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Old 03-15-2010, 08:51 AM   #11
TheByzantine
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Default Re: Thoughts on my condition.

How are you doing, ItDOESmatter?
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Old 03-16-2010, 03:48 AM   #12
doesntmatter
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Default Re: Thoughts on my condition.

Meaning is subjective.

"I am fine, thanks." As much as I may want to die, I'm very good at procrastinating. Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow, and all that.

Normal folk think of suicide in terms of "I would need to be suffering so much to want to die". I, however, have to find excuses to live. Some days it's easier than others.

Well, whatever, I'm tired. Sweet dreams.
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Old 03-16-2010, 06:05 AM   #13
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Default Re: Thoughts on my condition.

Quote:
Meaning is subjective.
I suppose the meaning of subjective is subjective too. And life is a matter of perspective -- our own. And the leading minds years ago were certain the Earth was flat. And with all this kerfuffling going on, you need an excuse to live? Such high muck a muck!

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Thoughts on my condition. General (25 matching dictionaries)
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  15. Meaning (House), Meaning (House episode), Meaning (disambiguation), Meaning (existential), Meaning (general), Meaning (linguistic), Meaning (linguistics), Meaning (music), Meaning (non-linguistic), Meaning (philosophy of language), Meaning (semiotics), Meaning: Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia [home, info]
  16. Meaning: Online Plain Text English Dictionary [home, info]
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Thoughts on my condition. Art (4 matching dictionaries)
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Old 03-16-2010, 06:23 AM   #14
twinmommy38
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Default Re: Thoughts on my condition.

Quote:
Originally Posted by doesntmatter View Post
Meaning is subjective.

"I am fine, thanks." As much as I may want to die, I'm very good at procrastinating. Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow, and all that.

Normal folk think of suicide in terms of "I would need to be suffering so much to want to die". I, however, have to find excuses to live. Some days it's easier than others.

Well, whatever, I'm tired. Sweet dreams.
I want you to know you are not alone in this, however I do not want to die. I want to live and live well.

However, I am terrified of failure...so much so that I get to the end of a thing and set myself up for it. That sounds so strange doesn't it? I am currently in University and in my last few classes. I am in so much pain with fear of failure that I can hardly do anything. I am actually failing a Poli Sci class and I have had "A"s in the previous 3. Why? Why am I in so much pain I am practically immobile? I do not want to fail but yet I am so afraid of it that it fights against me from completing the task at hand...something I should easily be able to accomplish.

Are you seeing a doctor?
Mine increased my meds yesterday because I am so unable to climb out of the whole I have dug for myself.

I do understand and live daily with the fear of failing, to the point I procrastinate and set myself up for failure. I know what that is and I live with it.

You are not alone.

You will find a lot of support on these forums...really.
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Old 03-17-2010, 03:09 AM   #15
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Default Re: Thoughts on my condition.

Good luck with that. That's pretty much what I did for 3 years of university. I only passed the last year because my teachers took pity on me.

I know that I will be the cause of my own death. In a way, that's a comfort. I don't fear any danger. I will push everyone away until my tendency to quit catches on. I will make everyone give up on me, so I won't have to feel guilty when I put a bullet through my heart. You can not help me. Give it up. You are wasting your time.
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Old 03-17-2010, 03:35 AM   #16
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Default Re: Thoughts on my condition.

I hope I can be gentle. I am a mum who just lost a son
expressing thoughts like yourself.
DEATH is not what we all think it is .
It certainly isnt something to desire.
I hope your meds are still helping you.
When I told my sons psych doc about losing him
he just said "Why didn't he ring me?"
Maybe something is influencing you
to be stuck in these thoughts.
Anyway I felt Id like to have my say about it.
Forgive me if I annoy you.
We are here because we want to reach out to others
as well as have them reach out to us.
.....only kind thoughts for you..Jjulia
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be brave.faithful loyal and strong.Jjulia
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Old 03-17-2010, 06:50 AM   #17
TheByzantine
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Default Re: Thoughts on my condition.

