Anger

I read an article recently where they are doing a study on how alcohol affects the brain. What they have learned is that when someone is under the influence their "true" character comes out because alcohol slows down the frontal executive part of the brain that we use to make decisions with.

So what happened when you drank is it allowed that vulnerable part to come out in you and you ended up getting picked on. That's awful but the positive is that because of that you will not use alcohol as a crutch or coping mechanism.

The individuals that are MEAN drunks tend to start out relaxed but end up getting meaner the more they consume. This lets out that deep angry part that a person tries to control when they are sober. This mean and even abusive part that comes out with alcohol use often acts out on anger and articulates the individuals true intensions like a desire to get rid of someone and take over their position. These individuals act out their deep resentments and anger which someone they are relating to can be victimized by.

The key is how alcohol affects the frontal lobe that typically controls that deep inner personality of an individual. What is scary is when a person drinks to the point of blackout which their frontal lobe is severely incapacitated and they can get VERY mean and out of control.

I asked you that question because I wondered if you don't drink because you don't like being sensitive. Your answer proved what I had thought.

...it makes sense that you describe it as a social deficit, so you're maybe are getting more fearful, envious and angry in social situations. Maybe you're less inclined to feel embarrassed or a little sad perhaps?
I agree with Open Eyes about narccisistic wounding. I learned recently about healthy shame. I was excessively shamed as a child, and for a long time felt almost constant shame/embarrassment as I was super sensitive to it, but it can easily go the other way...that you can switch off from it. I've done that too, for short amounts of time, and got in some stupid situations, and felt all the more defensive afterwards.
I don't know if I'm right to say this, but I think it's kind of usual in friend groups to have a bit of a pecking order, and have a bit of joking at others expense...just so nobody takes themselves way too seriously! Not too much obviously...not to the point of bullying. I don't know whether your friend was mean (he maybe isn't really a friend to you), or if he was trying to make you laugh.
There's no way to know who's really a friend, if you are totally defensive, though.
If a friend said to me "stop being such a *****" and meant it... they're not someone I would open up to. I've got friends that would say way worse just to make me laught though...if I was totally morose I would just appreciate that
Have you ever done any martial arts or self defense classes?

Sometimes I wouldn't know what to say, I had problems with reading social situations etc. Now I'm doing well but sometimes I have to prepare myself... "letting" someone in may require to drop the preparation and... you know what I mean, it's hard to type it down.

Karate for about a year, why? I'm 6.2 feet, 235 pounds so usually I'm the one they are afraid of if you mean that

Who's afraid? Nope, it's more to do with feeling appropriately secure and assertive. A lot of martial arts, and other practices like yoga, tai chi and qigong, help with focus, and accepting your own and other peoples' strengths and weaknesses. You're more likely to be picked on if you're coming across as insecure or aggressive.

Everyone who wants to pick a fight with someone. People respect me, I can tell. Things have changed (as I said in the first post) but I don't let anyone come close. That's the issue.

It's kind of a cycle isn't it?...not being able to get close, because of anger, then feeling anger for missing out. You know fear does not equal respect?

Yeah. I've got nothing. The only thing in my life I can't deal with

Believing that everyone is your enemy is a false belief. Sure, we may acquire a few enemies in life, but not all are enemies. Not all are out to get you. Be realistic with yourself about who your true enemies are - look at the concrete evidence in front of you. And if there is no evidence, there is no enemy.

I understand the frustration. My family just do not care about me, i have one sister that talks to me, no one else bothers. I have 5 brothers and sisters. I usually have to make the first move. Loveless family are a dime a dozen in these times. Just stay strong and work on success in relationships. Its not good to do things alone, you have a family and as we have families, we should invest in them.

Just had a week off and I feel free again. I've been disconnected from reality for the last 7 days and I've been doing whatever I wanted to. The result is that I feel great. !