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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
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#61
04 03 17
Nausea returned again last night. I was lucky to fall asleep just when it hit me. I hate hate hate anxiety & uncertainty. Thats all. I just want to say how much I hate uncertainty. |
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Clara22, Fuzzybear, little turtle, Werewoman
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
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#62
05 03 17 APOGONIA
I was relativly healed for a few days. Too much sleep today, with a hope that dreams will drown the pain away (anxiety itself is after me so everything looks menacing). I dreamed that I was in hell looking for a scroll called Apogonia. I returned with it in my imaginary town that floats on water and locked it up. I googled Apogonia when I woke up and found it: https://wiki2.org/en/Apogonia |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
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#63
07 03 17 ELEMENTS
There is a great game of war going inside me, between complexity and enthropy. I am complexity and Death, my f(r)iend, is enthropy. I walk on a board with squares inscribed by chemical elements. They arrange and rearrange. Puzzling. Pushing me into infinite labyrinth. Some elements are put together by my medications. Lots of elements were stolen from me by Death. I suffer eternally. Last edited by bearguardian; Mar 07, 2017 at 09:17 AM.. |
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little turtle, Werewoman
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: ohio
Posts: 4,045
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#64
Quote:
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Fuzzybear
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bearguardian
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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#65
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bearguardian
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
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#66
08 03 17 TRANCE G
Song of the day is unfed pendulum: https://youtu.be/wQeUZ5iT-ss Tarot card of the day is high priestess. One of her names is Trance Gemini. Also known as High Fox Priestess, Alice in wonderland, and the Devil. She is the smartest life form in all the universe. An avatar of the sun. A dweller in the chaos of probabilities. She is a professional gambler. She never loses in games of luck and chance. She is a machine fairy. She helps those suffering with anxiety and uncertainty. Or so I comfort myself. Or so she comforts me. I suffer eternally. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
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#67
09 03 17 PHOTONS BE FREE
song of the day: https://youtu.be/EElaqhquY00 math of the day: ax^2 + bx + c = 0 (parabola) tarot card: the tower dedication: to those rare fleeting moments when everything seemed destroyed, light and free |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
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#68
11 03 17
I overslept the whole afternoon. Felt like death on awakening. Brufen brought me back to life. I printed yesterday 36 cards with beautiful math formulas on them. I dont know why Im so obsessed with math. And language. All sorts of codes and symbols. Especially when they are printed on cards. Reality is so cruel and dreadful. Symbols are so abstract and otherwordly. A promise of something lighter. Escape. I want escape from this chains of life. This iron prison. Help. Help. |
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Werewoman
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
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#69
13 03 17
First part of the day was normal, even productive. Then the gloom hits me, un-triggered. Anathema helped: https://youtu.be/YVEmGvY4HDI But its ok. When music feels like psychotic wave-bursts, not ok. For the whole 2013 music felt like that. I dont know why. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
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#70
13 03 17 part 2
https://youtu.be/aCFEETZX3SY This is dark side of the moon in the world of metal. Im not sure anyone will understand me in this but I had to post. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
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#71
03 14 17
3.14, its PI day! https://youtu.be/WFmWhwyA0NU When I die I want to transform into pure code. There will be no more brain & pain. I will be a dancing pile of symbols. |
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Fuzzybear, Werewoman
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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#72
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bearguardian
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
7 693 hugs
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#73
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Fuzzybear
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Fuzzybear
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
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#74
16 03 17
I feel something electric and fluidic running through me. And its not a delusion. I feel it since I was 16. Since then I feel like I am something other then human. Not better or worse. Just weird. Too weird to live. |
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Werewoman
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
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#75
20 03 17
Second day of normal sleeping time. My street cat almost mounted my head this morning. Read a little and went to a bookstore. And its only 10 AM. Happy equinox! |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
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#76
23 03 17
I made a website for my sister. In an hour or so (during one day) I figured all the basics of website building. *Proud of my stupid me.* My head hurts. Feel like my brain will leak out of my eyes and nose... It hurts, hurts, hurts. I will vomit my brains out. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
7 693 hugs
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#77
25 03 17
In 1AM I opened my window and my street cat was staring at me from outside. I could almost telepathically hear her saying -where is my food? My test site for designing something has turned into my own website. Its pretty raw and chaotic. Will be regularly updated: http://namshub.tk |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
7 693 hugs
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#78
26 03 17
Took some photos of my city (Split, Croatia) if you are interested. Its a very magical place. Game of thrones was filmed there. The oldest city part is Diocletians palace, built by Roman emperor Diocletian. As a kid my imagination would run wild when looking at the statues and squares. I was convinced that real giants built all that. And the sea was hiding some sleeping prehistoric Lovecraftian horrors. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
7 693 hugs
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#79
Sorry guys for rotated images on browsers other then firefox. Corrected it has been.
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
Posts: 1,472
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#80
I stood before the ruins.
A small sound falls on my ears. Such a small sound. A child. Sobbing, but trying so hard not to be heard. I step inside and look around. Dirt and dust everywhere. Broken beams and walls. In the midst of it, I find the child. She is dirty, and the trace of her tears run tracks down her face. Her dress is torn and her shoes are missing. Her feet are bleeding. Her heart is bleeding. I fight my way to her, determined to help her. I pick her up and hold her dear and tight. And thus begins the fight. Okay bearg, I know it's really bad, but there's my two cents for the day. __________________ You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd |
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bearguardian
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bearguardian
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