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Old 01-07-2019, 12:11 PM #201
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Default Re: Petals

Are you eyeballing me?
I can't remember how
They fell out or what
They came to blows about.
Fred kept saying
Are you eyeballing me?
You are eyeballing me.
I would stop eyeballing me.
Douch. Looked at me
The wrong way.
A dirty look, says it all.
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Old 01-07-2019, 01:11 PM #202
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Default Act your age...

Not your shoe size.
Girl powa. Power.
Why did I have
To be Fred's first
Serious, adult relationship.
I did not warrant
Him with a reply
Most of the time.
Usually: can you hear yourself?
He may have did
The same to some
Other girl but I felt
He was just
Being Machiavellian because
He knew he could
Away with it.
I never threw,
That watch back at him.
When we split
I only said he was
Too possessive.
He never hit me.
If he ever did hit me,
Eventually I would
Have trashed something.
And I would have
Made sure it
Was something important.
And after seeing
The panic on his face
When the pipe burst.
And when he chased
The loons who
Kicked the football
And broke his wing mirror.
He would have reported
Me to the police
And I would have
Wound up in
The hospital and
I would be the bad one.
This is all hypothetical.
I think everyone
Thought we would
Get back together
When it ended.
I mean what other guy
Would put up
With my nonsense?
I know I went
Off the rails.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 01-07-2019 at 02:32 PM.
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Old 01-07-2019, 01:28 PM #203
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Default This is: the bit of stuff .

I said I felt trapped
When I was online.
Freedom felt like
An illusion to me.
It was reserved
For the male gender.
Maybe sometimes I
Did wish I was
A free child.
I was essentially
Just a product
Of my up-bringing.
A textbook case.
A fully fledged cliche.
I really had nowhere
Else to go.
I could not go
Back to my parents.
And I would never
Expect a friend to
Help me out.
On one hand
I felt foolish, why
Would someone keep
Me trapped? But
It was circumstantial,
Not me personally.
I was hardly a trophy wife.
This is the bit of stuff.
The bit of stuff
Has a name, I snapped
Once to Fred when
He introduced me
To a work colleague.
I was actually lucky
Compared to some
Who had been in hospital.
I was not blinkered.
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Old 01-07-2019, 01:56 PM #204
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Default A second class citizen

I was really just
A victim of circumstance.
My breakdown de-railed
My whole life.
Why pretend otherwise?
It changed me.
And when Fred
Said the reason
For my feeling's
Were ward fou-wer,
It was intended
To hurt and it
Hurt more because
It was true.
I felt like
A spectator, and
I was powerless
To do anything
About it. My
Wickedness excluded me.
Whatever happened to
Commit the crime
Do the time?
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Old 01-07-2019, 02:29 PM #205
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Default Re: Petals

I did not change overnight.
It took more than
One month for
Me to hit earth.
Most of my youth I
Had this melancholy,
And restless energy.
I am still restless.
The reality of being
Hospitalised slowly
Dawned on me.
Nobody should underestimate
That the actual
Breakdown is not
The worst part.
The cleaning up
The mess is.
Then in my case
My brain shut down
And if I was depressed
Before, it was
Clinical depression-
The real deal
That floor a person.
I bit my nails
While watching t.v.
And I was never
Ever a nail biter.
I did not watch
The music channels.
I could not get
Into anything.
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Old 01-07-2019, 02:42 PM #206
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Default Pinned by wrists

Fred pinned me down
Quite a few times.
To be honest I
Only said the wrists
Because they asked.
I was kicking myself
For revealing it.
It was alway's
The wrists first.
To stop any chance
Fighting back.
Like a punch or slap
From me would
Have hurt Fred.
He was really strong.
He was unaturally
Really really strong.
The house warming
Incident, was different
Seeing as he had
A hot iron in his hand.
I never predicted the
Times he pinned
Me down because
The argument was
Never that bad.
Or I threw the remote.
He would go ape
If I broke something.
Made me feel
Like a kid again.
He tripped me up
On the road because
I said I would not
Go home with him.
If I phone your
Folks, they( the hospital)
Will lock you up.
When he knelt
On my chest,
That was the first
Time I feared for my life.
Froggy told her
Co-workers when she
Saw us from up
In the cafe: oh Laura
Is probably moaning
At him as usual.
He deserves a medal
Putting up with her.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 01-07-2019 at 03:05 PM.
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Old 01-07-2019, 03:33 PM #207
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Default Re: Petals

I like our dialect
Fit fit, fits fit fit.
Fred at times
Sounded like he
Was laying it on thick.
This was one reservation
I had about him
Before we were an item.
I can see myself
As a mum: quit
Speaking like a commoner!
What like dad?
Suit yourself.
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Old 01-07-2019, 03:44 PM #208
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Default Re: Petals

Having a pale complexion
Can make dress
Shopping tricky.
And trying to
Take attention away
From the hips.
A wedding ok
So not black or white.
I am not sure
Why I go for red.
It was not inconspicuous.
And I did not
Want to stand out.
No spray tan.
I have never worn
Fake tan or
Had a spray tan.
And I do not
Put blusher on
Because I will
Flush when I drink.
When I see the photo's
I do not look
A picture of health.
I wish I had my
Make up done
By the salon or
Went on the
Sunbeds and gave
My nails a varnish.
Acrylic nails not
My cup of tea.
A halter neck
For smaller bust
Size say magazines.
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Old 01-07-2019, 04:00 PM #209
Anonymous32895 Anonymous32895 is offline
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Default Re: Petals

Glasses like Deirdre Barlow.
That was all the rage.
No. They were NHS bad boys.
You could have brushed
Your hair before
The photograph says
My ol'dear. So
It was all my fault.
She didn't even
Know or care that
It was picture day.
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Old 01-08-2019, 05:26 AM #210
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Default Elvis

I felt trapped.
Stuck, is a
Better description.
Because of hospital,
I found that I was
Not happy with
Any aspect of my life.
The circumstance I
Found myself was
All related to
The breakdown.
Job, friends, social life,
Love life, family.
My rut was more
External than me.
It was my life.
And I would not
Don rose tinted glasses.
I was not going
To act it
Was all hunky dory.
I would have got
Therapy when
I was ready.
The only thing
Keeping me in
My home town
Was: my man
Said neighbour Jolene.
I had no other reason
To stay put.
Did Fred not
Realise I was
A shadow of
My former self?
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