advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-02-2020, 01:09 PM   #121
Lunatyc
Member
Lunatyc has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 130 (SuperPoster!)
Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

Forgive me but I always
Thought that the perfect
Person for you
Wasn't always perfect.
I don't think I could
Trust a person who
Cannot admit that
They have flaws.
We always love characters
With flaws more
Than two dimensional heroes.
It makes them real.
I seriously believe he
Suffered from black and white thinking.
Forget narcissistic traits
And the rest of that psycho babble.
To him, if women were not
Nurturing care givers
Then they were s***ts.
Lunatyc is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:

advertisement
Old Yesterday, 02:55 AM   #122
Lunatyc
Member
Lunatyc has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 130 (SuperPoster!)
Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

In another life
It wouldn't have
Been jail. I was mistaken.
I may have dabbled
At the very worst.
If I had a family
Who really cared,
I would have been
Put to therapy and
Hospital may never
Have been on my cards.
My life combined
With bipolar ensured
A hospital stay was unavoidable.
The experts know that all ready,
It's no revelation.
It takes environment and genes.
Nature and nurture and
Live events and experience.
If I had a good career
I would never
Have been in
Hospital the second time.
If I hadn't been in
A bad relationship
And had someone
Who could say they loved me,
I could have rebuilt my life
Instead of feeling stuck and damned.

Last edited by Lunatyc; Yesterday at 03:08 AM..
Lunatyc is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old Yesterday, 04:18 AM   #123
Lunatyc
Member
Lunatyc has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 130 (SuperPoster!)
Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

I knew they were being an imp.
That I didn't even sweat
As a teen. They couldn't
Have cared less if
They had put
A rumour into motion. I didn't.
Thankfully the girls
All knew she was joking.
My shoes were fine
They didn't smell.
I was the clown?
The immature one?
If you flare your
Nostrils and the wind
Changes you will be
Like tonks for rest of your day's.
Lunatyc is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 05:16 AM   #124
Lunatyc
Member
Lunatyc has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 130 (SuperPoster!)
Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

I didn't have a lot
Of faith and trust left
In people when
I landed in hospital.
The doctors had kept
Me in the dark
When I was 18
Until I was discharged.
They made the right
Decision in the end and
Shared the results with me alone.
I was a little mad I was
Left out of earlier discussions.
But I knew they were doing
Their job and had a duty
To collect background information.
They weren't going to
Hold me prisoner,
Until I talked.
It was not prison.
I hadn't committed a crime.
The episode subsided
And I was allowed home.
I made the decision that
Art therapy wasn't
Going to be beneficial.
All I needed was rest.
And even that was
A mean feat.
At home with my family.
But if I had to choose
Between staying in hospital
Or putting up with
A little family grief
Then the latter was
Going to have to suffice.
A home to rest at
Is the best therapy.
And some people
Aren't lucky enough to have that.

Last edited by Lunatyc; Yesterday at 05:30 AM..
Lunatyc is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 08:25 AM   #125
Lunatyc
Member
Lunatyc has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 130 (SuperPoster!)
Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

Why are you lying in
The corridor with
Your alarm clock?
My hubby is mongolled.
Did you just figure that out?
No, He is pisshed.
When is he not,
So you are sleeping out here?
Had a whiskey yourself?
He's on the couch singing
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all.
Not simply the best?
No, he's a mongol.
OK, sure I'll see you
Later on in the week
Playing dominoes or cards.
I was on back shift
And back in at 7 am.
Lunatyc is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 01:02 PM   #126
Lunatyc
Member
Lunatyc has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 130 (SuperPoster!)
Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

