Putting the past in the past - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-03-2019, 04:36 PM #1
bipolarsojourner's Avatar
bipolarsojourner bipolarsojourner is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: Bothell
Posts: 17
bipolarsojourner bipolarsojourner is offline
Junior Member
bipolarsojourner's Avatar
bipolarsojourner has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: Bothell
Posts: 17

6 hugs
given
Default Putting the past in the past

I spend too much of my life living in the past. Things in the present remind of 20 things bad things in the past. Its painful. It's not fun. It's like being stuck in a bog that keeps getting deeper.

A few weeks back I showed my wife a text from a female friend, I'm male, that simply read, "Im looking forward to seeing you tomorrow." Seemed innocous enough, right? Wrong. She tore at my support structure, questions some of my beliefs, and criticized some of my actions. Every tear, question or critism that she had done in the past, came flooding back. My pain multpied on top of multiplication. I hurt.

I spend a week in fear and anxiety. Each day, hurt a little bit more. By end of the week, I was talking finalistic about she and me. It's been years since I felt that way. Just goes to show how chronic fear and anxiety suck.

We eventually came to an understanding that shes the only one I wanted and most of my support structure is women since that's what comes to the depression support groups I go to.

Then, the other day I got a card from a female friend in appreciation for the work I do in the support group I attend. I was touched. I wanted to show my wife. The pain of a few weeks ago and along with every other time she had hurt me in someway, came rushing back.

Remember I said I spend too much time in the past? This was a case and point. I tried to figure a way out of my prison. And then, in one of those moments, a thought popped into my head:
One way to change the past is to change the present.
I thought about I could change the present. When I got home, this what I said to my wife:
Sometimes I doubt myself and the job I do. A little bit of acknowledgment and recognition helps. I got this touching card tonight.


She read it, and warmly accepted it. That was in stark contrast to what had happen just a few weeks back.

By saying what I said, I told her were I was at, the importance of the card, and it was about me, not her. By changing the present, I had changed the past. I left the past behind, where it belong. Leaving the past behind worked. Some might call that mindfulness, I'm fine with that. I call it my first of hopefully may victories over the past.

Going forward, I will try to live with this thought in mind:
One way to change the past is to change the present.
The past is a tricky beast and Im sure the past will get one up on be sometime, again. Now I have a new tool to minimize the power the past has over me.
bipolarsojourner is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 02-03-2019, 06:13 PM #2
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks Skeezyks is offline
Apparition
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: L'Etoile du Nord
Posts: 17,555
Skeezyks Skeezyks is offline
Apparition
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: L'Etoile du Nord
Posts: 17,555 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
13k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Re: Putting the past in the past

Hello bipolarsojourner: Thanks for sharing your success. I believe this is your first thread here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. Perhaps "one way to change the past is to change the present" could serve as your signature statement here on PC. It's an inciteful thought. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
__________________
Speak only if you can improve upon the silence.
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:53 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.