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Singer1984
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Trig Apr 17, 2017 at 07:14 AM
  #1
... I'm a smoker,no girlfriend,I pray to God to end my life. I just,see programs about abused black old people and remember my grandmother back when she was alive. I keep praying to God,to be a better man,die,be somebody special. At the moment he's not answering. I feel miserable. Ive taken steps to get better health,cut down on my smokes. Last night I took 15+ ibuprofen and a glass of wine. I'm still going. I an going to pray to God.

Last edited by notz; Apr 21, 2017 at 10:38 PM.. Reason: Added trigger icon
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Rizzar
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Default Apr 17, 2017 at 07:37 AM
  #2
Hello, Singer1984. Please persevere.
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Patagonia
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Default Apr 17, 2017 at 07:53 AM
  #3
So how old are you???

I've heard people say that if god is not answering, that maybe that IS the answer.
What kind of answer are you truly looking for...& what have you tried to find those answers?

I'm sorry you feel this way. Do you take any meds or see a therapist? Maybe talking to someone might help?

And I think that much ibuprofen will just rip your guts up.

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Singer1984
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Default Apr 17, 2017 at 08:07 AM
  #4
Yes I take meds,they help for a while,but I aliken that to burying my head in the sand. Talking. I know,I have to grow up and am taking steps. See you around user:Patagonia.
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Rob1713
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Default Apr 17, 2017 at 09:19 AM
  #5
I'm sorry to hear your suffering. Sometimes when I've felt similar, one thing that's helped me is a knowledge I'm not always going to feel this way. It's knowing that the dark and drained state I find myself can't be permanent. There's always going to be a light at the end of tunnel, even if you presently can't see it.

For what it's worth I currently find myself feeling like I'm in a tunnel of dark misery. But I make effort to realise it's inevitable that sooner or later I'll emerge. I dunno if that's of any use; either way, try and do the right thing, and take care.
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Default Apr 20, 2017 at 09:31 AM
  #6
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Originally Posted by Patagonia View Post
So how old are you???

I've heard people say that if god is not answering, that maybe that IS the answer.
What kind of answer are you truly looking for...& what have you tried to find those answers?

....And I think that much ibuprofen will just rip your guts up.
Yes, I think this is a great response. I too ask - just what kind of answer is it you want. What kind do you expect? Why do you feel this is what you need? From who/what are you getting the message this is what is right? Is this about being Spiritual or merely about getting answers? I wonder if it might be helpful pondering these things. It is possible that the manner of the answers you seek might even be the source of your struggles. Just a thought.

The Ibuprofin is a concern for me. Even taken in repeated regular doses it will damage your heart and liver permanently - even more so than your smoking will.
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MickeyCheeky
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Default Apr 20, 2017 at 10:02 AM
  #7
I'm really sorry you're going through. Please, keep sharing here, but do not harm yourself..
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Default Apr 21, 2017 at 07:56 AM
  #8
Only god can redeem the life he gave to us.
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MuseumGhost
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Default Apr 22, 2017 at 01:53 PM
  #9
Dear Singer,

You can always talk to us here. The responses you've gotten show me again how much people care and are willing to listen and try to help. That is a wonderful thing.

I have to disagree with you about the "head in the sand" thinking, around taking meds. There is definitely medical proof that medications not only help us do better, but they can actually, physically repair the areas of our brains that suffer from damage because of depresssion.

Getting older is no picnic, I'm with you there. I've been through an awful lot of changes in the last few years...and I can agree, it's not for sissies, this aging thing. But I want to remind you, your worth is far more than you can ever imagine, even on your best day. So you have to trust that you are worth every effort to remain with us.

It takes courage to reach out for help.
You've taken the first step. Please, keep talking to us.

With sincerest good wishes, and massive hugs, MG
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Default May 06, 2019 at 03:06 PM
  #10
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Originally Posted by Rob1713 View Post

For what it's worth I currently find myself feeling like I'm in a tunnel of dark misery. But I make effort to realise it's inevitable that sooner or later I'll emerge. I dunno if that's of any use; either way, try and do the right thing, and take care.
You have described exactly how I feel. There is hope somewhere.....in the future.
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Default May 06, 2019 at 04:14 PM
  #11
Some days are much harder than others.
You are not alone with how you are feeling.

Some days I lie down and wait until my inner child is ready to accept my love
Finding a connection and moving away from self abandonment is a start towards a less painful day.

I send positive vibes for some relief from your pain
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Trig May 07, 2019 at 09:47 AM
  #12
I relate to this.

not for the same reasons as you, (I am still pretty young), for me it's a case of losing too many years and not being able to get them back.

I have this fear that 1 day, when I'm old, and looking back on my life, all I will see is wasteland- empty and abandoned, and before any of that comes true (it all ready is), my life needs to end- I could go on living, sure, but I think to go on living you need to have at least something in mind- something to work towards, I don't have that- and I would rather die than continue on this road of trying new things that just lead to more unhappyness and not being comfortable with my life situation.

I've accepted that I'll never be able to work, and I'll never be a theme park engineer, that's fine- just, when you don't know what to do with yourself and when nothing you try brings you any happyness at all, you start wondering about this sort of stuff.
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Default May 07, 2019 at 04:17 PM
  #13
I turned 50 this year and really wonder sometimes if it's worth going on. I haven't worked in my field in 10 years, and now am unlikely to be able to, thanks to being seen as obsolete.


I had a bad accident a couple of months ago, that I'm taking forever to heal from, and I feel like between the followup appointments from that, and the regular round of tests one is supposed to have when one turns 50, I feel like all I do is go to Dr's appointments.

I have a few hobbies, and some good friends so it's not all totally bleak, but I'm surviving on disability and handouts from my brother. I need a room mate to make my rent. I am no where near where I expected to be at 50.

I look ahead and don't see a lot of hope - more of the same, followed by poverty in old age.

I've screwed up most of my life by being an alcoholic, now in recovery, and wasted a lot of years and money on booze and let it destroy my career. Throw in the mental health problems, and I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

About the only thing that keeps me going, is the knowledge that I'm hard to kill - 3 unsuccessful SU attempts, multiple serious traffic accidents, and my latest headfirst dive down a flight of concrete stairs which I escaped relatively lightly. I figure someone, somewhere out there is looking out for me, so maybe I can make an effort to claw my way back to a somewhat normal life.

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Growing older&wanting to end my life.
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Default May 07, 2019 at 04:52 PM
  #14
I've spent the better part of my life praying. To what? Well that's changed over the years. At this point, it's not so much praying as it is pleading with the universe to make this pain mean something. I've given up on asking to be rid of it and it's done me a bit of good in doing so. I suppose that's my advice that you didn't ask for.

I'm free to pm. Take care, Singer.

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