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Grey Matter
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Default Dec 19, 2013 at 04:10 PM
  #1
I feel like I am in a depressive episode (I have MDD) yet... it's odd. It's not like my other depressions where every day was a climb up a mountain, or the falls felt like the end of the world. It's just. Numbness. I want to sleep a lot. I am isolating myself but I don't want to be completely alone. It's just empty. Odd. I don't feel like I can cry, I don't feel much at all.

Has this happened to anyone before? It's scaring me.

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gayleggg
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Default Dec 19, 2013 at 05:39 PM
  #2
Yes, it has happened to me and I understand your fear. It is the state I enter when I'm most dangerous to myself, because I quit caring and everything seemed surreal. Don't mean to scare you but keep aware of this state and report it to your doctor.

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Idiot17
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Default Dec 19, 2013 at 11:36 PM
  #3
Happens often enough. As Gayle said im most dangerous in such a state.
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Punto Bobo
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Default Dec 20, 2013 at 12:45 AM
  #4
Oh, yes. That happens to many people when something unusual happens to them -- a shock. I had it recently after I got thrown several feet when the bus stopped suddenly. It took three months to heal, only one month to lose the pain. After the pain was gone, I got tired easily AND had this huge emptiness. I did whatever I could for distraction, knowing my enthusiasm would come back. That happened to many people after the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake. My counselor had a little Saturday support group of all her clients. It was interesting the waves of depression, apathy, etc. at various points after the quake. . . . I was VERY depressed years ago and had a lot of that. Nothing mattered much. No inspiration. Can't cry on meds, can you? I couldn't. Easy does it!
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Default Dec 20, 2013 at 12:58 PM
  #5
Same thing is happening to me too. I pray for you to get some relief. This is the deepest and darkest that depression has been for me...
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Default Dec 20, 2013 at 01:53 PM
  #6
To be honest, that's the state I'm usually in; uncaring and unfeeling. But for me I usually would be happy just being left alone. For me though, I'm not dangerous to myself at this point because I've always functioned more on logic then emotion and I can trump any suicidal thoughts with logic. I guess it's not scary to me because I've been in this state for so long with only momentary periods of happiness. It upsets people around me more because I don't react like they want me to: crying at funerals or "being passionate" or even caring about finding a different job.

I will say it's a state where I've accepted hopelessness as the norm.


All that said, do watch it carefully. There's a deeper state of depression for me where I start depersonalizing. I "fall into myself" and it's like I'm inside a stranger's body looking out. I don't know, but I think it's around this point that I start having the nasty memory problems and personality changes. I may even be dangerous to others at this point.

So be careful and quickly call someone if it gets any worse.
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