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Old 10-18-2014, 03:07 PM #11
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Default Re: How I understood and then escaped

Hi Vital, thanks for your insight . That's a really cool way of looking at it.

So, I agree with what you are saying. The actual underlying thing is to bring back the power/control back into your life (which leads to decision making).

I want to probe your mind a little further. Don't you think it has to do with the sensitivity of a person and their personality too? This is what I think happened in my life - I made a poor decision once or twice a few years ago. Now, I'm a sensitive/cautious type of person. I only have to screw something up once to know that I screwed up. What I want to know is, don't you perhaps think that because I screwed up once or twice when I made a decision or two in my life, that I unconsciously said to myself that I am rubbish at making decisions? And, as a result, I stopped making decisions and this resulted in depression, like you say? I find it is normally the more sensitive and cautious person that is prone to depression (try to find a thick-skinned, insensitive person somewhere who is not happy - they are all happy!).

I want to disagree with you a little bit. Your unconscious-decision hypothesis is spot on in my estimation, but I think there is more than one root cause that causes THAT. A few things that actually precede that.

I believe that something, which is not apparent yet, was removed from your life somewhere along the line and that allowed you to take control and make decisions again. I think the answer is TOXIC PEOPLE. Yes, there are people that fuel our depression for sure. My dad is one of them. But, funnily enough, it is the things he did in the past that drove this whole problem. You see, I agree totally with your hypothesis, because my dad was the kind of person that made decisions on my behalf. He is quite a narcissistic person I reckon. OK, he has cooled down now, but the damage is done to you as a child I think.

For a long time, I actually felt scared of making decisions, and I always tried to make a decision that would please others. I have improved a lot since then when I just decided one day SCREW that, I'm going to do what makes me happy. A lot of my depression has dissipated since. I have one or two decisions that still hang over my head because they are binding, but I'm determined to pay my dues to it and put it behind me.

Basically, the depression started going away when I began thinking about what I want. Why must everything revolve around other people? Sure, you can care about others, but they must live their own lives, not rob you of yours.

Another thing that I did was to be cool with who I am. Yes, I have autism, OCD, ADD, APD and the list goes on. But, I came to a point where I said, why is this wrong? It is wrong because other people are calling it wrong! They just assume there must be something "wrong" with me. I replaced the word wrong with "gifted" "extraordinary" "unique" or even "special". Yeah, I know, it's kind of being full of myself, and yes, after a life of being a yes-man to my father, it feels like I'm being bad, but maybe that's what I need to make me feel better about myself.

It's the definitions in your life that need to change. And, you empower yourself when YOU redefine them the way YOU like. It was a major boost for me the day I realized I had my own brain to follow and that you don't even need to call things what other people call them. In fact, I even think the word depression is wrong all together. I would actually call it emotional recession. I forgot, being autistic, the amazing gifts/talents I had. I told myself, there is no-one else who can do all of the things I do. I started with my work - I put a unique touch to everything I did, put my own stamp on it. Soon, the compliments from colleagues started pouring in.

The day I stopped speaking after other people and mindlessly rehashed all the jargon and speech they use in daily life, is the day I broke the back of my depression.

Basically, all I did was:

- Identify the toxic people who fuel my depression/lack of decision making - they are normally the control freaks in your life.

- Avoid these toxic people as much as possible. When they do get hold of you, do what they request, but put your stamp on whatever it is you do. It forces them to respect you and they'll even start allowing you to make decisions on their behalf. You'll soon see they're almost pathetic really, the way they try to control even the uncontrollable. Avoid them, because they feed on depressed people, depressed people are easy to control!

- Realize, that by screwing up one decision, it doesn't mean you suck at decision making. Because, when you think about it, not making a decision is still making a decision, so there's no avoiding it, ever. Best then to put your mark on it, and if you're gonna make a choice, you might as well make one that suits you best.

