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Old 05-26-2020, 02:17 PM   #31
Lunatyc
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Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

I always hated physical violence.
A person does not
Do boxing or martial arts
In order to fight bullies.
It's a way to channel energy
And give you strength
Of mind as well as body.
My parents were super strict
And they banned
Me from some places
My friends hung out
So I started to train more.
I worked very hard
And it paid off.
I don't regret
Not getting to spend time
With a gang who
Chanted support
For bigotted and racist factions.
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Old 05-27-2020, 04:12 AM   #32
Lunatyc
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Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

He would intentionally
Consider trying to put me through
All the heartache again?
Knowing how hard
It was the first time.
Knowing how much I had lost.
Knowing how humiliating it is.
Knowing I'd lose my job.
Knowing there were
Potentially violent men there.

Last edited by Lunatyc; 05-27-2020 at 07:23 AM..
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Old 05-27-2020, 08:42 AM   #33
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Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

Condensation on the windows
P*** titts. Geek of the week.
Gimp. Dweeb. Scoob.
Not everyone told him to leave.
Only one person
Had the gall to approach
Him and had the brass neck
To say, he should leave.
My parents didn't
Say leave, they didn't
Hope he would stay either.
They expected a
Young lad would know
There was plenty more
Fish in the sea.
Could he handle the gossip?
Spit it out.

Last edited by Lunatyc; 05-27-2020 at 11:04 AM..
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Old 05-27-2020, 11:17 AM   #34
Lunatyc
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Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

Would I have went
Off the rails?
I can't be certain.
I was always going to have
To deal with the bipolar.
And that was always
Going to mean a hospital stay.
And the worst
Of my problems
Has always been the hospital
And people's perceptions
About those who have
Had psychiatric help.
I had made my
Peace with the what if's.
You can't adopt that mindset
Or you won't survive.
I had to deal
With my present situation.
Not compare myself to others.
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Old 05-27-2020, 01:51 PM   #35
Lunatyc
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Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

Boys get more.
That's what I
Alway's got told.
I knew it was wrong.
I would never
Argue with my family.
An aunt saw how
I got ignored and mistreated.
She said keep doing art.
Thank god I never
Signed up at 16
Like my parents
Tried to push me to.
They made me feel unwanted.
And they will always
Think of me as
Some airy fairy, who
Couldn't get a real job.
I knew she'd end up
A waste of space like her father.
Pathetic excuse of a human being
Needing hospital for mental health.
The doctors can't
Find anything wrong with her?
I wish they would
Hurry up and find something.
If she'd went into hospital
When she was younger
We could have put
Her into care
To get her off our hands.
Now we will probably be lumbered
With a waste of space.

Last edited by Lunatyc; 05-27-2020 at 02:39 PM..
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Old 05-27-2020, 02:16 PM   #36
Lunatyc
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Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

He did try and treat
Us the same.
He was the only
One who had his
S*** together.
But here's the thing.
He said to me
That he stayed
Because of me too.
To help me.
But in order
To save his own skin
-him and my mum-
They wanted a diagnosis.
They were so afraid
Of me talking
They actually hoped,
That I had a brain tumour or encephalitis.
The bipolar alone
Was not enough
To make me self destructive.
The doctor was not fooled.
But I couldn't
Put my faith in a stranger.
I was used to being abandoned.
By my father, some friends.
Not feeling wanted
By my family and
Having my grandparents
Poisoned against me.
If I had spoken up,
To the doctor
My family would have
Told everyone that
Whatever I told
The doctors in private
Was a lie. That I was
Lying because I had something
"Wrong" with me.
I would have been
Completely ostracised by
Everyone including
My beloved grandparents.
If the doctor had
Told my parents that they
Suspected I had a disorder,
They would have
Told people in the pub,
All their pals and associates
Not realising it would
Send me over the edge.
My mum likes sympathy.
I however am different.
I can't stand to be pitied.
Owning the pain
Feels like a cop out.
That in the free world
I should have nobody
To blame but myself.
That I need to
Put my problems in perspective.
But I should own the pain.
It wasn't just bipolar
That landed me in hospital.
My life had a big hand
To play in it too.

Last edited by Lunatyc; 05-27-2020 at 03:10 PM..
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Old 05-28-2020, 05:27 AM   #37
Lunatyc
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Default Re: Memoirs in abstract

My parents didn't listen to the doctors.
They listened to conspiracy
Theories they heard in the pub.
He was so arrogant because
My family had him on a pedestal.
He didn't listen to me
So when the doctor
Told me not to
Give up on having a career,
All I got was the cold shoulder.
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