do not agree with me.

Ahh, really I’m just venting and being a PITA. As my mom and my grandma used to say “ quit being a tit*y baby, put on your big girl panties and move along “

Thanks for anyone who reads and please be honest if you have to.

part of my job as a community liaison is to look at the unanswered threads and answer them

more often than not, I see threads that were posted days/ weeks ago that still don't have any reply (most of them from members who have been here a while), so I can say for certain that no one is purposely not replying to you. their are so many reasons why some one might not reply: maybe they don't know what to say, maybe they don't want to look through the entire forum, maybe they don't want to say the wrong thing, maybe they are in the same situation and they are also waiting for a response.

this is a big site, threads being lost in the forum is an almost garanteed occurance. I know for me, when I come on, I know what threads I want to reply to, so I will go straight to those- and then I will look at the new threads. if I don't read a thread, it's not because I don't care about that person, it's because I didn't see it

example: this thread came up in the new threads, and because I check the new threads, that's why I replied- because I saw the post.

I wouldn't read too much in to it. you're doing just fine on here and we all love your posts

I suppose it's the same with mentions.

in a big thread, if someone mentions you, if you don't really follow the thread you are unlikely to see it

unless you read the notification that says, such and such mentioned you in a thread, even then in a big thread said post could be difficult to find

You are most certainly great and you express yourself well.

One thing could be that people don’t read long threads. Or start reading and then be like “forget it.”

Or they think it’s more like a vent and don’t know what to respond.

And the third reason, and that’s the one that would mostly stop me, you’ll make a thread and appear to ask questions or express something of substance. People reply, but then you never ever go back to that thread. Or you don’t go on there for a very long time. So if people reply to your thread, they might feel pointless as you never go back to check. It feels that you aren’t interested in replies, so next time no one replies or the most they’ll send a hug. I know it happened to me before. I’d make a long detailed reply with specific knowledge of the matter and I never get any acknowledgement so I think I wasted 15 minutes typing and caused arthritis in my hand and OP didn’t bother reading or couldn’t care less

Hi, I can only speak for myself when I say I have no problem with your threads at all.

In general I agree with Divine that I am most likely to reply to people who come back to their threads. It's good to have feedback whether positive or otherwise, often it's just good to know the OP is okay - I think many of us worry about each other.

The only other thing that stops me replying is if I feel I have nothing worthwhile to offer, some situations are so complex I really feel out of my depth replying - that's when I leave a hug often. Not everyone likes hugs but it's a good way to say "I hear you!"

Of course like you say there is a big worldwide situation right now that affects most people and I think there has been a drop off generally on this site and others. So I wouldn't take a lack of replies personally.

All my best wishes to you and I think you were brave posting this - it is hard to be vulnerable.

I write replies to peoples post all the time and right before I hit post.....I delete it. I am sure it did it to one of yours. I just feel my reply really has nothing to add or it will illicit an a triggering response. Also if someone’s post is way to long and wordy I just do not have enough mental energy to read it and follow along. Not sure if you have really long post or not but I can tell you I did not read this entire post.

I do think that the thicker and longer posts are not only much harder to read, but generally will illicit fewer replies because most people won't read all the way through. I admit that I skimmed through this one because it is very thick and long.

I know you also have a lengthy post in the relationship forum that received two replies, including my own. I do agree that you could return to your thread more. I wondered why you hadn't returned to that thread, and why you hadn't responded to my post. When I reply on someone's thread, I give it great consideration and thought while writing. I like it when the thread owner takes the time to reply, and then I will likely return to that thread and respond more.

I do not know if that's your general MO - to post threads and then not return to them much, but if that's correct across the board, then perhaps returning to your threads and replying to individual posts more frequently would help.

And I hope what I am writing is not received poorly. Just trying to be objective and give some objective thoughts.

Hi Sarahsweets,

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I see your threads and even read them, and I often refrain from commenting because they are about your daughter or marriage or aspects of your life that, while I can be supportive, I don't have much experience with, and I feel like anything I say might be irrelevant. I'm sorry you feel ignored though. I know I have definitely experienced this where I post a thread pouring my heart out about something very specific to my life and only get a couple of replies. Sometimes when that happens I try to repost with a different title because often I think it's the title that throws people off. Just a suggestion.

