[nikon]

i've had a really busy and mostly good day but feel physically bad now. i did a jewellery-making workshop this morning which was great fun. this kind of makes me question why the hell i am studying in the field i am - psychology - when there are practical things i enjoy doing. i'm pretty stuck now though, because if i dropped out it would be the third incomplete degree, and i can't do that forever.

i feel physically ****, and i'm starting to question if i need to worry about it. a few months ago i went through a few weeks/more of being completely exhausted all the time. after a while it left, but i kind of feel like that again. dizzy, nauseous, exhausted, and brain zaps. since my one med was decreased about a month or more ago i haven't slept as deeply and have crazy dreams that wake me up and make me feel tired because they're so busy.

[Smileonmyface]

disappointed. texted with another mom from girl scouts about the bullying. she sympathized with me and urged me to talk to the leader. sent a text to the leader, very nice, just trying to find out if my daughter gets along with the other girls okay while she is at scouts. no response all day.

[will19]

A pretty good day. I got a lot accomplished. I went shopping early in morning, cleaned my place, made a month's supply of spaghetti sauce, and visited my friend. The time with my friend went alright. There was a brief moment of tension between he and his wife.

Nothing much for tonight. I will watch a movie. That's all I do on Saturday nights. I wish I could do other things, like have a good time with friends.

happy it is raining

not sleeping and eating too much, but bleh

feel good I guess

[nikon]

i'm not feeling good today. feel really down, bad memories flooding around in my head, feel hopeless about work and about not having a stable job. i really feel quite hopeless today.

[katydid777]

I am feeling better today. Not great, but better. I ended up seeing my Primary Dr. last week, and this coming week I have to see her again, then Thurs. I see my new T for the 2nd time, but I know that with my new T, that will be good.

[88Butterfly88]

I've been having nightmares that are more then I can handle and it's making me very depressed.

[Smileonmyface]

heard back from troop leader. she doubts any of the girls would be deliberately mean. really? baloney. she validated and agreed that my daughter is not really connecting with the other girls. they are working on it. meh.

[will19]

Been pretty occupied this morning, so far. Felt very depressed this morning before having breakfast. I went to look at potential place where I may want to live. I wasn't too serious about it. I saw a few places but could not go inside a couple of them. I saw one and got a brochure. It was very costly, so I can forget about that one.

I called my sister after that. She said that she sent the stuff I had requested from her yesterday. She says that I could get it tomorrow morning. At least that was nice that she did it. She had promised to send me the things a week-and-a-half ago, but didn't do it, and it got me mad. So I'm happy that she got it together this time.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

Possible trigger:

mother hurling more abuse at me again via email.

I'm not paying any attention to it. she's home for a while (until the end of the month), and is threatening to burn down where I live because she wants me dead and has had no word from anyone if I am dead or not

but I deleted it and ignored it. that woman isn't worth the effert

still unable to control my overeating, still not sleeping and in a lot of chronic pain

my mood would probably be good if it wasn't for my ****ing mother

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope your mother will take a break from abusing you.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Smileonmyface

heard back from troop leader. she doubts any of the girls would be deliberately mean. really? baloney. she validated and agreed that my daughter is not really connecting with the other girls. they are working on it. meh.

Are you open to your daughter quitting scouts? My mom actually became a leader when I was in the scouts because I was hopeless at connecting with the other girls. The only reason I didn't get bullied was because she was there. Otherwise, I was in the same situation as your daughter. I actually don't remember quitting the girl scouts, but I don't remember being a scout my first year of high school. So for me quitting the scouts was a good thing. Good luck to you and your daughter.

[will19]

Today was a fairly good day for me. In the afternoon I took a three hour bike ride. This morning was nice as I had explained earlier. Nothing much after the three hour bike ride.

[88Butterfly88]

Woke up depressed again. Seems to be a morning thing for me. Maybe there is something I could take at night to wake up better in the morning? I'll mention it to pdoc.

wish I got more done yesterday but blah.

it really feels like I'm just wasting the days away (I am, but do you blame me?). I hate life.

today after another night of no sleep, it is sunny outside and I am once again doing **** all

story of the vortex..

for the record I am not feeling depressed today.

just.... displeased with my lack of motivation

[katydid777]

I was very busy yesterday. I went through my closet, and came up with 3 kitchen bags full of cloths that I ether never wore with tags still on them, and cloths that I may have warn only once or twice. I gave all of them to a young 25 year old neighbor, that is just a bit taller than me, but very small like I am. She has 3 girls under the age of 6, and I know how hard it can be at that age, to be able to buy for your self. She told me while we were going through the clothing, that she felt like it was Christmas. Also around 1 or 2 months ago I bought a blow up swimming pool that was around 3 or 4 ft high that I hadn't put up bc we have had so much rain this year, so I gave the pool to them for the girls, along with the sand I bought to put under it. They will most likely put it up next year so they can put a fence around it, so there 2 dogs won't pop it. I bought it to cool off during the hottest days here, but this year we had a very long winter for here, and then rain most of the time, so I never took it out of the box. I think the Good Lord had me buy that pool for those 3 girls. I know they will get more use out of it than I would have. Anyway all of that made me feel so good, and blessed that I can go up the road and see this young family all I want!!! I hope some day I will become a Grandmother. I know if that my Son has children, that I still won't be able to see them very often, bc I know they will live far from us. We only get to see our Son maybe once a year if that. Anyway it was a very good day.

[katydid777]

Today so far is good. I have already went through my dresser, and have another bag of cloths for my neighbor, and I know she will like most of it. I have made a fresh batch of humming bird nector, and put it in the fridge. Ate my toast, and took my meds. Gave my little chihuahua his meds, and fed the dogs. I also put the dishes away. So I have gotten a few things done, and it has started out to be a good day. Tomorrow I have a apt. with my primary Dr. and she won.t be too happy with me bc I haven't had that stress heart test done, and she gave me the Dr. order 3 months ago. This test is just too expensive for us to pay at this time.

[Smileonmyface]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Are you open to your daughter quitting scouts? My mom actually became a leader when I was in the scouts because I was hopeless at connecting with the other girls. The only reason I didn't get bullied was because she was there. Otherwise, I was in the same situation as your daughter. I actually don't remember quitting the girl scouts, but I don't remember being a scout my first year of high school. So for me quitting the scouts was a good thing. Good luck to you and your daughter.

I would be happy to have her quit. She is adamant about being in it though so I am seeing how it goes. I wish we could find another activity with nicer kids.

[Smileonmyface]

baby is sick. I had to reschedule therapy today. Taking him to doctor instead. I hope it's nothing serious. Therapy will be Thursday. At least I have it to look forward to a bit longer.

[nikon]

i feel very blank today. i had bad dreams and woke up a few times feeling anxious, with a headache. even if i wake up and feel wide awake during the night though, when my alarm goes off i take half an hour to wake up through the noise.

i'm having some dark thoughts, and i don't know how alarmed i need to be - like if i need to address them with med changes etc. at times in the past i have gone through stages where i have realized at a point that i've passed the point of being able to save myself from myself. ie: at a certain point i realize that i'll only get out of the dark hole with some drastic help. i kind of worry that i'm sliding towards that point. it's just that i don't know how to get the right kind of help at this stage.