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Old 08-02-2020, 07:35 AM   #161
Lunatyc
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Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

He was the closest
I had to a person
To confide in.
He was there.
He heard me.
He didn't necessarily
Listen a lot of the time.
But in the early days
He was one of the
First people who
Took my side.
My friends never did.
He saw and acknowledged
How thug picked on me
And that there was more
To my family situation
Than them being too strict.
Of course I appreciated him.
But I couldn't live
Forever in his debt.
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Old 08-06-2020, 10:38 AM   #162
Lunatyc
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Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

Ammemd impoverished manifestation.
I felt poor. We were working class.
I wasn't poor. But by this countries
Standard I was at a disadvantage.
I felt the gulf between us
And how the other half lived.
I would have been
Competing with a lot
Of people who were
From more affluent backgrounds.
That was only one barrier-
It was in my mind.
We were not poor.
We were normal working class.
School had failed me.
So of course I
Would have had strong
Feelings of self doubt.
My English teacher
In first year was encouraging.
It was about then
That the mental wall
I had been building
Started to cause me trouble.
The mania began to
Rear its ugly head
In the following years.
I locked it away
After being in rehab at eighteen.
Without the unconscious wall
And my defence mechanisms,
God only knows
What path I may have taken.
Maybe everything belongs
The way it was?
I wouldn't change anything now.
My only regrets are not
Thinking before speaking
Or was I simply being young?
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Old 08-07-2020, 07:49 AM   #163
Lunatyc
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Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

If I can forgive my parents
And my old flame
Then I have to forgive them
For saying no one would
Judge him for leaving me.
For saying outright
That he should leave me.
I can't harbour Ill feelings forever.
I'm not mad at any of them any longer.
Time to move on.
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Old Yesterday, 08:00 AM   #164
Lunatyc
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Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

It would also be unfair
Of me to attribute
The wall to one single incident
That happened as a child.
Their reaction and course
Of action was wrong.
But I would be a complete hypocrite
To not forgive a person
For making one mistake
When I have committed
My fair share of misdeeds.
I am sorry for
Putting anyone under the spotlight.
Please believe me
That once I seal the wound
Shut it will stay that way.
I used to think success
Was the best form of revenge.
Where in reality it is
Living your life.
Being your best self.
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