Thanks again, Vital, for your inspirational hypothesis, it is very unique and insightful .
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Old 10-18-2014, 07:22 PM #12
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Default Re: How I understood and then escaped

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Originally Posted by cryingontheinside View Post
I feel very optomistic about this. Cant remember the last time i felt optomistic. Thanks again for sharing this with us.
I'm almost overwhelmed with happiness for your progress cryingontheinside.

I find Snap Club almost magical. It sounds like a superficial trick, but I believe that it is deeply healing the true core of depression. That part of you that decides is your own participation in your own life. In a way, it is your own true inner self. Depression, I believe, has a core. The core is that you lose contact with your true inner self without realizing it.

If your experience is like mine, there are many wonderful effects and realizations in your future. I'm not even going to predict what they will be for you. You can enjoy discovering them for yourself.

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Old 10-18-2014, 08:22 PM #13
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Default Re: How I understood and then escaped

Hi StbGuy,

You seem really healthy, empowered and in touch with your inner self. I was just watching an X-men movie today which fits in perfectly with your logo and "special powers".

I think that the process of becoming depressed is a subconscious and involuntary withdrawal of participation ones own inner self. I think it can happen gradually over years or it may happen relatively suddenly, perhaps, as in PTSD or with those poor dogs in the "learned helplessness" experiments in the 1960s. I don't think it's usually directly a case of bad decisions causing you to subconsciously stop making decisions. I think it's more usually bad feelings over a long period of time which cause you to subconsciously withdraw participation in your own life without even realizing that you have done so. You sort of internally give up without ever deciding anything like that and without realizing that it has happened.

I think you have to try Snap Club to really get it. The effects on me were just profound - not only in thoughts and feelings but my senses are even sharpened. It is the most amazing relief. It's like putting down a huge burden that you didn't realize you have been carrying for most of your life.

As you get more empowered yourself, I think you'll find yourself much less affected by toxic people and much better at being with your dear old dad too.

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Old 10-20-2014, 02:26 PM #14
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Default How I understood and then escaped

Thank you Vital for this. I know that I don't have a chemical embalance but I still become hurt and sad very easily and very quickly. I will try this out and hopefully this can make me gain control of my own self again / make me feel like I am powerful. Thank you for your awesome insight. I will let you know how this works out!


To StbGuy, yes I so agree with you! Sensitive people are prone to depression. I am so so so so so sensitive and it's something I can't change. I try to have different personalities so I don't have to think like I do and get hurt like I do but that is only avoiding my true self (Still need to work on this.) anyways, I love how you said there might be someone who took away your control in the past and YES! Spot on. My friend in 3rd grade made me feel not good enough, my bestfriend in 7th grade completely controlled me (she was a stupid ****in druggie) and she was horrible to me, my bestfriend in 8th-11th grade was a fun person to be around but was a controlling, dominant, hard headed person who loved being the center of attention, and she was selfish so she completely broke my feeling of having power. My mom also (ever since I was young) would tell me what's good or not. I ask Mom is this drawing good? She says I could fix some things(she's an animator). Mom do you like this shirt? No it looks cheap. Then I ask Mom should I do this? Do whatever you want! Stop asking. - okay ummm...?
** I am trying to skip class today because I didn't do my assignment (probably a sign of depression, I just realized) and I have a test today but I am so afraid of my mom saying I need to go but I will either tell her there is no class or something. It's weird I am in my first year of college and she still feels like I am a baby it is so f*ckin annoying. She should let me make my own decisions right or wrong. I know if I go today I will fail the test but she thinks I should always always go to school no matter what**


I have been so used to depending on other people's opinion that I stopped having a mind of my own. I don't TRUST myself. I still don't trust my taste to this day. I don't trust my decision making process to this day because I feel I am stupid or dumb or illogical. It really hurts me. I feel not good enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not enough. It really makes me feel like I am being pulled down by heavy weights shackled on my feet. It sucks. Thanks for letting me think about these things from your wonderful insight.