For me, sometimes I don't know what to say that will help the person who has started the thread-- other times, I think it would be better to say nothing than say what their thread really makes me want to say haha. But I know what you mean, because my threads don't get a lot of responses either. I think it's because of the edge on them-- I think people who read my posts aren't always sure what to say that won't piss me off haha. But whatever, it is what it is. I can appreciate how you feel though, because you wonder if something is wrong with you to make people avoid responding to your threads; there isn't, people don't respond for a number of reasons. I just wanted you to know that I get how you feel.

I get it. I've sometimes considered that I don't belong on this forum because my issues simply cannot be dealt with. And to a certain degree, my issues cannot be dealt with because it's true. However, I keep coming back to this forum because it's one of the only places I can really offer support to others and receive support myself. I have realized over the last few years of being a member here that my issues haven't gone away, but I have gained some perspective I would most likely not have if I weren't a member here. Sometimes things suck. Right now is for sure one of those times for a lot of people, myself included. Things definitely suck right now.

Anyway, I hear you. I always do appreciate your posts. I know others do too.

Yeah, the main reason I don't offer as much support to certain people is because it seems like they have everything figured out already. I guess that may not necessarily be the case, but I try not to offer advice to people who seem like they have things figured out. That probably makes zero sense. But it's what goes on in my mind.

Honestly though, right now is a really hard time.

@sarahsweets, I do see your threads and try to reply but it seems like you don't check back and engage. I was actually wondering if anything I posted was helpful and yet sometimes I dont see you post anything more too.

Hey everyone- I haven’t read or responded to anyone yet. My daughter is in crisis. Post pardum depression is very bad and I had to stay with her today because She didn’t want to be alone. The baby has reflux and collic and I had to hold him nearly all the time. I was trying to get her to consider the hospital but not quite sure needs that either. I called the place she is scheduled for on the 21 and they put her on a rolling waiting list. I promise I will get to my own thread tomorrow morning I also experienced my first “flare up “ due to my arthritis. Never happened to me ever and it’s been really painful. I don’t know who said what but thanks to everyone that commented.

Have you looked into a vibrating baby seat? Sometimes that really helps when babies have tummy challenges. My husbands parents had to take him on car rides so he would sleep as he was a colic baby too. It’s the vibration that helps. I actually have taken horses that were colicing for rides in the trailer which often helped them a lot.

You can also hold a thin pillow on the baby’s back and gently use one of those electric messages on the pillow moving it up and down where the baby’s tummy is located. That can sooth and help reduce gas pressure.

I am sorry about your daughter. It’s tough. Most certainly it would prevent you from posting and reading as family comes first.

But what’s happening with this thread is likely what’s happening with other threads of yours and is an explanation why people don’t reply. You are reading other people’s threads and replying to other people on other threads but you don’t go back to your own threads to even read what people said.

Heck one time you asked a question on the topic I am an expert on and I spent long time with detailed posts and you never even acknowledged. I assumed you got mad at something I said so I hesitated to reply to your posts for awhile. But now I am sure you just never ever read it.

And it’s pretty much the case with most of your threads.

Hence fewer people will reply. It’s not that other threads are fluffy , it’s just that people read replies and engage with posters. You yourself engage with people on other threads, just never on your own. I likely won’t be replying anymore as you seem to be using your own threads as blogs and journals and replies aren’t needed which is fine.

Hope everything works out with your daughter. Hope baby gets better too, perhaps pediatrician has a suggestion re colic. Maybe something bothering him? Is he due for a check up? Well you likely won’t read this so I bow out

I am so, so sorry @divine1966. We are friends and that is terrible that I forgot about it like that. I have no business even making this thread. My youngest Ella starts hybrid school today. She’s been virtual all this time. I’m working on getting her ready and all that. She drives now so I’m letting her take the car. I’ll respond at length when she’s gone.