This is no contest. You are right. I have no control over what you say or do. Nor do I want to have any control.

As far as wasting time, you started this thread. If you seek help, there is help. If you are simply amusing yourself, I hope you are having fun.

Love yourself. Be well.
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Old 03-17-2010, 11:05 PM   #18
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Default Re: Thoughts on my condition.

Quote:
Originally Posted by twinmommy38 View Post
I am actually failing a Poli Sci class and I have had "A"s in the previous 3. Why? Why am I in so much pain I am practically immobile?
Are you afraid of failure or are you afraid of success? It looks like with the 3 "A"s you were on a trajectory to success. That is when you decided to hit the brakes.
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Old 03-19-2010, 01:58 AM   #19
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Default Re: Thoughts on my condition.

I'm sorry to hear about your son, Julia. For you, not for him. I don't know what you think "we all" think death is. I know what it is. It is a release from all pain and responsibility for the person who gets it, and a cause of pain for everyone left behind that cares about that person. You are the latter. It's truly miserable that you suffer.

And yes, Byzantine. This is me amusing myself. The concept that I could potentially make a "support community" give up on me makes me giddy inside. I am another SN on another thread of thousands of people here that are truly unhappy. Unlike most of them, however, I am ACTUALLY at fault for my problems. I am the one who has set my standards so high that any chance of reaching them is doomed, and I am the one who chooses to quit rather than really try. I am the one who finds all the bad in the world as too damn much, and would rather not be a part of it.

I'm going to stop talking now because I am tired. I've only eaten a salad today (and not one of those fat American salads with heavy dressing and meat), and I've taken about three vicodin and five shots. No, it's not some bloody suicide attempt (which would take WAY more of both, and require some anti-nausea drugs to prevent vomiting). I've said it before and I'll say it again, if I make the attempt it will be one of the few things I succeed at. I was enjoying it, until I got all dizzy. Still, gotta appreciate the proper English I've displayed, despite the intoxication.
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Old 03-19-2010, 04:09 AM   #20
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Default Re: Thoughts on my condition.

I Think We All Need To Keep A Determined And Courageous Stance As Far As 'Living Life' Is Concerned... While I Respect Other People's Point Of View I'd Like To Point Out Some Important Details That Have Been Missed... The 'People' Who We Describe As 'Happy' 'People Of The Third World'... Such People Are Not 'Actually' Happy Rather It Is A 'Mask' To Hide Their Wounds And Sorrows...Now It Is Perfectly OkaY If Somebody Is Capable Of 'Masking' Their True Feelings And Living In A Fake Reality But Not All Of Us Can Just 'Pretend' Things Are Alright...To Add More Spice To This Down To Earth Reality Even People Who Suffer From Depression Are 'Capable' And Actually 'Do' Put On A Mask To 'Hide' Their Pain Which Doesnot AT ALL mean that they are actually 'Happy'.... Clearly If You Look At It This Way You May Even Conclude That The So Called 'Hapiness' In This FU**K UP World Is Actually A Rotten Facade To Prevent The Hard Core Judgemental Folks From Having A Ground Breaking ByLine...There May Even Be Folks Who 'ARE' Actually Happy But Such Individuals Are Those Who 'HAVE' Real Love In Their Lives... A REAL SUPPORT SYSTEM To Hold Them And Protect Them...Such A Support System Is One In Which People Actually 'SPEND' Time With You, 'TAKE' Time Out To Be With You And 'ACTUALLY' Want to be with you instead of just meeting you to fulfil their own 'vested interests' A.K.A Selfish Snobs! This Vested Interest Extends To Even Those 'Kool Group' Hangouts Where Backslapping Catcalling And Meeting For The Sake Of Passing Boredom Takes Place... Hence To Conclude 'The World Is Cruel Colourless And Mean' And True Happiness Is A Fairy Tale Or Rather An Oasis In A Huge Desert... So Whoever Gets That Oasis Should Hold On To It Like A Rope That Holds A Mountaineer Trying To Conquer A Tall Steep Mountain!
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