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Old 10-20-2014, 02:56 PM #15
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Default Re: How I understood and then escaped

I feel empowered everytime i make a decision and in the last few days ive made more descisions than usual and they have all been good discisions and im proud of my self. This is empowering and i am going to continue with this long term.
The only draw back is i wont do the snap process if i am around others as im worried ill look more nutty than usual lol. Other all i am so glad i found out about this and am feeling optomistic.
Thanks vital.
You explained it so well and now i know its not my fault and i am not lazy and i have the ability to regain some control over my life
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Old 10-20-2014, 04:02 PM #16
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Default Re: How I understood and then escaped

I heard something really cool once that a professor at my university said. He said that he liked to view everyone as having an emotional bank balance. You have debits and credits - i.e. things that "withdraw" from it and things that "deposit". If you withdraw too much from someone, he ends up with zero, or even worse, an overdraft/negative balance.

I think like we who are depressed have had too many plunderers raiding our emotional bank balance for far too long. It just happens, the same way a victim of any crime is unsuspecting until he/she realizes what has happened. Just like any robbery, you can't really prepare for it, and no matter how much security you put up, the master criminal bides his time and finds a way around. It's not really our own fault as such, these things happen.

That's why I speak of toxic people. These people are big time withdrawers/takers and don't care how much they take, they just use you up and move on to someone else when you can't supply anymore.

But, by the same token, there are people who deposit too. They are harder to find nowadays, but they still exist. So, that's something I forgot to add - yes, avoid toxic people, but also find fulfilling people, those who can build you up.
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Old 10-20-2014, 04:14 PM #17
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Default Re: How I understood and then escaped

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Originally Posted by Beachlover527 View Post
Thank you Vital for this. I know that I don't have a chemical embalance but I still become hurt and sad very easily and very quickly. I will try this out and hopefully this can make me gain control of my own self again / make me feel like I am powerful. Thank you for your awesome insight. I will let you know how this works out!


To StbGuy, yes I so agree with you! Sensitive people are prone to depression. I am so so so so so sensitive and it's something I can't change. I try to have different personalities so I don't have to think like I do and get hurt like I do but that is only avoiding my true self (Still need to work on this.) anyways, I love how you said there might be someone who took away your control in the past and YES! Spot on. My friend in 3rd grade made me feel not good enough, my bestfriend in 7th grade completely controlled me (she was a stupid ****in druggie) and she was horrible to me, my bestfriend in 8th-11th grade was a fun person to be around but was a controlling, dominant, hard headed person who loved being the center of attention, and she was selfish so she completely broke my feeling of having power. My mom also (ever since I was young) would tell me what's good or not. I ask Mom is this drawing good? She says I could fix some things(she's an animator). Mom do you like this shirt? No it looks cheap. Then I ask Mom should I do this? Do whatever you want! Stop asking. - okay ummm...?
** I am trying to skip class today because I didn't do my assignment (probably a sign of depression, I just realized) and I have a test today but I am so afraid of my mom saying I need to go but I will either tell her there is no class or something. It's weird I am in my first year of college and she still feels like I am a baby it is so f*ckin annoying. She should let me make my own decisions right or wrong. I know if I go today I will fail the test but she thinks I should always always go to school no matter what**


I have been so used to depending on other people's opinion that I stopped having a mind of my own. I don't TRUST myself. I still don't trust my taste to this day. I don't trust my decision making process to this day because I feel I am stupid or dumb or illogical. It really hurts me. I feel not good enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not enough. It really makes me feel like I am being pulled down by heavy weights shackled on my feet. It sucks. Thanks for letting me think about these things from your wonderful insight.
Hi Beachlover, thanks for your compliments! Yes, that's it exactly, the control freaks in one's life slowly erode your self-confidence to a point where you can't even trust your own decision-making power. It is a truly unsettling experience to be honest and it really becomes an obstacle once you are an adult, the time when you need to start making your own decisions. I've screwed up a lot of things because of it, and I'm still paying for it. But, it will take time I guess.
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Old 10-20-2014, 06:43 PM #18
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Default Re: How I understood and then escaped

Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachlover527 View Post
Thank you Vital for this. I know that I don't have a chemical embalance but I still become hurt and sad very easily and very quickly. I will try this out and hopefully this can make me gain control of my own self again / make me feel like I am powerful. Thank you for your awesome insight. I will let you know how this works out!


