[sky457]

Really bad month....I am deteriorating rapidly..

[WishfulThinker66]

I've mostly been checking in on the Anxiety thread. But, as the worries are crossed off and dealt or coped with Depression has begun to seep in and fill the voids.

I am quite concerned as the melancholy is strong and something I am starting to rue upon. It includes the trigger to my last bout that was serious enough to put me in the hospital for 9wks. I can tell it is becoming problematic as there are things going on in my life that should be making me quite happy and excited about. Instead I have a shrug of the shoulders and 'meh' attitude.

[SeekerOfLife]

Down....

[-Astral-]

depressed

[MatBell]

I feel my meds have kicked in. 300 mg Effexor. Less anxiety and elevated mood. However, they don’t take away the loneliness and the less than ideal life conditions.

[WishfulThinker66]

A close friend is the source of the biggest trigger to my Depression right now. She is very well to do and obviously quite bored with her life. We are quite close except that she has a way of riding on my coat-tails and in this case stealing my dream. The fact money is no object means she has the ability to (constantly) do this. I buy a car, she buys one days later. I book a European holiday and she quickly did so not long after. I have begun to be mum about decisions and purchases I make in my life on account she announces doing the same. Well the latest is, after a lengthy discussion about how I miss my old out-door lifestyle - paddling in particular - she ran out the next day and dropped what must have been $10,000+ on top of the line kayaks for her entire family and a trailer to pull them. Arrrgh! This time it actually hurts. Having lost my own ability to pursue this pastime which was once a near daily activity I feel my dream has been stolen. Good for her and all that but it is my dream not hers. I doubt the idea would have even occurred to her had I not brought it up myself. I really hurt and feel quite like crap. It isn't just that I feel irked by all this but it has brought home the fact I haven't been able to live my chosen lifestyle for some time now and that I likely never will again - something I have had great difficulty accepting and coming to terms with. As mentioned, I have ended up hospitalised when similarly triggered the depression has grown so serious. I am really having a difficult time accepting this. I know it is her life to live but I can't help but thing it is mine she is living. Grrrrrr. Why did I have to open my big mouth?

[MatBell]

Another bad night. Tired of this.

[Rose76]

I'm doing pretty good, if I just keep pushing myself. Ritalin helped me wake up today despite not sleeping well last night. I have to do another hour of paperwork stuff, and I will feel okay about myself.

[Yzen]

I felt good during the first half of the day and am down this second half. So, I guess this was a good bad day.

[88Butterfly88]

I'm depressed because I'm worried I'm going to need surgery. Also my dog is sick so that makes me sad.

[will19]

I've been feeling rather depressed lately. I'm feeling like maybe my whole life needs an overhaul - changing everything over. I would be too afraid to leave my job. Lately my job has been boring. A lot more "famine" than "feast". But the pay is pretty good and the working conditions are excellent. The people are fairly good and the job has been, and up to now, the best thing going for me. I'm getting sick of the place I live at. People tell me that it's an ideal location and place to live. I agree with that, but the neighbors depress me a whole lot. I feel depression a lot because of the neighbors.

I was expecting a check from the HOA because two weeks ago I spoke to a woman who is a manager and she told me that I was going to get a check. I have waited two weeks and nothing. An inner voice told me to call the HOA and ask what's happened. Good thing I did because I was told that the manager I spoke to no longer works at that company. The new manager was unaware of the incident of the water leak (which happened two and a half months ago!). I spoke to the new manager and she said that she will check (excuse the pun!) on it. Have to have a little sense of humor sometimes!

[Rose76]

Couldn't fall asleep last night . . . not till 6 a.m. this morning. Lazy now.

[smallbluefish]

(cn: food mention)

feeling moody about being moody... I've been stress-eating a bunch too.

[will19]

The day is just starting. It's nice and cool outside early this morning. I get the feeling the heat will come in a couple of hours or so. My friend said that we could get together today. We'll meet at a place where I do my shopping and have lunch. I feel like I'm not that crazy about him. He depresses me lots of times. I hang on to him because he's all that I have. He's is so limited to what he can do.

We'll see how the day will unfold.

[88Butterfly88]

Today has been so-so depression wise, have little interest in doing things yet I don't feel too terrible.

[Rose76]

Just watching TV all day and reading on the Internet. If that made me feel good, I wouldn't be sorry. But it doesn't make me feel good. I have chores to get to.

[will19]

My favorite day of the week is about over and I feel like I squandered it. My friend and I are going to split up. We were supposed to meet for lunch, which was next door to where I shop. By the time I was ready to go, I called him and he told me that lunch place had closed, much to our surprise. He told me to have lunch at home and he'd have lunch where he is. After a half hour (in which I told him I would call) I called him and he said that he was heading home. I thought that he would wait for me, go shopping together, and then take him to my place. I told him last night that I wanted to do it that way and he said that he didn't want to come to my place. So I just got fed up and told him that I don't want to be friends with him anymore. It seems like we have these squabbles all of the time. It's not just that, but other reasons. Mostly he does not understand my depression and makes light of my feelings.

Nothing much else for the rest of the day. Another time just being alone. I just hate it when that happens on the weekends.

boring but stable sunday

doubt the boring partt's going to change, and not sure how long the stability will last, but hmm

for now mood is good

[Rose76]

It's going to take pushing myself to use the day in a way that will make me feel better about myself and my ability to cope with what I've taken on. I'm just starting to think about getting out of my pajamas. What motivates me is that I don't want to end this day as disgusted with myself as I was last night, when I felt I wasted a day.

I waste a lot of time. It's my biggest fault. And I know there is a price for that.

[Fuzzybear]

Love to all