I told the doctor
I couldn't remember anything.
Only switching off
The electric because I
Could hear the electricity humming.
It wasn't a lie or paranoia,
There were some
Faulty sockets in the house.
After an episode
Dredging up memories
Was the last thing I needed.
But they couldn't hold on to me
And wring me out
Like a wet cloth.
After a full scale meltdown
I'm surprised I wasn't
Referred to a psychologist.
I do know that they
Are like gold dust
In the no hope society.
I think they sensed
I was: please prescribe
My tablet and let me go.
I didn't want to
Talk about the breakdown.
And I don't think
I could have lived
At home while seeing a shrink.
My parents would
Have found out.
Someone would have
Seen me go the department.
And they would have
Started up the rigmarole
They would do to
Me after I saw my father.
Why are you
Acting sketchy little girl?
Been making up stories
To the quacks?
I'm not sure what
I would have done
If psychology had said
I was better away from family.
If I was placed in a b n b,
My family would have told
Everyone that I was a liar.
They would have requested
A face to face meeting
With the doctors
To see what I had said in private.
Seeing as I was clearly
Well and compos mentis,
And an adult by
Law in this country,
I don't think they
Would have divulged.
If I was opening
Up old wounds, all the
Feelings would have
Bubbled up and over and I
Would have fallen
Out with them. I told
My mum once that
I hated her guts,
And I felt so guilt stricken.
All she did was blow
Her top at me and
Scream at me.
Never have kids especially a girl.
I was made to feel unwanted.
I rage back once and
She cried like a kid,
Said I was a horrible child
Who would learn the hard way and
Cried to my step
Dad and the neighbours
Painting me as the bad one.
She was so emotionally manipulating.
She didn't do it with my sibling.
I got all the grief. My grandparents
Couldn't see past her.
I guess my brain dulled
My emotions for a reason
When I was really young.
As I got older
I began to wear
My heart on my sleeve.
It was either that or be a
Passing recipient of fate.
I don't regret needing
A little help.
I'd be dead otherwise,
Plain and simple.
I was in a hell of a bind.
It wasn't of my own making.
That's what made
Me different and the
Medical team knew it.
Psychiatry is not quack science.
But for me I had
To choose art over science,
With the life I had.
If my life had been different,
I could have had a technical job
Requiring an anylitical mind
But it wasn't to be.
I didn't need to
Explain it to myself.
But not everybody
Seemed to understand my choices.
My father at the top of the list,
And then my grandfather.
He expressed his deep
Disappointment in me.
In a way I am glad
He was honest. At least
I knew someone
Had high hopes for me
Aside from my father.
I looked up to my grandfather.
It was a difficult and complicated
Relationship with my father.
And it was a weight on my mind
Letting down my grandparents.
I wouldn't forget the
Feeling in a hurry.

Last edited by Lunatyc; Yesterday at 03:15 PM..
Lunatyc is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old Yesterday, 01:47 PM   #127
Lunatyc
Member
Lunatyc has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 130 (SuperPoster!)
Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

I was good enough for
Art school but I saw
Myself as a one trick pony.
I enjoyed painting people.
I would have been
Encouraged to be more versatile.
To use a wider variety
Of subject material: open my mind.
I wasn't good at
Being told what to do.
Of course it was advice
And not orders.
But a young me
May have misconstrued their teachings.
My authoritarian up bringing
Made me that way.
Untrustworthy of others advice.
Still, I have no hard feelings
For those who
Mistook my rebellion for laziness.
Because I knew it meant
I was capable of more.
There was no way they
Could have known
About the psychological
Stress I was placed under at home.
The breakdown was the intervention I needed.
It wasn't a blessing in disguise.
But it was better happening
When it did. I had a
Chance to build back up
And start over.
Smile, it will never happen.
It had happened to me.
It changed me.
Life had moulded me
Into a force to be reckoned with.
And all of a sudden
I should just give up?
Forget being happy,
Just be happy with my lot and be
A passing recipient of fate?

Last edited by Lunatyc; Yesterday at 02:07 PM..
Lunatyc is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old Today, 03:27 PM   #128
Lunatyc
Member
Lunatyc has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 130 (SuperPoster!)
Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

I was the one who
Slept on the couch.
Get your humdingers off
Me, you are heavy!
And he tries to kiss me.
I spurn his amorous effort.
Get the f*** off my bed then
I paid for it. I take care of you mind
I pay for everything.
No you don't.
I only stayed in this flea pit
Because I thought you
Were the only one
Who actually cared about me.
You are full of it.
You can't even say you love me.
I go down to couch.
He comes down without fail.
He doesn't say sorry.
Just come to bed. Come to bed.
Come back to bed.
I'm fine here.
Get to bed. Now. Get to bed.
Well, were not doing anything.
Whatever. Get to bed.
You need a proper sleep for work.
I thought you paid for everything?
I'd be a hermit if
You lose your job.
I relent and say ok.
I don't need to say,
We're still not doing anything.
He never pushed for anything.
Lunatyc is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:40 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.