To StbGuy, yes I so agree with you! Sensitive people are prone to depression. I am so so so so so sensitive and it's something I can't change. I try to have different personalities so I don't have to think like I do and get hurt like I do but that is only avoiding my true self (Still need to work on this.) anyways, I love how you said there might be someone who took away your control in the past and YES! Spot on. My friend in 3rd grade made me feel not good enough, my bestfriend in 7th grade completely controlled me (she was a stupid ****in druggie) and she was horrible to me, my bestfriend in 8th-11th grade was a fun person to be around but was a controlling, dominant, hard headed person who loved being the center of attention, and she was selfish so she completely broke my feeling of having power. My mom also (ever since I was young) would tell me what's good or not. I ask Mom is this drawing good? She says I could fix some things(she's an animator). Mom do you like this shirt? No it looks cheap. Then I ask Mom should I do this? Do whatever you want! Stop asking. - okay ummm...?
** I am trying to skip class today because I didn't do my assignment (probably a sign of depression, I just realized) and I have a test today but I am so afraid of my mom saying I need to go but I will either tell her there is no class or something. It's weird I am in my first year of college and she still feels like I am a baby it is so f*ckin annoying. She should let me make my own decisions right or wrong. I know if I go today I will fail the test but she thinks I should always always go to school no matter what**


I have been so used to depending on other people's opinion that I stopped having a mind of my own. I don't TRUST myself. I still don't trust my taste to this day. I don't trust my decision making process to this day because I feel I am stupid or dumb or illogical. It really hurts me. I feel not good enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not enough. It really makes me feel like I am being pulled down by heavy weights shackled on my feet. It sucks. Thanks for letting me think about these things from your wonderful insight.
Oooo, I'm really excited for you Beachcomber. I think that you are about to have some profound experiences. See my first response to Cryingontheinside for hints about starting. I'll be checking this thread daily if you have any questions.

-v
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Old 10-20-2014, 06:45 PM #19
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Oooo, I'm really excited for you Beachcomber. I think that you are about to have some profound experiences. See my first response to Cryingontheinside for hints about starting. I'll be checking this thread daily if you have any questions.



-v

I am laughing a lot on the inside. I really really love that you called me Beachcomber that is super cute. I am Beachlover!! Roflllll that made me so happy. And i have been doing this for a few hours now. It's just hard to snap every time you do something because I do a lot of things so it is just *snap snap snap .. Snap snap snap snap .... Snap snap snap*
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Old 10-20-2014, 06:54 PM #20
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Smile Re: How I understood and then escaped

Quote:
Originally Posted by cryingontheinside View Post
I feel empowered everytime i make a decision and in the last few days ive made more descisions than usual and they have all been good discisions and im proud of my self. This is empowering and i am going to continue with this long term.
The only draw back is i wont do the snap process if i am around others as im worried ill look more nutty than usual lol. Other all i am so glad i found out about this and am feeling optomistic.
Thanks vital.
You explained it so well and now i know its not my fault and i am not lazy and i have the ability to regain some control over my life
All three of you are making me very happy today.

Only once, I got a funny look from a waitress who was walking away from my table like "did you just snap your fingers at me?" when I just happened to decide what to order then :-). That's the absolute worst thing that happened.

I have definitely noticed, though, that people interact with me differently now. People randomly smile and talk to me much more than before. You might find something like that happening too.

- v
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