[Rose76]

I can't find the will to get going. I showered my bf and gave him something to eat. The house is a mess. I'm just lying on the couch.

[pixiedust72]

I really don't know what to do. I've been depressed for so long and have ideation. I've been thinking of going to the hospital for maybe five months but am too afraid to go. I just feel like I won't be taken seriously. I don't think I'll get admitted and I doubt my insurance will see outpatient as medically necessary. And I mean, if I haven't done it for five months what's the issue? But I'm just scared of what the future holds knowing that this ideation is not a phase and is just a part of my life now.

[will19]

It was a pretty nice for me last night. I worked out and went to the pool area. I had it to myself. It was the first time I had it to myself in a while. Later on before leaving, a man came down, and I had not seen him in a long time. It was nice having him to talk to. He's my age and was by himself.

Today will not be a typical Saturday for me. Later in the morning I plan to go to a meeting. There will be a speaker and the title is "Will My Cancer Come Back?" This is from the Prostate Cancer Support Group. As some of you may know, I had prostate cancer surgery three years ago. There's a man that I would call whenever I had questions or concerns. He's really nice, but I never met him in person. Perhaps I will meet him today.

[Rose76]

I'm better than the mess I was yesterday. It's a relief.

[lotusblossom19]

Trying not to succumb to thoughts that have continued to revolve around my mind for days and days. Wounded emotionally and it's a struggle every day to not feel pointless and hopeless. My whole life it seems it's really only been me truly in my corner. People telling me I should get through and over the bad days but giving me no clue as to how to go about that. Nothing helps. No one helps.

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Hi Lavender, I was just thinking of you

(Btw I’m so glad you’re a mod, you so deserve it I couldn’t do that job though .. I’m not patient enough Well maybe I could be. But I don’t have time . Too much crap in my life.

I think that jerk who labelled me as Avoidant was wrong. I wouldn’t be saying all this if I was ... but anyway.

Thank you Fuzzy.

You're special.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Lavender.

Thank you Fuzzy.

You're special.

Thank you Lavender You’re special too

[will19]

Well another Saturday is about over. Instead of cleaning this morning I went to a meeting with a speaker. It was alright. I didn't connect with anyone there. Went shopping after lunch. I decided to do that at the last minute. I'm glad that I did now that I don't have to go shopping tomorrow.

Feeling down now. I guess I just feel alone and unfulfilled. I'll be going on a one hour bike ride pretty soon and then I'll go out to eat instead of cooking tonight. It's been a good while since I've gone out to eat.

I've noticed today that there looks like there's going to be a party at the clubhouse tonight. The clubhouse is next to the pool. I hate it when they have those parties because it's painful for me watching people having a great time when I'm all alone. The parties are usually for kids. Plus I feel like I'm being looked at.

[Smileonmyface]

had a really blah day. husband was out all day and i never changed out of pajamas. just watched tv and took care of my kids. going to be a blah week as well which is a relief somewhat since last week was pretty busy with my daughter going to a three day camp. I don't know how people have the energy to do that all summer it was hard for three days getting her there and home. i'm just looking forward to lying down tonight, and I hope the kids aren't too crazy.

[will19]

I was very busy today. Did the housecleaning this morning and went on a two-hour bike ride.

Been feeling very down and discouraged today. My sister hasn't called in a while and I was hoping that she would call me today. Also my friend, who is my age and single like me, might be on to a relationship. I didn't think it would ever happen to him. So that could be the only "comrade" that I have in my life to go. But anyways, he's 3000 miles from me. I was hoping that someday he and I could be together when we're older. And I took my bike back to the shop because it wasn't quite done right when I took it in last week. The guy, who took care of me last week, was not at the shop and that was disappointing.

[imchet]

I'm doing pretty well today. I made it to church, cooked a meal for myself, reorganized my storage area and setup a nice campsite for myself for the next week. I must say it's such a comfort to know where I'll be sleeping the next six nights. It's curious though. I'm making it and feel so much less overwhelmed, but I have to realize just because I've managed how to live comfortably enough out of my car and or a camp site must certainly does not imply that I could jump back into my old life with a regular fourty hour work week, an apartment, bills, even the though of that makes me feel overwhelmed and out of my ability to manage so much organizing.

it's the worst my depression has been in ages

no real reason (like I keep saying, mine is never situational)

just really low

you know how really depressed you are when you don't even want to fill out your mood chart

Originally Posted by raging vortex

it's the worst my depression has been in ages

no real reason (like I keep saying, mine is never situational)

just really low

maybe bc of your ap meds. it happens with me. you could check with your pdoc.

[Fuzzybear]

I’m bored......

[will19]

Kind of slow today at work and it seemed like quite a few people were out. Well, it's summer, I guess. Worked out after work and it went well, despite the heat. The pool area was very nice as, much to my surprise, no one was there.

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

maybe bc of your ap meds. it happens with me. you could check with your pdoc.

honestly I think it's more that I really dislike life and being here

but I do apreciate your concern

feel good so far (though it is still early, like half 11 A.M)

didn't sleep yesterday and didn't fill out my mood chart, but deffenetely going to try to fill it out today. I really need to start getting on top of it- no point having it if it's not going to be used

This day has been a good day. I slept through the night and felt rested when I woke up. Did a lot of de-cluttering. Ate dinner out with a family member. Got help after the dinner with the rest of my clutter. Feel peaceful now!

[will19]

An OK day today. After work I picked up my bike. It works much better now and I took a one hour bike ride after work. Getting very hot outside. Went to the pool area and it was nice.