Therapist & Emotions

I can sympathize. I think one of the worst kinds of control is when your desires are constantly undermined to the point that you actually don't want what you want anymore
It's only been a few years since I've escaped control and abuse, and it's creeped back in a few times too.
It's been really up and down for me (feeling joy and anger) because I was using food and some substances compulsively, and struggling with compulsive behaviours.
I can definitely feel anger. Hypno helped me get a sense of control with it (would highly recommend a session of Hypno or EFT if you can get one). It's loads of different things that have helped together really. Trying different therapys, exercise....learning about boundaries and healthy ultimatums, too.
Playing music, music and dancing are things that have given me really mixed feelings because of painful associations but ultimately bring me joy!
It's up and down whether I can actually go there, as it's stressful. At the minute, talking to my therapist, and taking an antidepressant, are helping me keep my emotions alive, instead of shutting the curtains on everything. Helps to deal with the past, resolve inner conflict, and grieve for what was lost/taken away.
It's been my main focus for the last few years though (getting in touch with my feelings/dreams). It's really surprised me how much has come up...like I was actually estranged from myself.
I think that's why it's good to start with little things that make you happy, because it can feel a little bit like loosing yourself, so it's good to start at home, definitely, and feel safe and comfortable at home! I like that you have your potpourri now! It was a big thing for me having colours and candles in my home
So thinking maybe start with the merry-go-round, then work up to waltzers (you can always go back to the merry-go-round), and try the rollercoaster when you're ready for it, maybe! Haha, it's a lot

It doesn't sound weird at all, can actually get desensitised to pain, and depression...someone described to me as a dimmer switch...I think it actually has a function when we're feeling too much pain.
I'm sorry you have this pain, and inflammation. I can imagine not wanting to focus on that kind of pain. Do you get much physical support?
I see a Shiatsu practitioner sometimes. That has really helped with holding lots of tension, and pain from that.
Have you talked to your therapist about your physical pain. I think it's hard to define emotional and physical pain, they are quite connected

Basically your therapist is right, they are saying that you should not keep emotions in but let them out.

Thank you - I just have a hard time sort of experiencing emotions. Even when I start crying, I don't feel like I'm feeling anything as far as an emotion, I just am having a physical reaction. Like my eyes are crying, my throat's tight, my stomach hurts - but it doesn't mean anything to me emotionally. If that makes sense. It's hard to explain...

I can sympathise. I still shut off, when I'm having therapy. My therapist says "were you about to say something" I say "I was thinking about changing the subject", and he usually helps me get to the thing I am avoiding thinking about. It's a bit of a maze...so many things trigger different memories and feelings.
I would be honest about your physical pain as much as possible. The doctors should be aware of what hurts, where possible. I hope things do start feeling better for you.
Shiatsu was painful for me (I've gone once or twice a month for a year). The more I explained the pain, my practitioner was able to unlock my shoulders (it was a long process because I had been locked up since I was a child). Had a hip flexor injury that caused pain for ten + years and that's healed properly in the last year, also back pain...loads of pain really that I don't like to show/admit to either haha...Wouldn't want anyone knowing our weaknesses! Wouldn't have considered a massage before that, had only ever had a facial, then I trained to give massage last year, and it totally changed my life for the better. Haven't been able to do it since March, but...bla bla bla off topic.

Hope you get a break with this, somehow, anyway

Thank you! I don't think I'm even aware that I'm thinking of changing the subject, etc. Most of the time I feel like someone sitting on a raft in the middle of a giant ocean. Just sitting there, floating along, going where the currents take me. I'm not swimming in the ocean, but I know it's there... Sometimes a wave will splash me so I feel some of the water, but then it dries and I go back to just sitting there.
I'm glad massage has helped you so much! I identify with so much you said. I hate anyone knowing my weak spots as well. Massage says, 'Vulnerability!' to me. And it sounds terrifying. I have a hard time with handshakes at this point, haha!
Has the Covid been what stopped you from massaging? It's hurt so many people. I hope that it runs down so everyone can get back to their normal lives.

Yeah...I wasn't working much before Covid, but it felt like things would pick up eventually. It's been a hit. Was telling myself "just another bump in the road"..."roll with the punches"...then eventually anxiety started kicking in... everything got overly complex.
I feel really lucky to have two therapists that have stuck with me and proved to be patient and trustworthy. I'm still fairly self conscious, but less so.
Sorry if it's a tough question, but is there still any abuse in your life? Or anyone that's really pushing your buttons? OK if you don't want to say, or if you want to PM feel free

It seems you therapist is basically trying to get to not to hold all those ill feelings in. That is very good, i only got over mums death once i started crying, it happened later. I still think about mother, but if i held in the feelings my emotions would of been affected to this very day. Let it all go.

I've done tons of crying though.

Maybe the fact that certain things you see on TV have a triggering effect for you @Toughcooki, could point to a possible technique for bringing out your emotions. I'm like you in that, for me, certain movies or certain songs, for whatever reasons, can trigger me to tears. And in those tears I'm able to 'see' the underlying emotion causing it.

So that's one thing I'd like to suggest. Yes, and good on you for trying. There's absolutely nothing to dread from your therapist. Just be honest with them and that's all you need to do. They love it!