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Default Apr 18, 2018 at 07:01 AM
  #1
It has been a really long time, like 4-5 years now, since I found pleasure in anything. For the longest time I was struggling to have the energy to make it through a work day, and the things that I so enjoyed doing, that I was passionate about, I just didn't care about anymore. They seemed frivolous and futile.

I've been working steadily and actively towards recovery. Pushing and forcing my brain to function again. I'm happy in the last few months I've made huge strides professionally in taking pride and pleasure in my work and also finding time to do things I enjoy, which I'm actually enjoying again and wanting to finish working so I can go do them. And not wanting to just crash at the end of the day because I actually enjoy being awake now. I think I often just went right to bed after work out of the complete lack of enjoyment in anything, in life in general. It was all so pointless to me, might as well be asleep or just doze in a daydream to get through it all.

Feels good to enjoy things again and take pleasure in things again.

For 5 years people would ask what I do for fun and I'd just stare at them blankly. Fun? What is fun?

Seesaw

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default Apr 18, 2018 at 07:13 AM
  #2
That's great Seesaw! You deserve to enjoy things

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Default Apr 18, 2018 at 11:46 AM
  #3
Good for you, Seesaw! That gives me some hope that possibly I could reach that place too. If I might ask, how did you get yourself to such a good place?
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Default Apr 18, 2018 at 01:12 PM
  #4
I'm glad you have found yourself in a better place now. I can truly relate to your symptoms. About 2 yrs ago I had an excessive desire to sleep and a lack of drive in anything. I believe it had something to do with my husband being over controlling. Since I got pregnant with our first child & first son together, our relationship had taken a positive shift. Husband is much more trusting and affectionate with me. I personally have found a new purpose as a new Mom and am actively looking for personal hobbies and activities. I'm not saying having a child is your solution. That is just how it has worked out for me and my life as a wife & mother.
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Default Apr 18, 2018 at 01:32 PM
  #5
Good for you!

I go in spells where I lose interest in things I enjoy like crocheting and quilting and reading. I've been advised to keep trying to do them even when I don't feel it. It's a really good sign when you feel the joy coming back. I do tend to start another project before I finish one tho, so have many started ones. Is there a pill for that? lol

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Default Apr 18, 2018 at 03:12 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaysey View Post
Good for you, Seesaw! That gives me some hope that possibly I could reach that place too. If I might ask, how did you get yourself to such a good place?
Hi Kaysey,

Part of the key for me was getting off of meds that were causing more harm than good. I wouldn't say that's a recommended course for everyone, but my problems really came out of environmental/trauma, and no drugs were going to change that.

I started reading more about depression and anxiety and saw how intertwined my illnesses were and how in therapy we only dealt with a) the trauma and b) coping with the depression. But we never worked on how the anxiety FED the depression. When I started really working on my GAD and learning how to cope with it, my depression started to lift as well.

I will say that it was a combination of me pushing myself and some interesting turns of events in my life that helped me take big steps forward. So, yeah, I would say there was a little serendipity involved. I wouldn't call it luck, because none of those things would have happened if I hadn't been pushing myself, but there was still some good fortune involved. I wonder if those things hadn't happened if other things would have that would have still brought me to this point. I suspect they would have. I'm trying to give myself appropriate credit for working towards recovery.

I think acceptance was also a big key. Realizing that the depression just wasn't going to go away with a med change or by some other miraculous means, and that this is my reality. So accepting it as a factor in my life was one thing, but also maintaining that it is only a ONE FACTOR and not my entire existence. I don't know if that makes any sense.

I did a LOT of self work and pushing myself out of my comfort zone to get here. And now I feel a lot healthier and happier.

Hope that helps.

Seesaw

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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Heart Apr 18, 2018 at 04:56 PM
  #7
Congratulations on enjoying the fruits of your working on yourself!
I really admire your dedication to getting well.

Five years is a long time!

Thanks so much for sharing your story!
It gives us hope!


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Default Apr 18, 2018 at 06:23 PM
  #8
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Originally Posted by seesaw View Post

I did a LOT of self work and pushing myself out of my comfort zone to get here. And now I feel a lot healthier and happier.

Hope that helps.

Seesaw
You really worked hard and should be proud of yourself.
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