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Old 02-15-2019, 09:43 AM #431
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Default Hi Voltage

There was no urgency
For me to pass.
I had to save
For a car first.
I was more interested
In drinking and partying.
I should have trusted
My instincts and switched
But I was getting so close
I decided to stick with it.
They were maybe good
With the young guys
But not as adept
With young girls.
He meandered off to
Speak about unconnected
And incongruous things anyway.
They just took
The wrong approach
That did not suit me.
I won't blame them.
I quit in the run up
To hospital so
My staying power
Was wavering too.
I am sort of glad
I left it and came back
Because I may have
Been quite reckless
At that stage of my life.
Partly the bi-polar
And the other thrill seeking.
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Old 02-15-2019, 11:51 AM #432
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Default Fun and games

Since you've been gone.
If he had not knelt on
My chest till I blacked out
Then maybe I would
Have posted this one.
I was not that strident.
I was thin but even
Pretty was a push
I shined up ok
With some make up
And chicken fillets.
Disaster zone. Even
After rehab, I refused
To believe I had bo^lock^ed
Up completely. There's more
Than one way
To skin a cat.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 02-15-2019 at 12:56 PM.
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Old 02-16-2019, 07:46 AM #433
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Default Not my childhood friend

Sympathiser, an old friend,
Was only eighteen.
They were my oldest friend.
My friend thought I could
Do with a nice boyfriend,
Not the physical stuff.
What was Patricks excuse?
He was a grown man who
Prided himself on looking
Out for his students.
Why did he turn on me?
He went on to tell my then boyfriend
That nobody would think
Bad of him if he left me.
I was on suicide watch.
He was actually good
To me in my youth
And said I was humble,
I just had to be more confident.
It was soul destroying
When someone you look
Up to in your youth
Does not stick up for you.
I forgive them, sure.
A lot of time has passed
Now and I want
To move on and let
Everyone else do the same.
I will give him some credit
And I do believe he
Realises he was wrong.
He did not realise
I was on suicide watch.
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Old 02-16-2019, 09:36 AM #434
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Default Re: surpassing winding up

Quote:
Originally Posted by Balthascar810 View Post
He was clever
And could have
Done engineering.
He just said some
Incredibly ill thought out jokes.
He thought he was
Winding me up.
But he went
Over the mark.
That was why
It just exasperated me.
Maybe you will.
Maybe you won't.
Fred does not Listen
To anyone, I said
When I was
At his house once
And he would
Not leave his
Sister in peace
And I knew
He was wrong
About the person
He was speaking about.
Passed winding up.
Passed out in bathroom.
The past would
Not stay buried.
The elephant was
Still with me, everywhere.
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Old 02-16-2019, 09:46 AM #435
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Default K Clarkson

Fred never said I had
Something wrong with me.
But he never said I
Had come through
My problems, through
To the other side
And that deserves
Some kind of recognition
Or well done.
He did not say:
He was with me
Because I was
Fine the way I was.
But I was not fine.
I went too far
The other direction.
I never strayed
Too far from
The sidewalk any more.
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Old 02-17-2019, 07:44 AM #436
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Default Coyote trunchball

We learn more from our mistakes.
Best are chicks. How's u chickadee.
Lights flashing. Whisky in the drawer.
When you do the right thing
All the time and seem to not
Get anything in return,
Then maybe there's another way.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 02-17-2019 at 08:03 AM.
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Old 02-17-2019, 01:15 PM #437
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Default Taken for granted

You would take a bullet..
What about ME?
Give me one good
Reason you never bailed?
He took me for granted
Because of the hospital.
When you feel you are
Not worth the same
As other people
This unsettled feeling
Begins to simmer then boil.
And I needed a push
To help me leave.
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Old 02-18-2019, 08:07 AM #438
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Default Fountain of knowledge

Is it one of my two?
I bet it is one of my two.
Checking the court websites.
Thriving off of drama and misfortune.
Of course I would question
If the tears were
For themself, and not me
And my future.
They never even
Looked at my exam results.
And telling the whole town
I ruined a holiday
When it was just
The pair being
Dramatic as^holes for
Their buddies drinking
At the watering hole
Foutain of knowledge.
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Old 02-18-2019, 03:20 PM #439
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Default Vultures

I could see them at the door.
None were patients at the time.
They were a pack of vultures
Those lost boys. A young
Lass, first admission only 18.
I felt almost like prey.
The boys my friends
Hung around with as teens were
Not like that at all.
They got high and
Did not work but they
Were not vultures.
I have seen them
Try and stop a young man
From drinking not encourage them.
Telling him he will
Make himself not well and
They would move the earth
To get him away from it
And stop him getting alcohol.
I knew those vultures
Were real bad news.
How did my life get
To the point where
I befriended people
That I avoided like the plague
When I was growing up?
The vultures were dangerous
And far too unpredictable.
I knew all about them. So why?
Societies views on m.h.?
My support networks
Pessimistic view on my recovery chances?
I could not be picky
When it came to friends
After being in the Looney bin.
Even though it is not such.
Even though good people
From all walks of life
Have passed through.
I felt I was stamped
With "one of them" label.
A waste of space.
Because I was young.
And I was not well off.
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Old 02-18-2019, 03:38 PM #440
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Default Deep pan pizza and diet coke

Quote:
Originally Posted by Balthascar810 View Post
I was not numb.
I tried opening up
After being pressed
And I felt I had
Revealed too much.
I cried in the bathroom
All the time. At Freds.
Sometimes things do
Not hit me until later.
I used to struggle
With feeling my feelings.
But that was
Just my life and
The way a person
Adapts in order to survive.
I struggled with feeling feelings
In a way a recovering alcoholic
On the twelve step programme does.
In the way a person who
Has been brought up
By authoritarian parents does.
In the way a child that was
Forced to be neutral when
Some said person
Turns up out the blue
To rock the boat.
In the way a kid who has
Been lied to constantly
By nearly everyone in their life.
In the way depression
Slowly saps your energy
And sense of self and being.
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