There is nothing more heartbreaking than when a family member is in crisis. I find it harder to see people I love in crisis than to deal with my own crisis.

When people at PC are hurting deeply, sometimes they begin replying to many, many posts or post multiple posts. It's almost like an indirect cry for help. Sometimes their emotions make them spread themselves too thin. If you are unable to find the time to read replies to your threads, then, IMO, try to only have one thread so you can simply read the replies and hit the "thanks" or "hug" button to acknowledge you saw their response. Again, when we are in crisis, sometimes we post too much spreading our attention too thin. As far as your actual posts go--you are a good writer and have a lot of good advice.

Unfortunately, while this place is a good outlet--it only helps so much, as long as your family situation continues, it is just going to hurt. Though it may seem like your situation is unresolvable, eventually, things WILL change. I am sorry you are hurting so much. Hang in there.

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Originally Posted by divine1966 And the third reason, and that’s the one that would mostly stop me, you’ll make a thread and appear to ask questions or express something of substance. People reply, but then you never ever go back to that thread. Or you don’t go on there for a very long time. So if people reply to your thread, they might feel pointless as you never go back to check. It feels that you aren’t interested in replies, so next time no one replies or the most they’ll send a hug. I know it happened to me before. I’d make a long detailed reply with specific knowledge of the matter and I never get any acknowledgement so I think I wasted 15 minutes typing and caused arthritis in my hand and OP didn’t bother reading or couldn’t care less

Thanks for being so honest @divine1966. I asked for honesty and I am getting it. You and everyone else is so right. I posted this thread in I guess a desperation kind of mood. I have no right to say these things if that has been my track record. I think from now on if I make a thread I will ask people to use the mention function. Sometimes I just click "new threads" and dont see mine pop up because like you said, it gets buried because I didnt go back to it. I also am forgetful. And now I am starting to see my part in all of this.

Of course we are friends! And there was nothing personal at all. This was just a reply on why people don’t post on your threads. It’s not my place to judge how people post on PC. I don’t even make threads at all. It’s everyone’s business how to spend their time on PC and what’s the reason for them to be on here. I had people question my reasons for posting on here at all. I am just explaining why people aren’t replying. I know why I often don’t.

Sorry for being blunt. Hope everything gets better soon. Covid doesn’t help with this craziness. Take care of your family. That’s number one at all times

Hey Sarah. What I do is I go to "subscribed" at the top left of the page. There, you will see a list of all the threads you've posted OR have replied on. It's a super easy way to see if there are new replies on your own threads each day.

Thanks for your honesty @HaveHope I really try and take constructive criticism and honesty the best I can. I do not argue or defend myself when the person is right.

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Originally Posted by Have Hope I do think that the thicker and longer posts are not only much harder to read, but generally will illicit fewer replies because most people won't read all the way through. I admit that I skimmed through this one because it is very thick and long.

I thought about that and was hoping my paragraph breaks might help. On another forum I belong to the mods ask for breaks in long posts. I guess I have to try harder to be more succint.

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I know you also have a lengthy post in the relationship forum that received two replies, including my own. I do agree that you could return to your thread more. I wondered why you hadn't returned to that thread, and why you hadn't responded to my post. When I reply on someone's thread, I give it great consideration and thought while writing. I like it when the thread owner takes the time to reply, and then I will likely return to that thread and respond more.

Right again and I am only now realizing it, I am on PC everyday and try to respond to a lot of people's threads but not remembering my own and being considerate enough to return is really sh*tty. I think I am going to ask people to use the mention function for me. This isnt an excuse but my ADHD sometimes makes me forget or overlook these things of my own and get focused on others' posts. Or something is a problem at the moment and becomes consuming and keeps me off and when I return I've forgotten.
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I do not know if that's your general MO - to post threads and then not return to them much, but if that's correct across the board, then perhaps returning to your threads and replying to individual posts more frequently would help.
OMG! I hope it doesn't seem like my MO.

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And I hope what I am writing is not received poorly. Just trying to be objective and give some objective thoughts.

No, i am really hearing you and I want to validate what you are saying.