I eat once a day, and sleep very late, and when it comes to doing anything, it feels like too much work. For example, cleaning my apartment, and doing the dishes. I am unemployed, and sending out applications is also too much work for me, because I need to tailor my resume for each job, especially I know in advance based on my last 1000+ applications that they won't consider me, so I have little motivation to do it. I feel hopeless and worthless. I think I am depressed, but I wasn't like this before. Something in the recent years have changed me. Maybe the disappointments in people and in life. Maybe it's me not being big achiever, and I am a perfectionist, so, it's either all or none. Seeing others succeed is a source of more despair. I want to get out of this misery, but I don't know how. I don't want to go to a professional, because I know what they will say, and I know that I will resist their course of (behavioral) treatment, because I have very deep fear inside me (I don't want to take any medications. I did before for something else, and I had very bad side effects). Sometimes when I have a little hope I try to do something positive, but it rarely results in anything positive, and I quickly quit, and return to my previous state of despair.

My life in three words: present but invisible.

[cryingontheinside]

I struggle so much too with motivation and my sleeping pattern . I'm trying to get my place clean and organised before my daughters visit me . I got absalutely nothing done today and I feel like a huge failure . I also look at myself and see how little I have achieved in life and how each day is a struggle for me .
I wish I had some good advice for you . but you are not alone my friend . keep posting . we are here for you

[Sprinklesunicorn]

Originally Posted by Aimless Soul

I eat once a day, and sleep very late, and when it comes to doing anything, it feels like too much work. For example, cleaning my apartment, and doing the dishes. I am unemployed, and sending out applications is also too much work for me, because I need to tailor my resume for each job, especially I know in advance based on my last 1000+ applications that they won't consider me, so I have little motivation to do it. I feel hopeless and worthless. I think I am depressed, but I wasn't like this before. Something in the recent years have changed me. Maybe the disappointments in people and in life. Maybe it's me not being big achiever, and I am a perfectionist, so, it's either all or none. Seeing others succeed is a source of more despair. I want to get out of this misery, but I don't know how. I don't want to go to a professional, because I know what they will say, and I know that I will resist their course of (behavioral) treatment, because I have very deep fear inside me (I don't want to take any medications. I did before for something else, and I had very bad side effects). Sometimes when I have a little hope I try to do something positive, but it rarely results in anything positive, and I quickly quit, and return to my previous state of despair.

If you don't want to take any medications, you can try the simplest thing:
Meditate every day for 15-30 minutes and gradually increase the period of time. And just simply visualize the best version of yourself you wish to be. It's very simple and if you do it dedicatedly, I think all your problems will vanish. You can even just read out affirmations thrice a day which will make your beliefs stronger and negative emotions a bit weaker.
hope this helps. much love.

[SlumberKitty]

(((Aimless_Soul)))

[Fuzzybear]

((((( hugs )))))