[bearguardian]

hey werewoman

Weird day today,

overslept the entire afternoon. Headache and nausea followed but it was worth the dreams I had.

First dream was about smooching, private stuff.

In the second dream I was hunted by some alien thing. Instead of killing me, he transported me to some sort of arena.

There he trained me to fight with different weapons against holograms, with different levels of fighting skills.

Before I woke up I realized that these hologram fights were language and coding exercises.

[Werewoman]

Wow! I wish my day was as exciting as your dream!

I don't dream much anymore, but I have dreamscapes. They are dreams I've had in the past that were strange and memorable (like the one in Wered World where I'm sitting on the grassy ledge of an infinite cliff) and I go back to them often when I'm awake.

[bearguardian]

Daydreams are also dreams WW. Have them as much as you can...

My path to the geek side is now complete. I have started collecting comic books.

It started when I wanted to sell my decades old Nathan Never collection. Just as I was about to text the buyer, I realized I want to read this.

Then I went to the bookstore and even got more comic books:

more Nathan, the ghost in the shell, Martin, Buffy & Angel

[Werewoman]

She does not trust so easily,
this little one.
She has earned the right.
She is anger.
She is rage.
She is broken.
She wants revenge.
"No", said I.
"Oh yes, I must have it",
she insists.
"No, because it's wrong", said I.
And so she buries her anger,
her rage,
her broken spirit,
and goes out into the world.
A ticking bomb.

[bearguardian]

I adore metal

only live metal is madness; also triggering; grim memories

Id rather be at the opera

https://youtu.be/X8Dhp83DiDk

[Werewoman]

Out in the world,
she can stand in sunshine,
and still live in darkness.
She covets the darkness,
for it is she
and she is it.
One and the same.
She seems normal at first,
no one knows,
or even suspects.
She is soooo good at hiding.
She can hide anything.
A toy, a car, a planet, an emotion.
Still, she stays in her special place,
safe from harm.
Safe and warm.
Just try to find her.
I dare you.

[bearguardian]

.
.
.
Yesterday I broke down in depression and exhaustion and overslept the afternoon. Comic books brought me back to life. I can not believe how seductive they are. I feel like a careless kid when I open them.
/
https://wiki2.org/en/The_Sandman_(Vertigo)

[bearguardian]

.
.
.
I love the idea of <rags to riches> or more alchemical <lead to gold>

First time I noticed that idea, was in Aerosmith lyrics, as a pre-teen:

https://youtu.be/o-0lAhnoDlU

[bearguardian]

.
.
.
Today I contemplated the chess mechanics, whatever that means. Giving it more fantasy and knowledge. Straight chess is boring.

Went to the bookstore just to hang around comic books. And they played Abba, like for a whole 30 minutes.

[Werewoman]

In her meadow she hides.
The Wolf Mother protects her.
The Forest protects her.
They are impenetrable.
Finally, she is safe.
Finally, but still the fear.
It eats her alive.
Little by little.
Still she fights.
Still she wins.

[bearguardian]

.
.
.
Got sick after eating some cheap crap this morning. Panick and depression followed.

Instead of falling into bed as usual I decided to distract myself by learning more programming. It worked.

Now I feel just confused. Thats better.

[Fuzzybear]

[bearguardian]

.
.
.
. the Babel tower of psychosis
.
. the language of the mad
.
. the babble
.
. the bubble of isolation

[bearguardian]

.
.
.
. e-cigs are a great way to cope with:
. time
. distress
. everything really
. and no need to inhale (mouth absorption)
. ok, its dangerous, but better then lungful of smoke

[bearguardian]

.
.
.

I forgot who I am but I am too tired to be it
I forgot who I am but I am too tired to live/leave it

I am exhausted of returning to a place I've never been
I am exhausted of returning from a place I've never been

https://youtu.be/Kz43XwYi_RI

[Werewoman]

She wins because she fights.
Let them try,
they are no more,
their life is meaningless.
They hurt people.
Oh, what she would like to do.
Maim them.
Kill them.
Destroy every trace of them.
Expose them for what they really are.
Monsters.
Not under the bed,
or in the closet,
but behind the mask
of my mother's face.

[bearguardian]

.
.
. abandoned again
. again and again
. with mountains at my trail
. and before me
. mountains of doom

[Fuzzybear]

[Fuzzybear]

Abandoned too
Abandoned into silence
She set it up so carefully
(The step unit )
Doomed to revisit...
Wish it would stop

[Werewoman]

She scoffs at God.
She laughs in the face of faith.
If He's so all powerful,
why doesn't he stop it?
She won't accept any unknowable answers
to that unspeakable question.
No Goddess or Priestess or Queen,
No one has the power
to make it stop.
And so she suffers still,
no matter that it's mostly over,
or that life is now better.
She can't forget.
She forgives.
It doesn't help.
She prays.
It doesn't help.
She begs.
It doesn't help.
She cries to a non-existent heaven (just in case she's wrong).
It doesn't help.
So she lives in her cage,
wondering what it's like
to be free.