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hamster-bamster
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Default Jan 10, 2013 at 09:21 PM
  #1
I have DP traits based on MCMI but not the full-blown disorder. I am in T. I have good friendships, can be alone for extended periods of time, do date as of recently, do work although my work assignment is temp, and have good r/s at work. I am recovering for being hugely dependent on H/then ex H, to the point of submitting to his wishes in unconscionable forms, such as giving up our daughters to him, giving up great education and great employment because he wished so, etc.

What steps should one take in daily life upon learning of this DX?
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katiedidntdoit
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Default Mar 12, 2013 at 07:48 PM
  #2
Hi,
Have you been diagnosed with DPD or any PD by a professional? I received a dx of personality disorder NOS, with traits of DPD, in November, in the course of. This means I have a PD (enough of the general traits to qualify) but don't fit into any category. Not that the formal diagnosis matters that much, everything changes in new DSM.
I have help numerous very responsible jobs, do not have a problem being alone, etc., but I have serious dependency issues with my dad. I have also had severe major depression for years, with only occasional breaks. I received my dx after an incredibly thorough evaluation by a team of mental health workers including psychiatrists, individual psychodymanic therapists, social workers, and psychologists, and they said that I needed intensive psychotherapy (even analysis) 3-4 times a week indefinitely to work on developing autonomy and agency. I'm now undergoing this therapy (along with CBT) and have had some insights that have helped me realize the scary extent to which I am dependent.

Am I correct that you are no longer dependent on your H/ex-H? That would be a big step, although from what I've read you may need to watch out for becoming dependent on someone else. For myself, I have realized how often I say "I can't" do something - it is truly shocking!!! I am trying to catch myself any time I am saying this (to myself or someone else), and I try to force myself to do whatever the uncomfortable thing is. I have some difficult living situations that I am trying to deal with and hopefully extricate myself from over time. I have also realized how often I have blamed someone else for something when actually I had a choice and could have avoided the unpleasant outcome - so I am trying to catch myself and figure out what is really going on if I have the urge to blame someone. But it isn't like there is a set of exercises that you can do. I think you will need to identify places where you are maybe being passive and letting something happen to you - especially if there are people that you tend to defer to. I'm really no expert but thought I would at least try to give you my thoughts on your question!
Aaaaah! I am just seeing that you live in N. CA, I moved from the bay area (had been there 10 years) to Washington, DC, almost 2 years ago, doing what my dad said to do. I miss the area so badly. I sort of despair of ever being able to return - the economic downturn threw a monkey wrench into my career and I don't know that I can ever get back into it, let alone get back into it and get to live in the bay area as I want to. Try not to take it for granted!!
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Thanks for this!
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Default Mar 15, 2013 at 06:56 PM
  #3
You are correct. I am no longer dependent on H/ex H. However, I have already sacrificed so much that I am just tired of counting the losses.

I gave up custody of my two children with him and visitation rights and once I wanted as little as reunification therapy for me and my two daughters who live with him, he and his attorney created a deadlock and sabotaged out-of-court resolution, so on Thursday I will go into mandatory mediation in court hoping to get therapy for my and my daughters whom I have not seen since the fall of 2012. I gave up custody and visitation rights in 2009. I was not represented by an attorney - my own choice. Later, I gave him not only all my money which did not belong to him because it was my inheritance (so even in our community property state it was not his), but also the money that my mother left to my son from my previous marriage (she left it to me to distribute the money, without formally mentioning her grandson in her will). He used to be a psychotherapist and he convinced me that I had all sorts of diseases, and I in turned related all of that to various doctors who put me on hardcore medications that caused too many side effects to list and caused damage that can only partially be reversed. I also sacrificed two careers and one advanced degree. So I am just unsure that in whatever time is left for me to live I can recover the damage.
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Meisjes
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Default Mar 15, 2013 at 07:20 PM
  #4
Hi hamster.....I am so sorry you have lost so much and that you do not have contact with your daughters. that has got to be the hardest. I do hope you will be able to connect with them again soon and that your time in mediation and legal issues will be more kind than harsh. Wish you the best.
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